How to deal with adult bullying?

[meetapple]

I seem to attract negative attention wherever I go. In fact, more than that, my modest personality, seems to invite bullying. I have tried to improve self-esteem. I have received therapy. I have read articles. However, I continue to be on the wrong side of bullying. I tend to respond by isolating myself to avoid the situation. I have a neighbor who uses fireworks to harass me. What can I do save CTBing or moving to Mongolia?

 

[Apricity]

File harassment charges and/or start filing police reports if the fireworks are illegal. You can get a harassment restraining order where I live. Check with your local law enforcement or a lawyer. There might be free legal advice available to you if you cannot afford a lawyer.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

You could try the adult form of telling the teacher.

 

[motel rooms]

Get a big-ass scary dog. I'm not even kidding.

 

[back_to_oblivion]

That's very immature, sorry you have to go through that. Maybe you can send a threatening legal letter demanding it to stop or else you'll take your neighbor to court for nuisance/harassment. You can try and get some advice about demand letters and what to put in them.

 

[Apricity]

I am NOT suggesting or condoning it, but shit like this is why people end up doing murder-suicide. They get tired of being shit on and decide to end their life but figure, since they'll be dead anyway, to take their antagonizer with them.

I've had the exact thought cross my mind more than once throughout my life.

 

[back_to_oblivion]

How To Use Cease And Desist Letters To Protect Your Rights | LegalNature

Learn about the types of harassment cease and desist letters can help stop and how to effectively use them to stop unwanted actions.

www.legalnature.com

Cease and Desist Letter

Use a cease and desist letter template to stop harassment, defamation, trademark/copyright infringement, and other unwanted behaviors.

legaltemplates.net

 

[aBLEACHyindividual]

If you live in the U.S., in a state where stand-your-ground laws exists, then you know what to do. Otherwise, I'm not sure. Take it to court? Or fight them, physically. Up to you.

 

[Peel_the_Banana]

@meetapple I would start with the police report and see how things go before you go to a demand letter. A police report sort of signals you want the problem to stop. A demand letter, however, can signal you want a war. If this person is intentionally targeting you, the last thing you want to do is signal that you want a prolonged fight. It may cause an escalation of unwanted behavior. Intentional nuisances always know how to become worse in ways that get around the law.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Adult bullies can be difficult to deal with. I do not know what to say other than I can definitely understand your pain - speaking from experience. It is a bit easier when you are a child, because you can just hit the bullies and that tends to make them leave you alone. Unfortunately you cannot do this as an adult; you are expected to be "mature" about it, and that means, in grow-up-speak, ignore it and let it happen.

 

[Hurt]

I was bullied in childhood and still I'm bullied in adulthood. I learnt to ignore them although sometimes I want to punch them.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Get a big-ass scary dog. I'm not even kidding.

It might work. but learn how to train that dog so it is good doggo for you.

 

[BobMorane]

You could break into his house in the middle of the night with a baseball bat and beat the shit of of him, threaten to kill his dog and if he doesn't have a dog tell him you'll buy him a dog for that purpose.
Then take all his firework, tell him if he blows one more firework at you, he's leaving earth attached to one.
That's my 2 cents but you can listen to others too.

 

[Apricity]

You could break into his house in the middle of the night with a baseball bat and beat the shit of of him, threaten to kill his dog and if he doesn't have a dog tell him you'll buy him a dog for that purpose.
Then take all his firework, tell him if he blows one more firework at you, he's leaving earth attached to one.
That's my 2 cents but you can listen to others too.

I assume this is satire, but I think we are looking for legal methods...

 

[WatermelonMel]

I am NOT suggesting or condoning it, but shit like this is why people end up doing murder-suicide. They get tired of being shit on and decide to end their life but figure, since they'll be dead anyway, to take their antagonizer with them.

I've had the exact thought cross my mind more than once throughout my life.

Yup, there's a video on YouTube called "A terribly disturbing ego battle" where the home owner grabbed an AR and killed the people harassing him, then went in his home and put a bullet in his head.

Turns out the bullies harassed the poor guy for years and it wasn't just an ego thing, they continued to bully after he lost his wife.



Bullies have these things coming to be honest, but murder suicides are just cowardly and wrong, like, (If you're going to) just take your own life, no need to bring others into it. Plus, bullies usually turn out the way they are because their life is also shit, so keeping them alive prolongs their suffering.

 

[meetapple]

Yup, there's a video on YouTube called "A terribly disturbing ego battle" where the home owner grabbed an AR and killed the people harassing him, then went in his home and put a bullet in his head.

