How to increase motivation and self control?

[real human being]

So, I guess I have been trying to 'recover' from my awful mental state for many years now. The word 'recovery' honestly doesn't necessarily feel right to me because it implies that I am trying to go back to a state I was at previously. But I have never been a happy person, or a good person. I was an awful child, and I hated my childhood, and I hate having to remember it, and being the person that I am, with the history that I have.

I've always been a broken person. I don't have any interests. I naturally find the world empty and unpleasant to the point of being disgusted by it, and I basically always have, since I was a young child. It is and has always been difficult for me to force myself to do even the smallest things, such as brushing my teeth. As a child, I never brushed my teeth and my parents didn't make any special efforts to make me or teach me to do so. As a result, my teeth were yellow and I had bad breath throughout my school years. I only started brushing my teeth regularly in the last 2-3 years, with increasing success. I now do it at least once almost every day. I spend all my free time doing essentially nothing. Nothing I should do, and nothing that I enjoy doing either. I can't seem to gather the energy to do anything, nor do I seem to enjoy or be interested in anything, no matter how much I try and think about it.

I have researched various methods of increasing motivation, building habits, reducing procrastination, etc. Almost nothing really works or makes much of a difference for me. One thing that I do find very helpful is keeping track of some basic things (e.g. brushing teeth) on a habit tracking app. Nothing really works. I can perform work when I am supervised, but I can't self-start at all, and I have almost no self control.

So, I'm trying to build habits and do things that would improve my life, but I can't get myself to do anything. It is extremely frustrating and makes me suicidal.

 

[daley]

I have been struggling with self-discipline and procrastination myself. One thing that I think has slightly helped me is vitamin D - without supplements I can just sleep all day and have no motivation to do anything. Now there are periods where I can do stuff, but still other periods where I cant do anything.

I have read books about procrastination and motivation, but I guess I would need something like a personal life coach, which might work, but seems a bit excessive.

 

[CC123]

Take a walk every day

 

[Looking]

Forcing yourself to do tasks you don't wanna do won't help build motivation. It might help with self discipline and self control in the short term, but probably not long term.

I learned this from a YouTube video and I tried looking for it but I can't seem to find it. If I find it, I'll send it here.

The cost of the thing you want to do has to be worth the value and expectations for you to build motivation. M = (V x E) - C

Value = What value would building this new habit would do to your life? What in your life would change if you built this new habit?
Expectation = What are you expecting to happen? Do you expect that you will be able to sustain this habit over time? Can you prepare for errors/slips?
Cost = What would it take for you to obtain this goal/habit? Is this cost worth it to you? Is this cost too much for you?

Let's use brushing your teeth as an example.

The value of brushing your teeth is you get to maintain the health of your teeth and gums (reduced pain if you have any, not worrying about losing your teeth, reduced decay/plaque, and even feeling nice and fresh after brushing them, etc), your feelings about your oral health will change (a change in the appearance of your teeth will make you feel like you can smile more, feeling not self conscious about talking due to bad breath, being concerned something is stuck in your teeth, etc) and you will gain a habit that helps you long term (Helps building discipline, helps provides routine, brings comfort and less insecurity with your oral health, etc). Once you build the habit, you will barely think about it, too!

The expectations are that because this habit wasn't developed when you were younger, it will require a more mindful approach. You have to be aware that you need to brush your teeth, you will need to educate yourself on oral health and teeth maintenance, you will have to be mindful of the products you purchase, you need to figure out when and where would be the best way for you to maintain the habit, etc. If you realize that you put your brushtooth/toothpaste in bathroom A, but that you never go into bathroom A, try putting it in bathroom B, etc. You would also expect to spend money on the products and so on.

Is the cost worth it to you? Does spending money on oral health products (toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouth wash, tongue scrapers, etc) WORTH it to feel better about your teeth? Does educating yourself on oral health (looking into it, checking facts, maybe seeing a dentist, etc) WORTH it to bring you routine? Does spending your energy to remind yourself to brush your teeth (if you're depressed, you'd probably have very little to share around) WORTH it to have less tooth pain? etc.

It's one thing to KNOW something is good for you and will be beneficial. It's another thing to intentionally write it out and explain it to yourself and give yourself a reason.

Is cooking your own food a good idea? Sure. It's more likely to be healthy, it's a good skill to have, it allows you to spend money differently and in some cases saves money, you're allowed to adjust your food to your tastes, etc.

But is it worth the money to buy all new cooking equipment and to spend hours to learn cooking? To look up tutorials? To make mistakes and waste food? To a lot of people - not really.

It's fine if it's not worth it to you, but you can't force yourself if deep down you don't think it's worth it.

 

[damyon]

Almost nothing really works or makes much of a difference for me.

Do you have a specific goal in mind? Does brushing your teeth contribute to that goal?
Like the excellent post above mentioned, the habit or a task should be reasonable.

I can perform work when I am supervised, but I can't self-start at all, and I have almost no self control.

Have you considered getting an accountability partner? They can supervise and support you in achieving your goals.