How to deal with this situation?

[everlastinghistory]

Edit: A comment on this just made me realize this made me sound younger than I am. I am in high school. However it's because I missed too many classes to graduate last year due to a combination of reasons. I'm 18 and turn 19 in March.

Despite my age my parents are insanely protective and paranoid. They're convinced that if I leave home alone I will either kill myself, someone else, or someone will kill me. Every way: They assume someone will end up dead if I leave home alone.

My dad drives me to and from for school. I take the bus after sometimes when my dad is working but he controls how much money is on my Presto card. I don't have anywhere near enough to get out of province.

Dying at home is not an option. I refuse to die anywhere near my family. I'd prefer to die in France but it's a lot more difficult to get to than another province.

I can't sneak out because both my parents and neighbours have Ring doorbells. I'm so desperate that I considered walking to the place I want to do this. The walk takes 4 days. And that's only how long it takes without breaks. In order to do that I would need to be able to be on my phone the entire time for directions. My phone would be bound to die if I attempted that walk. Not to mention I would have to sleep eventually.

The walk is my only true option at this point. But I don't really know how to handle that… What should/would I need to take with me if I did that? What solutions are there to needing to sleep eventually? How exactly could I go about attempting this? How could I avoid getting found as a missing person? I know I could wear something other than what I was last seen in and change some other basic things about my appearance so I don't fit the description people associate with me. But this entire situation is somewhat impossible to figure out alone.

 

[Darkover]

sounds like to me you are too young to be on this website

 

[everlastinghistory]

sounds like to me you are too young to be on this website

I'm 18. I missed too many days of school to graduate last year because of a combination of things. I skipped one of my classes every day first semester because someone who had threatened to rape and murder me got put in one of my classes with me and they wouldn't move either of us. There were a few other factors but that's the main one.

 

[Life_and_Death]

someone who had threatened to rape and murder me got put in one of my classes with me and they wouldn't move either of us

That totally sucks, I've been there. The worst part it was my fave class (cooking)

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Well, to keep your phone charged, you could get a solar charger. Any chance of getting a bicycle and making the trek that way? If so, that opens up more possibilities because then you could, possibly, get a tent and carry it with you on the bicycle. Do you have money for food? Any money at all? Is 18 years old of legal age where you live? If you have money, you could stay in motels on the way to your destination. Sounds like it would be a heck of an adventure for an 18 year old.

I'm more concerned why your parents would think you may kill someone else if you left home??????????????

 

[Lucilius]

How do you end up reaching the conclusion that this is your only option left at such a young age?

 

[everlastinghistory]

Well, to keep your phone charged, you could get a solar charger. Any chance of getting a bicycle and making the trek that way? If so, that opens up more possibilities because then you could, possibly, get a tent and carry it with you on the bicycle. Do you have money for food? Any money at all? Is 18 years old of legal age where you live? If you have money, you could stay in motels on the way to your destination. Sounds like it would be a heck of an adventure for an 18 year old.

I'm more concerned why your parents would think you may kill someone else if you left home??????????????

Food wise I'm most likely just going to take stuff from home in a backpack. I do have a bike but it would be difficult cause my best way to leave for this would be to sign myself out of school and leave before my parents would notice me missing. I would have to have the bike at school with me. As far as I know schools can't report you absent to your parents if you're 18+ because it violates your privacy. And yes 18 is the age of majority here. I have a little money but not much. I think only about 8$. I have it incase my Presto card ever doesn't work on the bus but nothing more than that. The rest of my money is in a bank account that's shared with my dad.

As for why my parents would think I might kill someone else: I used to have an interest in true crime, and was known for being bullied… Doesn't exactly paint a pretty picture.

 

[Himalayan]

Food wise I'm most likely just going to take stuff from home in a backpack. I do have a bike but it would be difficult cause my best way to leave for this would be to sign myself out of school and leave before my parents would notice me missing. I would have to have the bike at school with me. As far as I know schools can't report you absent to your parents if you're 18+ because it violates your privacy. And yes 18 is the age of majority here. I have a little money but not much. I think only about 8$. I have it incase my Presto card ever doesn't work on the bus but nothing more than that. The rest of my money is in a bank account that's shared with my dad.

As for why my parents would think I might kill someone else: I used to have an interest in true crime, and was known for being bullied… Doesn't exactly paint a pretty picture.

Those are the reasons for them to jail you? Bro, start going out for runs. Force your way out of that shit, that won't do any good.

 

[everlastinghistory]

How do you end up reaching the conclusion that this is your only option left at such a young age?

Combination of circumstances.

To summarize:
• I was bullied for 5 years and told it wasn't really 5 years and I was over reacting
• I got threatened with rape and murder and everyone said it was just a joke and people still tell me to just get over myself whenever I mention it
• I don't care about anyone except one person so all I ever do is hurt people — I've even been told that's all I do
• The one person I care about feels trapped because of me caring about her
• I once threatened suicide and nobody who does that is ever someone people want around
• I've been told I imagined childhood abuse that I'm 99% sure happened but since I was so young when it happened people claim I imagined it
• My entire family complains about me constantly — might as well take myself out of the situation

And there's a few other reasons but those are my primary ones.

 

[Lucilius]

• I once threatened suicide and nobody who does that is ever someone people want around
• I've been told I imagined childhood abuse that I'm 99% sure happened but since I was so young when it happened people claim I imagined it

Assuming the pressure you are facing right now makes it getting through your last months before graduation unbearable, what prevents you from getting a job and moving out? I suppose you would still have similar problems with logistics, but what could your parents legally do about it? In some countries I know the economy sucks and getting any job whatsoever is very hard, but probably that is not your situation. You could start from scratch in a different environment, at a safe distance from your family, where nobody has to know anything about what you did or did not threaten to do in the past. There are people out there who won't dismiss a history of abuse, bullying of rape threats.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Combination of circumstances.

To summarize:
• I was bullied for 5 years and told it wasn't really 5 years and I was over reacting
• I got threatened with rape and murder and everyone said it was just a joke and people still tell me to just get over myself whenever I mention it
• I don't care about anyone except one person so all I ever do is hurt people — I've even been told that's all I do
• The one person I care about feels trapped because of me caring about her
• I once threatened suicide and nobody who does that is ever someone people want around
• I've been told I imagined childhood abuse that I'm 99% sure happened but since I was so young when it happened people claim I imagined it
• My entire family complains about me constantly — might as well take myself out of the situation

And there's a few other reasons but those are my primary ones.

Your worth as a person isn't contingent on other people's opinions about you. Having good people around helps make life more bearable, as rare as they are. It sounds like you have had very bad luck in that department, but you can't blame yourself for having poor luck. All you have known is being stuck in an environment and dependent on a hard-hearted, invalidating family. You can't judge whether the totality of life is worth living just based on what you have experienced so far.