I'll be 24 in a month. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 12, I've attempted 2-3 times before but had SI issues and couldn't go through with it, I've tried 4 different therapists and only one didn't actively suck/make my situation worse, and despite doing all of the right things people push as solutions or as coping methods (trying therapy multiple times, using mental health apps, using drugs, not using anything and being extremely health conscious, working hard and getting good grades all through high school and college despite it all, getting a nice job with benefits, trying to talk to friends and family), I'm still very suicidal. I don't think it's ever going to go away or lighten up, and frankly I'm tired of being alive in spite of myself. But base animal survival instinct is a hell of a thing to try to override.