How much longer

[claviceps.purpurea]

I don't know how much longer I can hold on

What once fed me, now poisons me
Consuming my brain at the edges of my being
Devouring me from within

Everything I had has vanished
Everything I loved is over


Every bond feels fake now
Every gaze feels hollow

Every word a mask worn by strangers

Now I see

Humans are the most wretched, the most dangerous
The most unaware creatures I have ever known


I once believed I had lost my humanity
That I was no longer one of them
One of those selfish, blind monsters


But I am

I wanted to be more than this

I wanted to be different
To stand apart from all of this


I wanted to be like him
I wanted to be special


But I am like everyone else
Maybe I'm just more conscious
That I'm only a curse

A shadow that erased what good remained
I'm weak, flawed and miserable

If I'm still here is just because I'm a coward
Who is still afraid of nothingness

But I'm here for a purpose
I'll learn how to cope it and I'll leave this awful world

It took me away everything I had before
It left me alone without even having the chance to shed tears
And now life is meaningless, worthless, useless

 

[k1m]

You may like Louise Gluck's poems. Being hurt lets you relate to the feelings better.

 

[mychois]

Your poem is very touching, you said "Every bond feels fake now", I feel about the same with you. For my part, I've found every bond so fake, so sad
I wish you peace.

 

[claviceps.purpurea]

You may like Louise Gluck's poems. Being hurt lets you relate to the feelings better.

Thank you for the suggestion

Your poem is very touching, you said "Every bond feels fake now", I feel about the same with you. For my part, I've found every bond so fake, so sad
I wish you peace.

Thank you so much. I haven't either considered this as a poem. It's just the way I preferred to write my thoughts down. Yet, I'm glad it reached u somehow. I'm also sorry you can relate on that feeling, it's terrible.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

It took me away everything I had before
It left me alone without even having the chance to shed tears
And now life is meaningless, worthless, useless

I feel you, so true for where I'm at as well. An empty shell, fake. How much longer? I guess when the emptiness takes over completely, when another breath becomes unbearable. Sending love and hugs.

 

[claviceps.purpurea]

I feel you, so true for where I'm at as well. An empty shell, fake. How much longer? I guess when the emptiness takes over completely, when another breath becomes unbearable. Sending love and hugs.

I feel I'm very close to the "full emptiness". But I'm not at that point yet. Otherwise, I'd not be even here. I'd be already dead rn.
I'm so sorry for you too. Sending love and hugs is mutual.