Discussion How the hell should therapy work?

[HopefulSleep]

I honestly don't get it, if I talk with a therapist it won't make me forget how I got abused or how I feel mentally cause of that now and it won't make my dead family members alive and it won't give me more joy and it won't make my panic attacks go away cause it makes me fucking anxious what happened in the past and how lonely I feel.
To me they only seem like they care about that I don't ctb, I already tried to ctb twice with shitty methods and their argument for not ctb'ing was that my mother would be sad, it is true but that doesn't make my life better and honestly it is not my fault if I ctb it is the fault of the people who have abused me, in my opinion they should be charged with murder cause I will ctb cause of them.

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

Sounds like a bad therapist from what you're saying.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Sounds like a bad therapist from what you're saying.

But I don't get the base of how they should even be able to help.

 

[glitterypearls]

therapy only helps tiny issues or typical issues. like mild depression. I have a friend who experience moderate-level depression and went to therapy. after 3 months this friend was so happy saying therapy helped, few days later they went back to their usual self and almost attempted because they felt alone and got flashbacks. therapy doesn't help if you have hard issues. if it did then people who went to therapy for years and go to wards almost yearly wouldn't still self harm and attempt to CTB. I went to therapy for years and not once did they help me. they will gaslight you into think it actually helped till you face a real issue then you will realize it didn't help and if you talk about CTB they will throw some fake positivity or worse throw u in a ward for "your own safety"

also people don't realize that there is a lot of therapy abuse going on in that field. if you read the stories it's terrifying. so we shouldn't suggest to vulnerable people to go to therapy and blindly listen to a therapist.

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

But I don't get the base of how they should even be able to help.

Hey man, I don't know either. I just know that a therapist using guilt as their only argument is lame and definetly not doing it right.

 

[unnormal9]

It doesn't, It does not do anything tangible to solve real issues. Talking doesn't solve anything, that is the reality.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Hey man, I don't know either. I just know that a therapist using guilt as their only argument is lame and definetly not doing it right.

My last therapist was shit, she thought that I am kidding even though I am autistic so it is obvious that I am completely different in some aspects.

therapy only helps tiny issues or typical issues. like mild depression. I have a friend who experience moderate-level depression and went to therapy. after 3 months this friend was so happy saying therapy helped, few days later they went back to their usual self and almost attempted because they felt alone and got flashbacks. therapy doesn't help if you have hard issues. if it did then people who went to therapy for years and go to wards almost yearly wouldn't still self harm and attempt to CTB. I went to therapy for years and not once did they help me. they will gaslight you into think it actually helped till you face a real issue then you will realize it didn't help and if you talk about CTB they will throw some fake positivity or worse throw u in a ward for "your own safety"

also people don't realize that there is a lot of therapy abuse going on in that field. if you read the stories it's terrifying. so we shouldn't suggest to vulnerable people to go to therapy and blindly listen to a therapist.

I think their main goal is that we not ctb.

It doesn't, It does not do anything tangible to solve real issues. Talking doesn't solve anything, that is the reality.

Two therapists I talked to were traumatized an told me they don't want to die anymore but my theory is that they are just old and therefore got used to their pain

 

[AkaRed]

I think one thing I've learned over time is that a lot of people have incorrect assumptions about the purpose of therapy. It shouldn't be considered a fix, but a tool. One thing you can use amongst others for the betterment of your mental health. It's a tool that will only work if you want it to and let it- and it takes some adjusting and mix-matching around until you get it right. Not every therapist is going to help every individual, I've come across some particularly bad ones- and ones I simply just didn't click with. That's perfectly okay.
You're right in saying therapy isn't going to take away your experiences. It isn't a guaranteed fix for feelings like loneliness, and most certainly isn't going to cure your depression. That's because it's not supposed to. There are different ways to address your internal and external struggles, and therapy is simply one of the most common options. When you do find a therapist that you feel isn't the worst, it can be a great outlet to just- vent for a little bit so you're not bottling things up all the time. It can take the stress off friends and family (given the context) while you find other alternatives. It's just one way to go about things.
Of course, no therapist is going to recommend you CTB as a way to escape your issues. That's the way society is wired, and pretty sure they'd be fired for doing so. And if you find venting about your past gives you anxiety- tell that to them. A good therapist will find alternative ways to help, and it doesn't need to involve venting your heart out to them. It can just be a session of release in whatever way it needs to be that suits your needs.
The majority of healing in regard to topics of abuse comes from within. And I think accepting that you cannot forever remove those scars, but change your image of them is one of the main things to consider when moving forward from abuse. I'm so sorry to hear you've had negative experiences like that, and I do wish you the best in whatever decision you make. If you feel that it is something you ultimately cannot move past, I just hope you make the right decision for yourself- even if it's CTB. Just know you are always more than what your abuse can make you out to be. You've got this.
<3

