How much time do you have left?

[Fragile]

I was wondering about this since I already set my date.

And also some questions for those of you who have a specific day or a time-frame:

How do you feel about it?
Is there any significance to your date?
What would make you postpone it or reconsider?


For me it feels very surreal to know that I barely have a couple of months left, but I know that this is it and it's my only chance, so I won't back out. I'll try my best to enjoy them.
I only hope that I get to see a beautiful sunset and a final full moon. Always loved those, and it's truly the last memory I want to have.

 

[262653]

Too much time to cope with. I wish I could sell some, like in that movie with Justin Timberland.

I've had way too many dates to keep treating them seriously.

 

[LastWhisper]

I could gone in November, but telling about that to my friend was a huge mistake that fucked it up. Now I'm finishing to sort out some things and then I'm ready to go. I feel nothing, I guess. I have a prepared place where I've been many times last few months, so it does not makes me to feel anything anymore, I would say like a regular daily task.

 

[Thegoldenapples]

I've got about 3-4 months. Once I get my dad better, he wants to head away for a couple of months. I'm too sick to look after myslef. Cant even drive anymore so will have to go with him and that's just not happening. When he organises that, I'll book a room by the sea. It's sad. I'm sad for my dad because I don't want to do this to him. He's the only concern I have. Hoping he will be able to get past it and it doesn't ruin his life. I blame this all on medical negligence. They should be the ones going through this after they mess people up. Then they might learn to do their job properly.

 

[Endeavour]

I haven't set a date that would I think be too stressful for me. I have days where I feel utterly miserable and can't see the point of carrying on, and on those days I get close to ending it all. Recently those days have been getting worse and worse, I came the closest I've ever been 2 days ago.

Then yesterday I didn't feel so bad, but today I feel really low again. I just don't know whats up with me, but I know that at some point I'll feel so crap I'll just do it.

I feel it will be sooner rather than later.

 

[Fragile]

I've got about 3-4 months. Once I get my dad better, he wants to head away for a couple of months. I'm too sick to look after myslef. Cant even drive anymore so will have to go with him and that's just not happening. When he organises that, I'll book a room by the sea. It's sad. I'm sad for my dad because I don't want to do this to him. He's the only concern I have. Hoping he will be able to get past it and it doesn't ruin his life. I blame this all on medical negligence. They should be the ones going through this after they mess people up. Then they might learn to do their job properly.

I relate to you quite a bit, I've also became ill to the point that I can't care for myself and there's no real treatment, so it's been up to my mother and my brothers to help me in many ways. They mean the world to me and I really don't want to ruin their lives with this.
But I can't live like this and I cant lose this chance.

I hope that everything works out for you and your father.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Think I can hold on for another year, at least. Being confused about the details of full suspension are also a prolonging factor. Slipknot or hangman's, learning a knot for the anchor point, testing everything, finding a very secluded place with a good tree, etc.

Edit: I made a preliminary plan to have something concrete just in case. I have a small book of knots that described a knot good for securing hammocks and swings to trees, so that should obviously work for full suspension, too. Since the rope is extremely strong (climbing line) I think I don't have to worry about choosing the optimal knots in regards to strength. I can therefore focus on simplicity and low friction. I also wrote down and am learning the "simple noose", it's very, very simple, which is great. https://www.survivalworld.com/knots/simple-noose/#.WyCwBYpCTcs Since I plan on lubing the rope with some soap or dish-wash, at the very least (might be overkill or unnecessary but it can't really hurt, and I'll lube after I've already tied the knots), and with the rope being very strong I should get away with using this simple knot, I think?

I tried tying a shoelace in the simple knot and it was very easy to tie (obviously), it also tightened when I pulled down on the noose and held the correct line. I even wrote down the "instructions" just in case my memory fails, lol. Now I just have to learn the other, more complicated knot from my book (there are apparently a shit-ton of knots that one can use to secure things, btw) and decide on which length of rope to cut. I might also want to learn a stopper knot, just to be extra sure that the book's knot won't unravel.

Edit 2: My mood got slightly elevated now that a suicide looks within grasp and I realize I have everything I need: Rope, knife, the two knots written down, soap/dish-wash, forest, means to travel very far away into a completely isolated forest instead of just going to the nearest one if I want (more comfy to not have to travel, though). Rather have a shotgun loaded with slugs or 00 (or N), but I'm happy to have a thought-out and reliable method on stand-by until I do.

