How often do you think about killing yourself?

[Un-]

Obviously your circumstances affect it.. But, on average I suppose. I think about it more minutely, I suppose. Things only distract me (if ever) for a couple of minutes or something, before I remember: "Right, my life is a fucking atrocity. When am I gonna order SN?".

My life is unbearable.

 

[counting-out-time]

Everyday is like a prison in this life. There is nothing left for me apart from paying taxes and having to work just to buy food. What sucks is I have ropes and straps to strangle myself but trying to get away somewhere in noticed is the hard part. Otherwise I'd do it in my parents home but wouldn't feel nice for them to find me dead in bed.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's hard to say really. I can't say it's constantly there- I can still distract myself (thankfully) although even then, thoughts pop up. I'd say hourly but it's definitely one of the first thoughts I have in the morning and the last at night... Looks like I have a crush on death.

 

[SamTam33]

It's nonstop for me. I even try to ctb in my dreams.

 

[deadliftEnjoyer]

It's nonstop for me. I even try to ctb in my dreams.

Funny, I also have a lot of dreams where I die
But I don't actually die, I most of the time I just get into a different dream
Must be my subconscious believe in reincarnation manifesting itself

 

[Ineedtodie]

Thinking about it all the time. Every minute is a nightmare.

 

[Un-]

It's nonstop for me. I even try to ctb in my dreams.

I generally have nightmares. Unrelated, but I do hate sleeping. A lot of people say they take comfort in it.. I can't explain it, but I feel the exact same dread going to bed, as I do waking up.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

I try to distract myself from it as much as possible
When I can, its just maybe once or twice a day
When distractions stop working its a lot more often, hourly at best

But I also dont think its as intense a feeling for me as it is most of the people here anyway
Ive only really started contemplating it recently, still not sure Im even capable of going through with it because of the fear, just wishing I was

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

Whenever I…

…wake up
…have a memory
…observe others having fun
…observe pregnancy in any stage
…think about how I'm just stuck in a world that only really values me for my physical body and what it "has so much potential" to do: work, fuck, make baby, care for baby
…etc.

Hashtag STOPMAKINGSLAVES

Hashtag STOPMAKINGSLAVES

Oopsies I misspelled. (^w^)

*STOPHAVINGKIDS

 

[outrider567]

Minutely--Each minute for 10 months now I think of it, but it wasn't until April when I finally got my Nitrogen that I then realized I could successfully carry it out at any time I want--The desire to CTB is always there....always

 

[SectOfValtiel]

I try to distract myself from it as much as possible
When I can, its just maybe once or twice a day
When distractions stop working its a lot more often, hourly at best

But I also dont think its as intense a feeling for me as it is most of the people here anyway
Ive only really started contemplating it recently, still not sure Im even capable of going through with it because of the fear, just wishing I was

its starting to happen a lot more often, though
maybe its because im on ss constantly lately but either way

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Mostly when I'm alone or when I look in the mirror at the misery in my eyes. Life has broken me, there is no fixing there is no peace!

 

[sevenkarmas]

When I go to bed, dreams that wake me in the middle of the night, in the morning, all day long. It consumes my thoughts.

 

[its-about-time]

When good things happen. When bad things happen. It's a constant thought. Not always terribly urgent. Very often "I could kill myself today, right now, these could be the last things I ever do." Can't tell you how many times I've bought what I thought was my last pack of cigarettes.

 

[Huntfish34]

Hourly I'd say, but it all ultimately depends on what I'm doing/ where I'm at. Currently Sitting here in my normal... usual happy place but I just missed a Nice fckn buck... and honestly wouldn't mind if I was.. Gone.. Into oblivion.

 

[FuneralCry]

Every waking moment, as long as I exist I will always be wishing to die. It's tiring being trapped in this life day after day. Finally leaving this world is what makes sense for me, the only thing that is a comfort is the thought of permanently ceasing to exist. I mean there is nothing more ideal than being dead. It's the solution to instantly end all problems, concerns and worries after all. The non existent never have to endure another day of this life.