 

[notSamiguess]

I honestly don't get it, if I talk with a therapist it won't make me forget how I got abused or how I feel mentally cause of that now and it won't make my dead family members alive and it won't give me more joy and it won't make my panic attacks go away cause it makes me fucking anxious what happened in the past and how lonely I feel.
To me they only seem like they care about that I don't ctb, I already tried to ctb twice with shitty methods and their argument for not ctb'ing was that my mother would be sad, it is true but that doesn't make my life better and honestly it is not my fault if I ctb it is the fault of the people who have abused me, in my opinion they should be charged with murder cause I will ctb cause of them.

Honestly, as someone who's special interest is phycology, I understand how it can possibly help but it's hard to put into words. I want to say it's like a shift in perspective but that's vague and doesn't tell you shit. Its more for the purpose of mentally processing what you've experienced and identifying how it's affected you then finding out how to treat the source of your problem (like if throughout your childhood you experienced something that changed your mindset and veiw of the world, its still possible to change the way you see it, even if it takes significantly more work to shift the deeply ingrained instinct that you were stuck with.) I wish I could explain it better, but I'm not a professional (sometimes I wish I was. Maybe if therapists had more personal experience with bad mental health they'd be more equipped to deal with others. Than again, that would probably also make them more susceptible to other people's trauma, so I suppose that's not an option in most cases. Comes full circle I guess.).

A lot of licenced mental health professionals should not be licensed, and there's plenty of horror stories to show for that. Its so common, in fact, that it has changed the common people's social veiw of how therapy is (which makes me seeth. The irresponsibility and uncaringness of some probably dead white man and his inaccurate studies still affecting people to this day ruining HUNDREDS of people's lives.) The responsibility has basically been left upon the victim to educate themselves on mental health and what treatment they should receive before they even GO to therapy even though that's the fucking POINT. Its awful, and no amount of funding is probably going to fix it either. Honestly the best treatment for this society wide problem is just word of mouth and public veiw. We need like a "rate my professor" for therapists (oh yeah and also a mass destigmatization of mental health issues, let alone GOING to therapy in the first place so that more people would TALK about it and it would be self regulated by the masses. But since the people who need and regularly go to therapy are not society's golden children, and certainly aren't strong enough mentally to do much social justice work, jack shit is going to happen about it.)

I am very tired, and have a lot more to say. But I do not have the energy to continue, and all I'm doing is verbalizing what we all already subconsciously understand. If you have any questions or want to hear more, just ask, I'll be really happy to info dump about it.

(I'm surprised I got this far, anyway. The power of nuerodivergency I guess (God, I love phycology).

 

[Dot]

I honestly don't get it, if I talk with a therapist it won't make me forget how I got abused or how I feel mentally cause of that now and it won't make my dead family members alive and it won't give me more joy and it won't make my panic attacks go away cause it makes me fucking anxious what happened in the past and how lonely I feel.
To me they only seem like they care about that I don't ctb, I already tried to ctb twice with shitty methods and their argument for not ctb'ing was that my mother would be sad, it is true but that doesn't make my life better and honestly it is not my fault if I ctb it is the fault of the people who have abused me, in my opinion they should be charged with murder cause I will ctb cause of them.

