how to come to terms with CTB

[Imausername]

How are you supposed to come to terms with CTB? I hate it I absolutely don't want to do it and had so much to live for and do. But then something happened in my life thats fully out of my control so bad im now planning to make a exit bag. I never thought my life would come to a point i was actively planning. Theres just some things in life that are worse than death and i want to go out while my life is still good before it crashes worse.
Im just so conflicted between not wanting to CTB but needing to...

I fell into the wrong group of people growing up and now im just sitting on bail waiting for them to charge or drop. Its an unknown when ill find out but with the evidence its just looking bad. Part of me wants to make the jump before even knowing the results of what they are going to do. No matter how much I scream im the victim here they wont ever care it just doesn't even seem worth the fight. I did nothing myself it feels like they are trying to charge me for the actions of other people who caused the offense i just didnt snitch on them and stayed for the attention as they were the only ones who actually seemed to care and help my mh even if they were using me. (sorry if im light on the specifics since im not actually charged i dont want to say something i shouldnt)

But my main question is just how do I accept that i have to CTB as i have no option left to carry on through this mess.

 

[forfever]

while i don't know the specifics of your situation, you should remember suicide should be the absolute last option, not a backup plan.
you can heal, but you need to give it time. again, i don't know the specifcs but it sounds like your beating yourself up. when did this situation happen?

 

[Imausername]

while i don't know the specifics of your situation, you should remember suicide should be the absolute last option, not a backup plan.
you can heal, but you need to give it time. again, i don't know the specifcs but it sounds like your beating yourself up. when did this situation happen?

September 2nd 7am 2025 was when i got arrested over it all but ive been with those people for yearrrs. Im still waiting on my case to be filed and if they decide to charge. However with alll the evidence and how messed up the law is it looks pretty bad to me. It is ridicules as its not like i actually did anything at all but the law is so harsh and i dont see a way forward if they charge.
There was a pretty similarly related post i read here https://sanctionedsuicide.site/thre...ure-the-message-is-heard.242641/#post-3466496

 

[forfever]

September 2nd 7am 2025 was when i got arrested over it all but ive been with those people for yearrrs. Im still waiting on my case to be filed and if they decide to charge. However with alll the evidence and how messed up the law is it looks pretty bad to me. It is ridicules as its not like i actually did anything at all but the law is so harsh and i dont see a way forward if they charge.
There was a pretty similarly related post i read here https://sanctionedsuicide.site/thre...ure-the-message-is-heard.242641/#post-3466496

jesus christ, i am so sorry you're going through this. i don't really know how to respond to this. why don't you wait for your case to be filled before jumping the gun? we don't know what the sentence would be. how would you describe your mental state before the incident?

 

[Imausername]

jesus christ, i am so sorry you're going through this. i don't really know how to respond to this. why don't you wait for your case to be filled before jumping the gun? we don't know what the sentence would be. how would you describe your mental state before the incident?

Well after September i ended up in hospital with starvation then i eneded up in hospital after that with self inflicted injury where i needed an emergency op and then two more to fix me up. It wasnt an attempt just SH. I then got a physiologist for 12 weeks or so and im now on a waiting list for some more mental health therapy. Ive been cutting words into my arms this year "abused used tortured misunderstood victim broken past" and so on...
Before I avoided any contact with doctors but i was on anti depression meds in 2017 for a bit but i went full no contact with health care for yearrrs.

Those people who got me in trouble did illegal things sure but they managed to give me an outlet for my SH and intrusive thoughts. i didnt care that they were using me at all i just said and did whatever got reactions they just fed into my self destructive behavior never stopping me. But thats me not taking responsibility for me staying in an abusive environment bc i felt i couldnt leave as i needed them. All they see is someone who could have left. Im under duress to not have an opinion on this i have to blindly accept however the law sees it as if i say what i truly feel theyll come down hard on me. So i cant even defend myself here...

I no longer control or have any impact over my future. CTB is the only way i can take control and power back into my own hands to know whats ahead of me... I dont want to CTB but i dont want this life more.. what they are doing to me.. going out their way to get me when maybe my "actions" were not the best but morally i didnt do anything legally they make me out to be a danger to the public when i did nothing.

Im going to be ready for that letter or phone call and jump as soon as i know its over. Thats why i want it all prepared just in case.... My odds dont look good... Ive spent 12k GBP on legal fees to help so far... Thats all wasted.. i dont even want to know how many years of savings that was.