Help How to deal with guilt about loved ones?

[drag201]

Im planning to ctb sometime in the next few years. One of the things that most holds me back is the pain it'll cause loved ones (in my case, my mother that I am very close with) for those that experience this as well, how do you get around it?

 

[murun_b]

This is truly the most difficult thing. I can't offer you a solution to this dilemma and I don't think there is one. Just make sure you don't start resenting her because you feel she's the reason you have to stay against your will. I struggle with thoughts like that sometimes and have to actively remind myself that it's unfair to think badly of someone just because they care about you.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Im planning to ctb sometime in the next few years. One of the things that most holds me back is the pain it'll cause loved ones (in my case, my mother that I am very close with) for those that experience this as well, how do you get around it?

You dont. Get around it i mean.
Oh sure, you can position it in a way like "at least I wont be a burden to her anymore" but the fact remains it's still going to hurt her, specially since you mentioned you two are close.

 

[FieCher]

I'm afraid

You dont. Get around it i mean.
Oh sure, you can position it in a way like "at least I wont be a burden to her anymore" but the fact remains it's still going to hurt her, specially since you mentioned you two are close.

I'm afraid this is true.
The only thing you can do is try to make a goodbye-letter explaining why this is that you think you need/think is best for you. You can't control how other people feel/react/think.. you can only find closure for yourself if you do what you think is the best you can do.

 

[Worndown]

If you die by choice or in an accident, they will still feel the pain. Nothing will ever remove that.
A good note can put your situation and suffering in a context they can understand. They will still be saddened, but understanding really will help them cope.
We all die. We will all exprience grief. Making that grief managable is the most we can hope to do.

 

[Reuthry]

Maybe what I will say will sound cruel but I myself think that if I die and disappear, I won't have any guilt, I used to think and feel guilty about the things that will happen after I die but like, I see ctb as something nearly same as making an ordinary life choice like moving out, going to university, finding a girlfriend etc etc. And again, if I don't exist, they don't exist too because I won't be able to see/hear/feel them in any type of way.

 

[Antoine_Roquentin]

Im planning to ctb sometime in the next few years. One of the things that most holds me back is the pain it'll cause loved ones (in my case, my mother that I am very close with) for those that experience this as well, how do you get around it?

I've been thinking about this a lot too, if I ctb it would destroy my mother and possible a few close friends. I am afraid I can't offer any comforting advice, I am not sure there is one. But I too think that in the end ctb'ing is a deeply personal decision, one is exercising radical freedom and one is not accountable to anyone. As others said, a letter might help, although I am skeptical that another person who is not suicidal would understand (fully), even if it is a well thought letter.

 

[F@#$]

I just don't care anymore.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

I have 5 teenage kids (one has a bf who lives with us who's dad killed himself when he was 2). I know my kids don't want me to ctb but the urge to is so great. It's now more of an obsession and an obligation to finally make this self hate go away. The guilt is horrific. I know being around me (bpd mother) is not gonna make them thrive at life either. Just wish I could leave no trace n erase me from their memories

 

[thedevilwithin]

you can't. your mom will grieve over you no matter what. she loves you more than herself.

 

[dinosavr]

It used to stop me but it doesn't anymore because I realized that's just the way it is. Everybody dies at some point - first of all. And there's nothing anyone can do to prevent it. And it's just up to fate who goes first and who's left with grief. Second of all, I started treating my potential death as death caused by depression, not as suicide. My family and friends knew me before and they knew that's not who I am. It's an illness that killed me, not me.