Therpy = an umbrlla trm fr lts of diffrnt thngs dependng on ur goals

Genrlly a therpst = spposd 2 b a sfe envirnmnt 2 tlk abt wht u cnnt elswhre

Othr therpsts act as a 2nd parent or ad additnl 'attchmnt' in ur lfe 2 b abl 2 project & procss unreslvd emotns on2 whch wld thn allw u 2 mve on wth lfe

Othrs jst mke u mre slf awre & gve u diffrnt knds of tools 2 mange issus

Slf hd a lw-qualty therpst whn slf needd a bettr 1 yrs ag/ -- l8tr on slf discvrd a v v gd therpst bt = ws 2 l8 & slf issus hd devlopd furthr thn wht sh/ ws abl 2 hlp wth whch = frstr8tng

 

[Lamentice]

100% agree that therapist only care that you don't ctb, it's really a scam. Been to therapy (was forced by insurance), been to group therapy as well, talked to psychiatrist (who illegally told other people my information), it's all a load of bullshit for people in our position. I think it's helpful to some.. really just those who are facing a temporary moment in time where they need some extra support to get through, but won't and have never suffered long-term. All the people I've known who preached, praised, and worshipped therapy for "changing their lives" were not people facing long-term misery. And they seemed to use them going to therapy as a way to make themselves seem better than others and prop themselves up on a pedestal, cause they've done so much self improvement of course. Many of those people also tried to force & manipulate me back into therapy (despite vocalizing my discomfort and even just saying no), including belittling me and making me feel like a horrible person as the reason I needed to go (because I was also "making their life harder" and needed to be "fixed"), and curating a list of therapists without me having a say on it or even being able to look at the list myself--because they wanted to choose for me (even though I was a full grown adult & would be paying out of my pocket).

And for my experiences with therapy, they weren't helpful. You can't even be completely honest and just let it all out.. because there's always the risk something you say crosses their line and they send you away. Not even offering a safe space (even though they advertise that they do).

 

[HopefulSleep]

I think one thing I've learned over time is that a lot of people have incorrect assumptions about the purpose of therapy. It shouldn't be considered a fix, but a tool. One thing you can use amongst others for the betterment of your mental health. It's a tool that will only work if you want it to and let it- and it takes some adjusting and mix-matching around until you get it right. Not every therapist is going to help every individual, I've come across some particularly bad ones- and ones I simply just didn't click with. That's perfectly okay.
You're right in saying therapy isn't going to take away your experiences. It isn't a guaranteed fix for feelings like loneliness, and most certainly isn't going to cure your depression. That's because it's not supposed to. There are different ways to address your internal and external struggles, and therapy is simply one of the most common options. When you do find a therapist that you feel isn't the worst, it can be a great outlet to just- vent for a little bit so you're not bottling things up all the time. It can take the stress off friends and family (given the context) while you find other alternatives. It's just one way to go about things.
Of course, no therapist is going to recommend you CTB as a way to escape your issues. That's the way society is wired, and pretty sure they'd be fired for doing so. And if you find venting about your past gives you anxiety- tell that to them. A good therapist will find alternative ways to help, and it doesn't need to involve venting your heart out to them. It can just be a session of release in whatever way it needs to be that suits your needs.
The majority of healing in regard to topics of abuse comes from within. And I think accepting that you cannot forever remove those scars, but change your image of them is one of the main things to consider when moving forward from abuse. I'm so sorry to hear you've had negative experiences like that, and I do wish you the best in whatever decision you make. If you feel that it is something you ultimately cannot move past, I just hope you make the right decision for yourself- even if it's CTB. Just know you are always more than what your abuse can make you out to be. You've got this.
<3

If they can't make the mental abuse scars go away I will ctb, no meaning in life then.

 

[Valky]

therapy only helps tiny issues or typical issues.

I strongly gotta disagree there
Well generally, therapies aren't there to make you forget because (as you already said) you can't. Therapy is there to explain why you feel that way which can help you feel less lost. Also, talking through it all can help you connect loose ends, even if you think you went through it countless times.

The right therapist still managed to help me connect loose ends that were so obvious but I have always overlooked.

