How to get the courage

[nothingleft2livefor]

Im wondering how to get the courage to go through with it. I know even if I leave my mother and all the people that keep me around to laugh at my expense will still likely be sad. My dog and cat would miss me. But I can't keep living, I haven't been 'living' for a long time. I keep getting cold feet when getting to actually doing it. I want to jump off a bridge near me famous for suicides from it, or just die from carbon monoxide in my car but keep getting cold feet. I already have done scary, risky shit in my life so why can't I get through with this. I don't want to do hanging due to the burden discovering my body by my parents would bring even if my stepfather has largely tormented me for a while.

 

[LongJacks]

Our survival instinct is very strong, I have the same problem

 

[needtofindrightway]

If someone finds out an answer to this question, message me

 

[nothingleft2livefor]

If someone finds out an answer to this question, message me

Ive been wondering if the right combination of drugs would do it but most im familiar with just make me paranoid and give me panic or make me wired like fight/flight which doesn't make it easier

 

[LongJacks]

Ive been wondering if the right combination of drugs would do it but most im familiar with just make me paranoid and give me panic or make me wired like fight/flight which doesn't make it easier

I've actually had the same idea but like you've said it could backfire and trigger something else... or on the contrary it would relax you way too much (Example cannabis) besides survival instinct there is also motivation, per se it gives you "The push"

 

[nothingleft2livefor]

I've actually had the same idea but like you've said it could backfire and trigger something else... or on the contrary it would relax you way too much (Example cannabis) besides survival instinct there is also motivation, per se it gives you "The push"

I might have to try Adderall for it. It clears my head and makes me feel normal. Weed would calm me and that would help but I've smoked so much weed that I just get even more hypervigilent/paranoid and nauseous when smoking now. Drunk makes me care too much again like I'd just cry a shit load and not do it

 

[LongJacks]

Wanted to add something... the closest thing that

I might have to try Adderall for it. It clears my head and makes me feel normal. Weed would calm me and that would help but I've smoked so much weed that I just get even more hypervigilent/paranoid and nauseous when smoking now. Drunk makes me care too much again like I'd just cry a shit load and not do it

I don't know what Adderall is (I'm from Europe might be less common in my country), I understand you, the closest thing that pushed me to do it were... really really bad days... not your typical depressive or anxious days or bad luck type of days... just something horrible happening or being abused and pushed down

When my abusive brother got extreme with his bullshit I would even try to make a noose out of my shitty bedshits with desperation, desperate moments can make you do desperate things...

 

[Aflame5926]

sorry to say it. but it might not be your time yet. we are not allowed on this forum to tell you ways on how to overcome SI.
this will likely be seen as encouragement.

and i personally do agree with it. you shouldnt be encouraged to CTB. its your descision and even if its fails or not, or create diseasters consequences because of your actions. you need to be ready to face possible scenerio's.

 

[LongJacks]

Wanted to add something... the closest thing that

I don't know what Adderall is (I'm from Europe might be less common in my country), I understand you, the closest thing that pushed me to do it were... really really bad days... not your typical depressive or anxious days or bad luck type of days... just something horrible happening or being abused and pushed down

When my abusive brother got extreme with his bullshit I would even try to make a noose out of my shitty bedshits with desperation, desperate moments can make you do desperate things...

Bedsheets not bedshits xD

 

[HNR_]

Heard that getting drunk or high before going for it helps

Personally, since I'm not a drinker or anything, I'd think about how shitty this world is and how frustrated I felt when I realized I couldn't CTB the first few times I committed to a method
I don't know how useful of efficient it'd be but at the same time, I doubt I'd need that final push

 

[nothingleft2livefor]

sorry to say it. but it might not be your time yet. we are not allowed on this forum to tell you ways on how to overcome SI.
this will likely be seen as encouragement.

and i personally do agree with it. you shouldnt be encouraged to CTB. its your descision and even if its fails or not, or create diseasters consequences because of your actions. you need to be ready to face possible scenerio's.

Ive had years of therapy and medication. Ive been on mental health studies, I've had maintenance electroconvulsive therapy and Im still so tired and torn between loving the people close to me and the fact that they actually hate me. Thanks for letting me know to look elsewhere for the answer to my question though.

 

[itsgone2]

I want to jump off a bridge near me famous for suicides from it

Have you been close at all? I'm wondering if you've actually stood there or not

it's not easy even to go. I stood on one once and was surprised no one stopped to see if I was ok. It's not a bridge that pedestrians normally use.

 

[passthisnote]

whenever i start doubting i try to force myself to remember that the alternative is living through misery in the future. however you can make yourself think about whatever problems YOU will have from living, that is just what mine would be.

 

[nothingleft2livefor]

Have you been close at all? I'm wondering if you've actually stood there or not

it's not easy even to go. I stood on one once and was surprised no one stopped to see if I was ok. It's not a bridge that pedestrians normally use.

I drive over it quite frequently. I drove over and back two days ago. I haven't parked my car and gotten out on the side yet.(It's a bridge where you can't really do that) It's quite beautiful and I can see my hometown, the morning or setting sun from it since it's so tall which is nice for a last place imo. The current and channel is so deep(tankers go under) even if I live id drown very quickly.

whenever i start doubting i try to force myself to remember that the alternative is living through misery in the future. however you can make yourself think about whatever problems YOU will have from living, that is just what mine would be.