Death is freedom from all the horrors that this life continues to bring, the only relief from suffering and the only escape from the prison that is consciousness. I've never wanted to be here at all, so of course to die is all that I wish for. I always envy those who have managed to free themselves from this life, those who die will always be lucky.

 

[BipolarExpress]

Every half-hour at least. I'm amazed I'm still alive with all this suicidal thinking.

 

[CTB Dream]

All time ths3 life torture prison alk pain suffer human species terrible force suffer ape prtenr advance many problems still no solution, this torture all minute second ctb neeed ,.n

 

[jodes2]

When not suicidal, I still think about it multiple times daily. When I am suicidal, it's hourly or minutely

 

[Life_and_Death]

other/multiple choice.
typically its every second. before my SO left i was just starting to get pulled out. i didnt think about it every single second, and it was nice. then he left and the thoughts came rushing back. but hes back and im settling down and not having as many thoughts again.

without him, every single second. not 1 goes by where i didnt wish i wasnt dead.
with him, its worth it to at least try to put up with it...no promises it'll stay this way forever though

 

[actual_fox]

It's nonstop for me. I even try to ctb in my dreams.

Mood man, I actually killed myself in my dreams multiple times. It was always to move from shitty dream to something else. Which is weird.

 

[noname223]

Currently between multiple times a day and hourly. But this is the best I have ever achieved. Currently I am in a good period. I don't want to go on when the bad times return and plan my suicide for it. I am so scared that the extreme pain returns.

 

[Insomniac]

Obviously your circumstances affect it.. But, on average I suppose. I think about it more minutely, I suppose. Things only distract me (if ever) for a couple of minutes or something, before I remember: "Right, my life is a fucking atrocity. When am I gonna order SN?".

My life is unbearable.

to answer your question, in my case, I'm not currently thinking of killing myself.

Because

1. I have given up on hope or on the concept of not suffering or having moments of peace. Suffering is all there is for me.

2. I believe ky various addictions will eventually lead me to an early death. I drink inhuman amount of coffee every day, take too much benzos per day (8mg), barely sleep, don't eat normally, work 16h/day.

I don't need to chase death anymore, death will come to me soon enough as you see.

3. The third reason is I stabbed my leg 6 months ago and it's now partially paralysed. I cannot walk without a support. I'm terrified now of doing something that'll leave me actually paralysed of brain dead.

4. I don't have access to SN or N and don't think I ever will. I failed at partial or full suspension hanging.

 

[dustyfurcollector]

It's nonstop for me. I even try to ctb in my dreams.

I'm sorry. It must be terrible to be so laser focused on something and not doing it. I was in the several times a day group and that's an awful lot to me. But truly the only thing making me not do it is my responsibility for my 2 pets whom I absolutely love and adore.

 

[Suicidе]

minutely -> daily

Thinking of suicide was a huge comfort to me until my memory and attention became worse and caused obsessions with unimportant and stupid shit. Life has worsened.

 

[ikadasui]

It begins as soon as I wake up. Sometimes I'll get distracted, but I need constant PLEASANT! Very important here, but pleasant distractions be it media or people I enjoy, otherwise I will just fixate on ending my shit constantly. Reversible if I'm in a situation I dislike doesn't matter how small it may be, the feeling is amplified considerably, like I cannot stomach inconveniences anymore which is why my work performance has tanked so much. It's just a cold, wet den of misery and sometimes I'll find a warm dry corner but it never stays soothing for long

 

[TheCyberian]

I imagine that many people intermittently experience suicidal thoughts inbetween periods of normalcy. For me, it's the opposite. I feel brief periods of hope and normalcy on a daily basis, but the vast majority of the time I'm thinking of death.

 

[Forgotten]

At least once a day. Starting to get unbearable again.

 

[aladdin]

Only when my symptoms flare up.

 

[niiina]

I think about it all the time, it torments me a lot, I'll never find peace if I don't ctb. It's on my head all the time