Additionally, a therapist can help you see things from a new perspective. They can help you understand 'why' by bringing in some aspects of psychology and so on.

You are not necessarily there to solve problems, but to learn how to best process and handle them.

Recovery is not a steady path. There are a lot of ups and downs.

 

[FuneralCry]

It simply doesn't because it's a scam to profit from people's suffering. And even worse it can cause people to end up being locked in a psych ward simply for expressing their true feelings. Psych wards sound like horrific places that just make people want to die even more, from what I read people are treat badly in there.

 

[Archness]

As others said, therapy is really about Coping... Coping with problems, traumas, etc.

I don't really see the point myself. I understand my problems about as much as I could. Some would find it a usefull tool for all their problems, but not really for me. The downsides etc far outweighs the benefits for me.

The responsibility has basically been left upon the victim to educate themselves on mental health and what treatment they should receive before they even GO to therapy

Truth.

I usually consider things before asking for help because it just causes problems problems without any real solutions. Like, they pry the cracks open as step 1 of fixing a problem but leave it at that. That's not really literally everything, but many problems have a root. These root problems are sadly because of my defect brain. People helping usually goes :

= = =
See problem -> Tell me what it is (whatever they want it 2 be) -> Pretend to understand -> Try to fix -> Fail (can't cure autism) -> Gaslight -> Get frustrated -> Excuse frustration (tho I'M not allowed to be) -> Anger -> Brush it off, move on, etc -> REPEAT ::
= = =

You see this pointless cycle all the time with how the school and parents treat people who are too autistic to be normal but not autistic enough they can hide them away from society. The only differences is if there's frustration and anger, and if they just brush it off, but it's still ultimately a fruitless cycle. If only failing wasn't guaranteed, but in some problems it is: Every cycle they deny inevitability even more, they get more upset as the clock runs out, they pretend and cope themselves more and more, as it's in vain. When it can't be sustained, they abuse, rage, put you in a psych ward, etc.

Living with mother, I could see this "Cycle of helping" for what it is; I don't really "get help" because it'd just be more of the same.
It's just fucking over.

 

[Sparx]

I found therapy to be completely useless. Advice such as 'have you tried going for a walk' to fight depression/grief.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Therapy cant solve most issues. At best you can cope, but even then, it is not always worth it.

 

[Gena]

I don't like therapy at all. They just make you rehash things you would rather forget about. Then you probably get some "breathing "tecniques that don't help even the slightest. So really you are back to square one with the things you were trying to let go and now it is completely at the surface again. I don't understand what anyone gets out of it

 

[Dot]

Thnk = importnt 2 remmbr tht ppl fr whm therpy hs bn succssfl wll prbbly nt b on SaSu

SaSu membrs r lke oppste of survivrshp bias whn cnsidrng smethng lke therpy

& thre r lts of diffrnt typs -- jst talkng abt issus wll nt hlp evry1

Why a Bottom-Up Approach to Trauma Therapy is So Powerful - Brickel and Associates LLC

A bottom-up approach especially helpful for trauma survivors. It means noticing feelings that spark thoughts of danger, and working from the brain stem up.

brickelandassociates.com

 

[HopefulSleep]

I found therapy to be completely useless. Advice such as 'have you tried going for a walk' to fight depression/grief.

I also don't get it when they say things like that, as if it makes my problems go away.

 

[SexyIncél]

I found therapy to be completely useless. Advice such as 'have you tried going for a walk' to fight depression/grief.

shrink: <studies arcane shit like screwing your mom>
also shrink: Have you tried going for a walk?

If they care so much about helping people, why don't they come here and show how effective their profession is? Programmers write free software and opensource all the time

No, their snotty youtube kids try to shutdown free resources like SaSu, so mommy and daddy can pay their college

The responsibility has basically been left upon the victim to educate themselves on mental health and what treatment they should receive before they even GO to therapy even though that's the fucking POINT.

