notori
Member
- Nov 26, 2023
- 40
hey everyone. I need some assistance in regard to the SN method which is my main method besides hanging. How much do I need to order? How should I measure it? I'm in the US, I've been looking at alibaba but if anyone has any better sources that could get it to me quicker (PM me) I would greatly appreciate it. Also if anyone has experience from ordering SN from alibaba please let me know. If SN isn't going to be available to me what other chemicals could I get here that could be an equivalent? I weigh pretty low so would 20g be fine or should I do 25?
For some back story on me, I've been dealing with intense PTSD for over 5 years now because of what I experienced while I was in an abusive teen challenge boarding school/conversion therapy/ wilderness therapy and I just can't live with it anymore. I previously tried to CTB 5 years ago now from hypovolemic shock in which I would've succeed, but someone found me and I got medical treatment. I've been clean for these past 5 years and since I got out of residential therapy everyone has thought I've been doing great. I'm a straight A student in college right now, I graduated high school with a 4.0. I am diagnosed with bipolar, ptsd, gad, major depressive disorder etc but I go to therapy and see a psychiatrist and all that. I think a lot of my problem is that I really don't have any friends. I haven't hung out with a group of people since I graduated high school. When I'm at work it's usually only one other person with me. I have a partner, and that's the only person I really talk to. I'm so lonely and desperate. When I was in high school and had a lot of trouble making friends I thought it would be better in college. So far, not at all. I mean, I'm in a community college right now and in the process of transferring to a more established and larger public university which is where I'll be in a month or so if I don't CTB, but god I feel so hopeless. I don't want to be a burden to my family anymore with how much my treatments and medication has costed for my PTSD. I'm looking at ECT and Ketamine treatments with my doctor right now and I just don't think I'm worth all the trouble. My main concern is my family finding me, I might drive out somewhere if I use the SN method so they're not the ones to find me. The screams I heard from my mom after my first CTB attempt echo in my head, and it's horrific. I love my mom so much and I don't want to put her through that again. I just want everything to be over quick to end my suffering, and I would greatly appreciate the help.
For some back story on me, I've been dealing with intense PTSD for over 5 years now because of what I experienced while I was in an abusive teen challenge boarding school/conversion therapy/ wilderness therapy and I just can't live with it anymore. I previously tried to CTB 5 years ago now from hypovolemic shock in which I would've succeed, but someone found me and I got medical treatment. I've been clean for these past 5 years and since I got out of residential therapy everyone has thought I've been doing great. I'm a straight A student in college right now, I graduated high school with a 4.0. I am diagnosed with bipolar, ptsd, gad, major depressive disorder etc but I go to therapy and see a psychiatrist and all that. I think a lot of my problem is that I really don't have any friends. I haven't hung out with a group of people since I graduated high school. When I'm at work it's usually only one other person with me. I have a partner, and that's the only person I really talk to. I'm so lonely and desperate. When I was in high school and had a lot of trouble making friends I thought it would be better in college. So far, not at all. I mean, I'm in a community college right now and in the process of transferring to a more established and larger public university which is where I'll be in a month or so if I don't CTB, but god I feel so hopeless. I don't want to be a burden to my family anymore with how much my treatments and medication has costed for my PTSD. I'm looking at ECT and Ketamine treatments with my doctor right now and I just don't think I'm worth all the trouble. My main concern is my family finding me, I might drive out somewhere if I use the SN method so they're not the ones to find me. The screams I heard from my mom after my first CTB attempt echo in my head, and it's horrific. I love my mom so much and I don't want to put her through that again. I just want everything to be over quick to end my suffering, and I would greatly appreciate the help.
