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samhelloall9

Experienced
Jul 16, 2018
297
We should all know the lingo by now, but it's just something that's dawned on me today, not for any particular reason, as I'm not always active on here.

I've been waiting for the bus for 4 years now, particularly because I was hoping a local passenger would come along for the ride or help me to find the bus stop...seems like I'm starting to wonder, if there is such a thing as past lives, that my fear of heights must've come from what I'm giving consideration to in the coming 2-3 years or earlier if I'm still waiting for the bus alone.

In other words, how much longer do you think you can wait for the bus, especially if it's running late or you were expecting not to be the only one solo at the bus stop?

Sigh. I do fear failing on my own, just because I know my bad luck in life. Really, I'm quite a clumsy, unlucky guy.
 
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FroggMan

Member
May 8, 2018
35
I don't know but it can't come soon enough.
 
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strained03

strained03

Member
Aug 1, 2018
66
2 months if I stay at this state of mind. I feel like I got up something, elevated myself to a certain point of determination and serenity at the same time. But years and years if I keep it quiet.
 
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Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
5-8 months tops altho I'm pretty sure I could drag this out for years with the help of alcohol... but it's time to stop procrastinating and do what I should have done a decade ago.
 
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Sundayafternoon

Sundayafternoon

Cosmic panic
May 18, 2018
394
Until I'm dead. Honestly, I don't know when I'll be able to do it. But, I can't imagine not wanting it.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I'm waiting until I don't have a choice but to kill myself. I think I have one or two months left before I figure out if I have to die. To be honest, I wish I knew today so that I didn't have to suffer through this long and drawn-out process. Waiting to find-out if you have to die is torture. I really don't want to die, but if I lose my income then I have to die.
 
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deflagrat

deflagrat

¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
Apr 9, 2018
360
I'm waiting until I don't have a choice but to kill myself. I think I have one or two months left before I figure out if I have to die. To be honest, I wish I knew today so that I didn't have to suffer through this long and drawn-out process. Waiting to find-out if you have to die is torture. I really don't want to die, but if I lose my income then I have to die.
Why do you think that you are going to lose your disability benefits? Did they say something about it?
 
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Dead_Inside

Dead_Inside

Wizard
Jul 2, 2018
622
Missed the bus twice already. I can't be late next time. Have somewhere I need to be. I can wait maybe 8 months.... but only maybe. I probably will miss it again but at least I tried.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
Why do you think that you are going to lose your disability benefits? Did they say something about it?

They didn't say anything about it. I've been through the review process twice before and I was never worried. This time I am worried, though, and I think it's because of the state of politics here in the U.S.
 
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Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
638
A very, very long time. I'm talking decades, potentially. There are many reasons why this is, but. to put it simply, so long as my situation is the way it is, then I honestly can't see myself ever being able to CTB. My fear/survival instinct is too great and, what's more, I'm also a lazy, weak bastard who can't even muster up enough energy to deal with the minuscule physical exertion required to die, let alone having to set up everything that would be involved beforehand, depending on the method. Ultimately, for me, it's easier to just do nothing since, considering my somewhat pampered existence as an extremely reclusive hermit, I can afford to just keep scraping by without too much difficulty to my person. Life may often feel, and is, completely intolerable for me, but, the fact of the matter is, that until my parents die and, as a result, my living arrangements completely fall apart, thereby ripping away what few shreds of comfort/stability I enjoy, then, and only then, will a real possibility exist for me to finally be able to take my own life. I mean, at that point, there wouldn't really be any chance of shrugging it off anymore, now would there? Considering the hellishness of the circumstances, being lost & alone in a twisted uncaring world without any skills or ability to survive on my own, suicide would essentially be the only option left. I wouldn't be caught in the same gray limbo I'm in now, where just being able to hack it from one empty, worthless day to the next is actually something that's not only doable, but fundamentally unavoidable. I'm drawn inextricably to the path of least resistance, unfortunately. It sucks me down like a raging whirlpool or a patch of voracious quicksand. And, for right now, zombie shambling my way through the days is that path. Once my little world falls apart however, I can only hope death will suddenly seem like the easiest path to walk, but the deeply unsettling idea that it won't, is more than enough to keep me up at night. One of my greatest fears is that, no matter how painful life gets, no matter how much suffering I experience, no matter how visceral the agony of it all (etc.), that, despite it all, despite everything which may happen, I'll always be too weak/afraid and I'll never be able to commit suicide. Either way, the only thing I can do right now is wait. Wait and see what happens, and pray I die unexpectedly somehow. Why did I have to exist....

tumblr_n0jm3dPsP51rnpl15o2_1280.jpg
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
Its really up in the air for me, I swing back and forth everyday. A major or even minor crisis can push me into suicidal ideation.
 