Turns out the bullies harassed the poor guy for years and it wasn't just an ego thing, they continued to bully after he lost his wife.



Bullies have these things coming to be honest, but murder suicides are just cowardly and wrong, like, (If you're going to) just take your own life, no need to bring others into it. Plus, bullies usually turn out the way they are because their life is also shit, so keeping them alive prolongs their suffering.

Yeah, I just don't want to prolong my own suffering.

 

[Beau]

If you think you attract bullying, I would like to offer an alternative approach. I know personally that it works.

Bullies bully to get a reaction. The victim gets mad, cries, or runs, retaliates, whatever. Even avoidance and ignoring is a reaction. Yes, it is kind of sick; bullies have their own set of problems. So you need to change how you react in these situations. This may seem unfair, because the onus is on the victim to change their own behavior. But it does work, which is the most important thing.

So what to do about it? Stop showing that you care so much about what other people do or say. Laugh it off, give them permission. Turn an insult into a joke, maybe join in the fun depending on the situation. Keep it cool and casual. It may take a little time to learn this - it is a social skill. You don't have to feel confident or have self-esteem or anything like that - you just have put on a little act. Once it starts to work, your confidence will grow on its own.

In the short term, the bully may try harder and the bullying will get worse That's how you know it's working. But once they figure out that they will not getting the reaction they want, it will stop. They will probably even come to respect you for it.

Keep in mind that everybody gets bullied once in awhile. Maybe someone will say something about your being a nerd, bald, ugly, skinny. It doesn't matter, these are just ways to figure out how to push your buttons. It's how you react that determines whether the bullying becomes an ongoing problem.

This is not a bulletproof solution. Deranged or psychopathic bullies will not respond to reasonable social cues, and you will need get those those people out of your life, maybe through legal means. But since you said this seems to be ongoing problem, this can help in many cases.

I know the pain of bullying. I wish you well, and hope this is helpful to you.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

Do this:



Evil understand one language: violence.

 

[CatLove56]

You could try the adult form of telling the teacher.

Pretty much what I do. Dick boss? Go to his boss

 

[Arrow]

Fireworks? Like they're firing fireworks at your house or something? That's not bullying that sounds like they're literally bombing your house. If they try doing that shit again film it and call the police.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Sometimes, not always, bullies can be made to go away when you show you're willing to not take their shit. Unless they're degeneate psychopaths that feed off of conflict, then it won't work. Typically even bullies don't want a problem constantly in their life.

There was a comedian who told a story, I think it was Chris Rock but I'm not sure, in gradeschool he was being bullied, so eventually he started fighting back, to the point where if he saw the bully just doing nothing out in the middle of nowhere, he'd just charge the guy and start fighting. Didn't matter that a lot of the time he lost the fights, the point was he became a massive nuisance to the bully. Eventually the bully just said to him "Look, I don't want to do this anymore."

Now obviously that was gradeschool and they weren't adults, but the principle is the same, half the battle is showing you're willing to be a problem.

Yup, there's a video on YouTube called "A terribly disturbing ego battle" where the home owner grabbed an AR and killed the people harassing him, then went in his home and put a bullet in his head.

Turns out the bullies harassed the poor guy for years and it wasn't just an ego thing, they continued to bully after he lost his wife.

Bullies have these things coming to be honest, but murder suicides are just cowardly and wrong, like, (If you're going to) just take your own life, no need to bring others into it. Plus, bullies usually turn out the way they are because their life is also shit, so keeping them alive prolongs their suffering.

Yep. I saw this. Really messed up situation. I don't blame the guy for doing what he did, everyone has a limit. You can tell how the neighbors were going on about "You're on camera!" shows that they never gotten their asses beaten. Had the guy gone out there years prior and cracked the man right in the nose a couple of times, maybe they would've knocked it off. Maybe he would've gone to jail or what have you but nothing comes for free. You can tell how arrogantly they were yelling at the guy that he never did anything to retaliate, and unfortunately that crescendoed into a double murder suicide.

EDIT: Also meetapple don't let this asshole take away your modesty and decency. Being a modest, decent person and giving someone a reality check aren't mutually exclusive. Scumbags will always prey on people like you because they're bothered you don't have to have to be a self-aggrandizing moron to get along in life, like they have to be.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Some of my family members are bullies. I gave them subtle warnings for a while, then not so subtle, then straight up told them they are assholes and I'm not going to tolerate it. When it happened again I cut those fuckers out of my life. IDK how I would handle a neighbor though.