Haha I was just talking about that with someone today. You can't trust a rando practitioner, but gotta become a sophisticated consumer. Because they infight and steer you wrong. I first need to make a map of the psych world

Most of them are normies-who-make-normies. They don't know how to solve your problems -- unless they're purely psychological. They don't know much about non-psychological systems, so they're hapless normies in every other context you must navigate. Unless you're crazy lucky and hit The Chosen One, who can proactively help solve whatever life throws at you

 

[unsaiddes]

I don't get it either. I've been in therapy since I was a child and all I've ever gotten out of it was the minor catharsis of venting/crying. You can't be honest with a therapist and they can't change you, it sucks. I guess it doesn't help if you intellectualize all your problems or are resistant to getting better for some reason (I'm guilty of at least the former.)

It's a shame that therapy is this end-all be-all solution to mental health issues, yet there's seemingly a threshold for being too far gone for it to do anything. I still go because it's what I'm "supposed" to do.

 

[AkaRed]

If they can't make the mental abuse scars go away I will ctb, no meaning in life then.

That's okay. I just hope you make the right decision for yourself, and I wish you the best in whatever you pursue ^^
<3

 

[Ah.ow]

Honestly, as someone who's special interest is phycology, I understand how it can possibly help but it's hard to put into words. I want to say it's like a shift in perspective but that's vague and doesn't tell you shit. Its more for the purpose of mentally processing what you've experienced and identifying how it's affected you then finding out how to treat the source of your problem (like if throughout your childhood you experienced something that changed your mindset and veiw of the world, its still possible to change the way you see it, even if it takes significantly more work to shift the deeply ingrained instinct that you were stuck with.) I wish I could explain it better, but I'm not a professional (sometimes I wish I was. Maybe if therapists had more personal experience with bad mental health they'd be more equipped to deal with others. Than again, that would probably also make them more susceptible to other people's trauma, so I suppose that's not an option in most cases. Comes full circle I guess.).

A lot of licenced mental health professionals should not be licensed, and there's plenty of horror stories to show for that. Its so common, in fact, that it has changed the common people's social veiw of how therapy is (which makes me seeth. The irresponsibility and uncaringness of some probably dead white man and his inaccurate studies still affecting people to this day ruining HUNDREDS of people's lives.) The responsibility has basically been left upon the victim to educate themselves on mental health and what treatment they should receive before they even GO to therapy even though that's the fucking POINT. Its awful, and no amount of funding is probably going to fix it either. Honestly the best treatment for this society wide problem is just word of mouth and public veiw. We need like a "rate my professor" for therapists (oh yeah and also a mass destigmatization of mental health issues, let alone GOING to therapy in the first place so that more people would TALK about it and it would be self regulated by the masses. But since the people who need and regularly go to therapy are not society's golden children, and certainly aren't strong enough mentally to do much social justice work, jack shit is going to happen about it.)

I am very tired, and have a lot more to say. But I do not have the energy to continue, and all I'm doing is verbalizing what we all already subconsciously understand. If you have any questions or want to hear more, just ask, I'll be really happy to info dump about it.

(I'm surprised I got this far, anyway. The power of nuerodivergency I guess (God, I love phycology).

can I ask for the rest of the 'infodump'? it felt like valuable info, not 'dump'? it's alot but it feels necessary

shrink: <studies arcane shit like screwing your mom>
also shrink: Have you tried going for a walk?

If they care so much about helping people, why don't they come here and show how effective their profession is? Programmers write free software and opensource all the time

No, their snotty youtube kids try to shutdown free resources like SaSu, so mommy and daddy can pay their college


Haha I was just talking about that with someone today. You can't trust a rando practitioner, but gotta become a sophisticated consumer. Because they infight and steer you wrong. I first need to make a map of the psych world

Most of them are normies-who-make-normies. They don't know how to solve your problems -- unless they're purely psychological. They don't know much about non-psychological systems, so they're hapless normies in every other context you must navigate. Unless you're crazy lucky and hit The Chosen One, who can proactively help solve whatever life throws at you

is there more to the map?

 

[jbear824]

Therapy these days is a mixed bag because our mental health system is still based on profit and capitalism. The point of therapy is to get you back into society and back to work to make money for rich people.

Until that changes, many people will not benefit from it.