how to feel when your suicide date is closing in?

[dra1ncoreslwt]

this is mostly a question for anyone individually, so feel free to share your own experience, let it out. my date is closing in, but I'm thinking I might most likely not go through with it, what about you?

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

It's a time of reflection I guess. Taking stock. Making sure you're sure. Checking for doubts. Seeing if you've really tried everything. Doing things "one last time".

What about you?

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

It's a time of reflection I guess. Taking stock. Making sure you're sure. Checking for doubts. Seeing if you've really tried everything. Doing things "one last time".

What about you?

mostly the first few, I'm still relatively young so I'm going back and forth wether I'm sure or not, or what are the chances of me getting better

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's a good question with so many answers as there are individuals. For myself, it looks like the date is there sooner but later due to given circumstances. I started actively preparing things to be ready at any time. Yet everything still feels somehow "empty" as everything else did before. I will se how it progresses. Maybe I will share thoughts about it in a new thread when I think the time is right ... I will see.

 

[Lost Magic]

I haven't really put an actual date on it, but perhaps I should I am either too lazy or too bored to decide when.

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

That's a good question with so many answers as there are individuals. For myself, it looks like the date is there sooner but later due to given circumstances. I started actively preparing things to be ready at any time. Yet everything still feels somehow "empty" as everything else did before. I will se how it progresses. Maybe I will share thoughts about it in a new thread when I think the time is right ... I will see.

yeah Im glad it's a rather personal question, idk I like to feel understood in a way because it's similar to all of us kinda

 

[Praestat_Mori]

yeah Im glad it's a rather personal question, idk I like to feel understood in a way because it's similar to all of us kinda

Everyone here will understand and accept your decisions because we are all in the same boat regarding CTB. Sadly I searched for such a place far too late. It's overwhelming how many out there share a similar fate. And that's good to know that oneis not alone.

 

[blue_muse]

Definitely feel like I've outstayed my welcome in this world . I'm liberated in the sense, I've not got too many things to hold me back once the time comes. Spent the last few days grieving what could have been, so onto practical matters next.

 

[numbed one]

I still don't have thé method to set à date but i wanna do it before m'y schizophrénia start showing it's symptômes again .

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

Definitely feel like I've outstayed my welcome in this world . I'm liberated in the sense, I've not got too many things to hold me back once the time comes. Spent the last few days grieving what could have been, so onto practical matters next.

I feel similar, few things are holding me back, not fear of death or what happens after either

 

[bed]

mostly the first few, I'm still relatively young so I'm going back and forth wether I'm sure or not, or what are the chances of me getting better

I think if you're young and having doubts you should try to exhaust as many options as possible in trying to get better. It is the most rational way to go about suicide for the majority of people imo.

In regards to your topic when I've made plans to go through with ctb I've felt mixed emotions. Relief, happiness, sadness and anxiousness to name a few. I'll be revisiting these feelings more than likely if my final form of treatment doesn't help. It's my last reasonable resort in getting better and I'm exhausted of trying more and more things to seek any desires/hopes in trying to live a worthwhile existence.

 

[ringo99]

I'll probably feel a sense of peace, elation even at knowing that everything I'm going through is about to end. Maybe mixed in with some sadness about how my parents would feel about me being gone

 

[blue_muse]

I feel similar, few things are holding me back, not fear of death or what happens after either

Refreshing to hear another with similar circumstances.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

If i get the same way drunk like I did today (with 3x 0.5l Bottles 8% Vol. Alc. Beer) I have big doubts that I can successfully CBT tomorrow. I wish for CBT tomorrow. But natural death during sleeeping would be the most convenient way. Although chance is nearly azt 0% one can have the wish for bedtime everyday.

 

[Ernest1964]

How do you feel?

Like a seven year old, the night before Christmas.

 

[starlightsun]

Just waiting. Wondering what post-death will be like, hoping for 'nothingness'/non-existence

 

[Vizzy]

this is mostly a question for anyone individually, so feel free to share your own experience, let it out. my date is closing in, but I'm thinking I might most likely not go through with it, what about you?

It feels great finally peace

 

[LastBusHome]

I'm not far away from my intended date if all goes well. The time leading up to that has me feeling like I've been going through the different stages of grief. Currently I'm at bargaining. I'm only 25 so realistically if I wanted to make a change in my life, I could put my big boy pants on and do it. There's still time for that. Yet it feels like my life choices leading up to this point have kind of put me in a situation that's FUBAR. But theoretically, I *could* try. Part of me is conflicting with the other trying to encourage me *to* try.

Beyond that it's mostly guilt. I was never close with my family so the effect of my actions on them isn't something I really care that much about. That's with the exception of my ten year old sister. I don't think she deserves that kind of trauma, y'know? Aside from that, the guilt almost exclusively has to do with the effect my passing will have on my partner. I don't think she deserves that kind of grief either. Especially after the last year she's been through with her own struggles.