Ty

 

[Aren]

Im wondering how to get the courage to go through with it. I know even if I leave my mother and all the people that keep me around to laugh at my expense will still likely be sad. My dog and cat would miss me. But I can't keep living, I haven't been 'living' for a long time. I keep getting cold feet when getting to actually doing it. I want to jump off a bridge near me famous for suicides from it, or just die from carbon monoxide in my car but keep getting cold feet. I already have done scary, risky shit in my life so why can't I get through with this. I don't want to do hanging due to the burden discovering my body by my parents would bring even if my stepfather has largely tormented me for a while.

The only thing that work for me to remove survival instinct and go is emotion. Great sadness cut all even the pain.

 

[isthisthingon]

The only thing that work for me to remove survival instinct and go is emotion. Great sadness cut all even the pain.

How do you know this will work? It's very intense in the real moments. Indescribable level of SI. You have to experience it if you haven't to truly understand. Maybe you have experienced it, idk.

 

[Redhand5]

When I attempted, I mentally focused on the reason why I chose to CTB. I focused on what I'd gain from it, the purpose of it. And although my attempts didn't succeed, I found peace and comfort, and the ability to easily try.
I hope it helps

 

[isthisthingon]

That's precisely why I'd like to do CTB with someone. It's harder than it looks. The courage of those who did it is admirable.

Yes, not being alone would be amazing. Really hard to implement that though. We are all spread across the world.

 

[nothingleft2livefor]

Anyone around the mid-atlantic united states?

 

[Hollowman]

Anyone around the mid-atlantic united states?

There's a partners thread. Maybe someone can link it for you. Not sure if you're able to use the search function yet.

 

[Aren]

How do you know this will work? It's very intense in the real moments. Indescribable level of SI. You have to experience it if you haven't to truly understand. Maybe you have experienced it, idk.

I have. If someone did not come i would not be alive now, and it was like i was sleeping. But i agree it depends, any person have differents feelings.

 

[Useless Idiot]

Im wondering how to get the courage to go through with it. I know even if I leave my mother and all the people that keep me around to laugh at my expense will still likely be sad. My dog and cat would miss me. But I can't keep living, I haven't been 'living' for a long time. I keep getting cold feet when getting to actually doing it. I want to jump off a bridge near me famous for suicides from it, or just die from carbon monoxide in my car but keep getting cold feet. I already have done scary, risky shit in my life so why can't I get through with this. I don't want to do hanging due to the burden discovering my body by my parents would bring even if my stepfather has largely tormented me for a while.

I am wondering the same thing. I have been putting it off for one and a half year for the same reason. But everything is constantly telling me that I have to do it. Yet I don't have the courage...

Wanted to add something... the closest thing that

I don't know what Adderall is (I'm from Europe might be less common in my country), I understand you, the closest thing that pushed me to do it were... really really bad days... not your typical depressive or anxious days or bad luck type of days... just something horrible happening or being abused and pushed down

When my abusive brother got extreme with his bullshit I would even try to make a noose out of my shitty bedshits with desperation, desperate moments can make you do desperate things...

I wish some desperate moment like that would make me do it..

 

[cursedcassettes]

Heard that getting drunk or high before going for it helps

Personally, since I'm not a drinker or anything, I'd think about how shitty this world is and how frustrated I felt when I realized I couldn't CTB the first few times I committed to a method
I don't know how useful of efficient it'd be but at the same time, I doubt I'd need that final push

I cannot cannot must not get high, and shouldn't get drunk (unless I *should*. Frankly, I've never really tried it) but logistically all I need to do is hop over a relatively low wall and fall, and it's good to know I've got my way out if I finally get the nerve.

I am only mostly certain that I'll never recover from the several conditions and diseases I have enough to win true love. But I'm not living for my goddamned family. They only care if I'm alive. I wish the girl I'm instalking would just get married already. I need a better reason to die than the relatively mild suffering I endure daily.

 

[HNR_]

I cannot cannot must not get high, and shouldn't get drunk (unless I *should*. Frankly, I've never really tried it) but logistically all I need to do is hop over a relatively low wall and fall, and it's good to know I've got my way out if I finally get the nerve.

I am only mostly certain that I'll never recover from the several conditions and diseases I have enough to win true love. But I'm not living for my goddamned family. They only care if I'm alive. I wish the girl I'm instalking would just get married already. I need a better reason to die than the relatively mild suffering I endure daily.

What you described sounds like more than "mild suffering" tbh

Not that I'm pushing you to do anything, I'm simply pointing out that you seem like you have more serious issues than you let on
I hope you manage to find the peace you need, regardless of how you achieve that goal

 

[cursedcassettes]

What you described sounds like more than "mild suffering" tbh

Not that I'm pushing you to do anything, I'm simply pointing out that you seem like you have more serious issues than you let on
I hope you manage to find the peace you need, regardless of how you achieve that goal

I've seen a basically naked homeless guy in the winter on the train with his feet like charred hooves, completely uncomprehending of any human speech. I've recently seen another homeless guy with his fingers and likely toes and I'm betting parts of his brain rotted away from what could only be diabetes that the hospital didn't have the decency to euthanize before turning back out onto the street. A human life is potentially or often terrifying and agonizing beyond any meaningful expression or aid. But if I get diabetes I'm out. Also, fuck getting too old to jump off a building, there's no thrill in that.