Edit 3: The knot from the book was very easy to tie when following the illustrated instructions, fuck yes.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I wish I had a date but right now I can't plan because my parents are very overprotective, and they check every package I get / would definitely notice if I CTB even if at night. I'm just waiting for them to give me more space but I'm scared it will take a long long time. I'm also trying to make money somehow to buy N.

the thought of them always being behind my back scares me... I depend on them because I'm disabled and would probably never be able to work in my life. I try to calm myself with the thought that one day they'll die and I'll be free. Or maybe theyll become too old to care about me . But that will probably take 20-30 years :( I can't stand this anymore!

 

[Thegoldenapples]

I relate to you quite a bit, I've also became ill to the point that I can't care for myself and there's no real treatment, so it's been up to my mother and my brothers to help me in many ways. They mean the world to me and I really don't want to ruin their lives with this.
But I can't live like this and I cant lose this chance.

I hope that everything works out for you and your father.

Thanks man. You too. Yeah, you've gotta die with some dignity left you know. Always being sick and being that sick person gets tiring and jsut always being in bed disconnected to the world and yourself. Your family will have each other so that a good thing. I'll be writing him a note which I think will help. You can always suggest for them to contact a medium about a year after you pass. You would have finished for processes upstairs by then. I saw one and mum came through. Was really amazing. That way it might help them feel more connected even though you're not on earth.

 

[Sensei]

I haven't set a date. I still hope that my situation will get better, but I if it doesn't, I'll eventually kill myself, somewhere between a month and three years from now.

 

[ashedout]

I'm hoping to get a vaccine around August/September (need to travel to get SN), quit my job, live for however long doing whatever, and then ctb early October before my 30th birthday.

Sometimes I feel okay about it and knowing that I have a date set gets me through a lot of the bullshit of day to day life. Other times I resent having to wait so long and heavily consider doing it impulsively one night with a different method. Significance to the date is around when I think I can travel and doesn't really have anything to do with turning 30. The first time I knew I was going to die by suicide, it was my 10th birthday so maybe it would be poetic to go on my 30th birthday??? I don't care though. This date would change based on when/if I can drive the 2 hours to the USA (right now it seems vaccine dependent for the border control to lessen). If the border opened tomorrow, I would go tomorrow.

 

[WornOutLife]

6 to 12 months I think.
I'm doing my best to live but it's really difficult so there are two options:
Either I ctb this year or I live until I'm grey and old. This is the last shot I've given to life.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

I was wondering about this since I already set my date.

And also some questions for those of you who have a specific day or a time-frame:

How do you feel about it?
Is there any significance to your date?
What would make you postpone it or reconsider?


For me it feels very surreal to know that I barely have a couple of months left, but I know that this is it and it's my only chance, so I won't back out. I'll try my best to enjoy them.
I only hope that I get to see a beautiful sunset and a final full moon. Always loved those, and it's truly the last memory I want to have.

I have my date set. August this year because I want to die before my next birthday (October) and before my brothers birthday (September) that way he won't think of my death every time his birthday come around. So I have 5 months left.

 

[Fragile]

I have my date set. August this year because I want to die before my next birthday (October) and before my brothers birthday (September) that way he won't think of my death every time his birthday come around. So I have 5 months left.

I decided on my date for the same reason, I really don't want my death to be the only thing that some family members remember near their birthday.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

Two months baby!!! SO excited!!

 

[sorella santini]

I'd like to say I only have a few weeks left. But I need the right circumstances. I cannot have my children find me. I will not do that to them. So it could end up being a few months. I'm hoping it's not longer than that.

 

[usernameforhere]

I've got one thing left I'd like to accomplish. I'd like to pass along a system I developed to someone. Good kid. After that I really hope to just lay down, take something and go to sleep. I don't see myself reconsidering. Tbh, I don't want to. Gotta be careful though, my pulse has been unreasonably high, it is possible to mind over matter yourself into something you don't want. Heart issues seem like a bad way to go. Sleep.

 

[BandAddict]

I don't have a date yet, but have been toying around with the idea of maybe setting a date for the next couple of months. Depends on when I can get my hands on SN (which could be in the next month if I'm lucky,) and how low my moods swing around then.

I have mixed feelings about it, but I feel like lately it's been seeming like a more realistic idea, being within this year at least.

I don't know what could stop me at this point. Unless I somehow mentally turn things around before the end of this short-term therapy program I'm on, but I doubt it.

 

[Fragile]

Thanks man. You too. Yeah, you've gotta die with some dignity left you know. Always being sick and being that sick person gets tiring and jsut always being in bed disconnected to the world and yourself. Your family will have each other so that a good thing. I'll be writing him a note which I think will help. You can always suggest for them to contact a medium about a year after you pass. You would have finished for processes upstairs by then. I saw one and mum came through. Was really amazing. That way it might help them feel more connected even though you're not on earth.