I can't say that I've felt relief or anticipation toward taking my own life. I don't *want* to do this but it feels like I *have* to given the circumstances I've created for myself. I'm not scared of dying so much as I'm scared of the consequences of my death. Part of me just wants it done and dusted yet here I am, still hemming and hawing. Idk if any of this even made sense.

Great topic of discussion by the way. It's been interesting to see how others have been feeling

 

[lazyegg]

pretty apathetic and curious about what happens after. a bit hesitant on "what if it gets better" and how my parent will react. its weird because im finally thinking what i want to experience/enjoy before i go.

 

[DarkDg21]

A sense of relief, peace. Letting go of frustration and anger behind, with a bit of fear thinking about the few seconds I'll be in pain but excited at the same time knowing that after that little sacrifice all the suffering will be gone.

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

I'm not far away from my intended date if all goes well. The time leading up to that has me feeling like I've been going through the different stages of grief. Currently I'm at bargaining. I'm only 25 so realistically if I wanted to make a change in my life, I could put my big boy pants on and do it. There's still time for that. Yet it feels like my life choices leading up to this point have kind of put me in a situation that's FUBAR. But theoretically, I *could* try. Part of me is conflicting with the other trying to encourage me *to* try.

Beyond that it's mostly guilt. I was never close with my family so the effect of my actions on them isn't something I really care that much about. That's with the exception of my ten year old sister. I don't think she deserves that kind of trauma, y'know? Aside from that, the guilt almost exclusively has to do with the effect my passing will have on my partner. I don't think she deserves that kind of grief either. Especially after the last year she's been through with her own struggles.

I can't say that I've felt relief or anticipation toward taking my own life. I don't *want* to do this but it feels like I *have* to given the circumstances I've created for myself. I'm not scared of dying so much as I'm scared of the consequences of my death. Part of me just wants it done and dusted yet here I am, still hemming and hawing. Idk if any of this even made sense.

Great topic of discussion by the way. It's been interesting to see how others have been feeling

I relate to you, we're the contrary of what some go through, afraid of what might happen after death yet without much to lose. I'm scared of what I'll miss if I don't cling on to life, but I'm not scared of death itself, nor the pain of my method since it might just be quick.

 

[Vizzy]

I relate to you, we're the contrary of what some go through, afraid of what might happen after death yet without much to lose. I'm scared of what I'll miss if I don't cling on to life, but I'm not scared of death itself, nor the pain of my method since it might just be quick.

After death nothing happens, just nothingness

You don't know where you came from billions of years ago which was nothing and after death it's gonna be nothing, don't believe these religious circus which have no proof to back up

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

I also want to mention

After death nothing happens, just nothingness

You don't know where you came from billions of years ago which was nothing and after death it's gonna be nothing, don't believe these religious circus which have no proof to back up

i know, but I still think it's okay to let others believe you know, maybe the thought of finding "heaven/afterlife" can be comforting to others and let them have a more peaceful exit, but yes I agree with you, I'm pretty sure it's nothingness and I honestly just don't think about it, so I'm not scared of death or what happens after.

 

[Vizzy]

I also want to mention

i know, but I still think it's okay to let others believe you know, maybe the thought of finding "heaven/afterlife" can be comforting to others and let them have a more peaceful exit, but yes I agree with you, I'm pretty sure it's nothingness and I honestly just don't think about it, so I'm not scared of death or what happens after.

If someone believe afterlife/heaven which means they are religious, they should not even think about doing ctb if a person is religious because as per their beliefs they are going to hell if they do ctb

 

[Little_Suzy]

I believe in the paranormal and members should definitely visit us.


The ADHD folks; we struggle with dates and time!

 

[Vizzy]

I don't think you should think that way, anyone is free of ctb in general, or that's what SS and myself believe, regardless of religion

I don't understand, people who believe afterlife and heaven are not religious? Because it looks contradictory to me

I don't think everyone in ss believe afterlife or heaven, why you think afterlife exist and is there any proof?

 

[CentreMid]

this is mostly a question for anyone individually, so feel free to share your own experience, let it out. my date is closing in, but I'm thinking I might most likely not go through with it, what about you?

I don't really have a hard-set date, but when the time is close to my ctb day, I can't help but feel somewhat at peace (or as "at peace" as I can be haha) because I know I will cease to exist soon.

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

How do you feel?

Like a seven year old, the night before Christmas.

how come?

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

As soon as my second gets here I'm out of here… I really hate living and I just want to cease to exist…. My life has been nothing but a disaster for the past 5 years or so honestly…

 

[Ernest1964]

how come?

Maybe it's a mixture of anticipation that I might get something good (peace) and something of the unknown that makes it exciting.