How much time do you think do you have left?

[noname223]

I think on Monday I will crash from my most recent love delusion. And I am simply not able to stomach more of that. I consider to lie to all of them. Even my closest friends about a new order of SN. I am in a mixed manic depressive episodes and this life is hell.

When I am around people I always pretend to be in a good mood. The manic symptoms help to act. I could imagine the next 6 months are the my last on earth. I am tired. I am very tired. It could happen faster. But it also could happen later. I had a horrendous trip to a clinic for acute suicidal people recently. I don't want to go there again. I am desperate. The walls are closing in. Suicide has become even harder. The desperation grows.

 

[tpboy]

i can relate

 

[Forever Sleep]

Too much. However much it is, it's too much.

 

[DeadNotSleeping]

For me it feels closer to like, a doomsday clock type of thing. Some days push me closer to midnight, while other days pull me further away.

 

[hauntyoueveryday]

I thought I was going to die on the 27th but some stuff happened and I had to change my plans :( I don't imagine I have too long left but it is still hard to fathom the thought of a real end

 

[thereisnoone]

I know I will die 5-10 years from now, but the chance of speeding that up is possible in the state of myself

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I'm going to try to wait a year or so, but… I don't know. It's hard to gauge these things.

 

[CTB Dream]

Me no know need disapre fst need sleep no wake, hpn stay v dngr lng hpn vege potat

 

[Username1359751]

1-3mo

 

[iloveyouihateyou]

i feel like it fluctuates everyday but right now it's been feeling like i'm in my final year of living, i'll just have to see where the road takes me... even if i don't die now i wonder how many more years i can stomach. i feel like to ctb is inevitable, i just don't think i have the will or want to live past, let's say 30 at the maximum

 

[reyonrays]

probably 4 months, i feel its getting closer and closer, the urge to be gone is so great, only thing that keeps me from doing it is my mom.
I was very open against my mom about ctb, and she is heartbroken, so i might not be able to go through with it, but time will tell.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Probably a few years but no more. I don't have it in me to go through life's demands. I will inevitably go homeless from being unable to conform to society and my parent's desires to get me married and give them a kid. And, subsequently, I will die from being homeless for too long because I have absolutely no idea on how to survive nor do I want to learn how to survive. Maybe I might just throw myself into a random river out of desperation even if it seems unlikely to work. I don't even care about the pain caused by the method anymore, I just want to be gone out of existence. I hate being alive!

 

[prone2fury]

until the next exceptionally bad day

 

[deadtrace]

Too much. As much as I want to I know I probably won't attempt, even if things get exceptionally bad again I'll just shut down and close myself off again. I can't seem to let go of the desire for everything to get better and just live a good life somehow, even though at this point that isn't going to happen, I've gotten plenty of evidence of that.