I'll also leave some letters for them, however, I'm sure that not even the most beautiful and thoughtful letter will take away the pain, but it's definitely something that they'll appreciate, and it will probably bring some form of closure in the long run.

Also, thank you for the suggestion, my mother is very spiritual so maybe something like this could bring some form of peace to her.

 

[FreeAngel]

I've decided to go in 8 months on my birthday or sooner if I can't stand it anymore

 

[esann7]

I don't have a set date yet, but I really want to do it by the end of my academic semester
2020 was supposed to be the year I died, but I was too scared to hurt my friends and family. But screw that.

 

[brokenwaves]

first time in my life i actually have somewhat of a "plan" and time frame. every attempt before now has always been impulsive and driven by a big depressive episode mixed with some other lovely mental struggles. i see the end in sight and it feels right that it should be soon. what delays me are events outside of my control. my sister got diagnosed with an illness and has been undergoing treatment, i want to wait a few months until she is healed and back into normality. so by the end of this year, i will make my departure. i don't have the strength within me to go beyond this year it just isn't possible - but a few months, that i can try my best to fight through

 

[Ame]

I have set a very specific "kill myself by" date in September that has a certain significance to it. It is also ideal in that none of my immediate family members have a birthday in that month, so it is a "safer" month to taint in that sense. I have also considered killing myself on the eve of my birthday so that the date on my death certificate matches that of my birth certificate. The rationale behind that choice would be to reduce the number of painful anniversaries to one day as opposed to two. It would be nice for the opening to match the close, but my birthday would be the absolute limit - any date beyond that would be intolerable. I also fear that the probability of my "bus ticket" being discovered and seized would increase with time.

I don't know how likely I am to wait that long because I don't really want to add another notch to my age. It might be silly, but my significant other was older than me and we had a bit of a "senior-junior" dynamic. I am acutely aware that with every moment that passes, the gap in our ages continues to become ever narrower. I would like to die while I am still his junior.

 

[loopylou]

Let's just say 'not long'

 

[the_final_countdown]

I don't think I have the capability to kill myself.

But if someone were to hold me up at gun point, I'd beg for the bullet.

Was lazily thinking of ways to put myself in danger. It's just a coping mechanism though.

Maybe hire a hit man if I were in Brazil.

 

[booray]

This may sound ridiculous, but my car lease is up at the end of July, so I either have to buy it or turn it in. I see no point in buying it for obvious reasons, but if I turn it in, everyone will be wondering why. So my plan is to ctb before the lease is up and instruct my family to return the car in my suicide note.

 

[lofticries]

Mostly likely until both my parents die. I'm a fuck up as a kid but I don't want to burden them more with depression over my suicide. Not to mention it will give me more time to plan and practice my CTM to the point where it doesn't feel like a suicide but a graduation of some kind(from life). However things can change depending on what state I'm in. I'm not a very stable person.

I never plan on having kids and having a boyfriend/friend of some kind irl seems so foreign to me and even then I'd probably still go through with my plan. I don't wanna age and die a painful slow death in the hospital to who knows what. Not to mention I have a list full of mental illnesses that don't look to be going anywhere soon.

 

[NightmareTour]

How do you feel about it?
I won't deny that there's some kind of fear about it, that little rush of adrenaline when you think about dying. Logically though I know it's nothing to be scared of, it happens to everyone eventually no matter what. I'm more worried about how my family will feel.


Is there any significance to your date?
The other dates I had set had significance of some kind, but this one is just leaving one last chance for something to change. Its stupid and I know it won't, but it feels better to leave that opportunity. No matter what, I'm going out being able to say I tried everything.

What would make you postpone it or reconsider?
A promise of actual, effective, long term help. I know I'm not getting it though. It's like repeatedly slamming my head into a brick wall and expecting it to break this time. It's clearly a waste of time, and allowing myself to keep getting my hopes up only hurts myself and the people around me even more in the long run. Might as well rip off the bandage and get it over with.

 

[GarageKarate07]

I'm not sure. I fear I am too ill to be here for much longer. I'm very scared of death from my illness and if I CTB. I think I could feel "less guilty" if I wait until death but I don't trust the systems we have in place to take care of me well enough. It might be soon. Sooner than I want to admit. So that's a hard question for some to answer. ❤

 

[Lost10]

Soon. Days or a week or 2 at most. So wish I had SN a few weeks ago. It would have been much easier then.