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Suicideisnirvana

Suicideisnirvana

Specialist
Aug 4, 2018
312
2 Years. I promised myself to try and occupy my time till i get Nembutal at least, because it's torture to think about suicide everyday without having the mean to do it, i will wait till i get Nembutal, then and only then think of the date, if i should do it or wait some time etc.
 
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deflagrat

deflagrat

¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
Apr 9, 2018
360
A very, very long time. I'm talking decades, potentially. There are many reasons why this is, but. to put it simply, so long as my situation is the way it is, then I honestly can't see myself ever being able to CTB. My fear/survival instinct is too great and, what's more, I'm also a lazy, weak bastard who can't even muster up enough energy to deal with the minuscule physical exertion required to die, let alone having to set up everything that would be involved beforehand, depending on the method. Ultimately, for me, it's easier to just do nothing since, considering my somewhat pampered existence as an extremely reclusive hermit, I can afford to just keep scraping by without too much difficulty to my person. Life may often feel, and is, completely intolerable for me, but, the fact of the matter is, that until my parents die and, as a result, my living arrangements completely fall apart, thereby ripping away what few shreds of comfort/stability I enjoy, then, and only then, will a real possibility exist for me to finally be able to take my own life. I mean, at that point, there wouldn't really be any chance of shrugging it off anymore, now would there? Considering the hellishness of the circumstances, being lost & alone in a twisted uncaring world without any skills or ability to survive on my own, suicide would essentially be the only option left. I wouldn't be caught in the same gray limbo I'm in now, where just being able to hack it from one empty, worthless day to the next is actually something that's not only doable, but fundamentally unavoidable. I'm drawn inextricably to the path of least resistance, unfortunately. It sucks me down like a raging whirlpool or a patch of voracious quicksand. And, for right now, zombie shambling my way through the days is that path. Once my little world falls apart however, I can only hope death will suddenly seem like the easiest path to walk, but the deeply unsettling idea that it won't, is more than enough to keep me up at night. One of my greatest fears is that, no matter how painful life gets, no matter how much suffering I experience, no matter how visceral the agony of it all (etc.), that, despite it all, despite everything which may happen, I'll always be too weak/afraid and I'll never be able to commit suicide. Either way, the only thing I can do right now is wait. Wait and see what happens, and pray I die unexpectedly somehow. Why did I have to exist....
Your life resembles my life a lot. I like how you express yourself, I am your fan now.
 
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RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Administrator
Jun 12, 2018
2,106
My deadline is September. I can't delay it any further because I'm desperate to die. I would have it done already but there are a couple of things I need to take care of first. But September is okay. It will be after my birthday and I think 24 is a good age to die. I initially wanted to die in 2017, but it doesn't really make a difference anymore. It will be over soon and that's all that counts for me.

My N lasts until the end of 2019 so I could probably wait another year, hypothetically speaking. But simply the thought of going through this nightmare for another year makes me shiver. No thanks. I'm done. And I'm ready to leave. 2018 is gonna be my year.
 
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okaoki

okaoki

last
Aug 4, 2018
251
last 2 months of accessing internet , after that theres no other choices.
 
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throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Aug 5, 2018
1,446
It was supposed to end today. I have approached my deadline, but for some reason it's easier to live a shitty life than die.

Now I don't know when it'll end. And that scares me. I have been looking for other methods but........
 
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B

Battered_Seoul

Experienced
Jun 13, 2018
235
On some level, I would like to wait until I can bear witness to some kind of global rejection of optimism and positivity as the realities of geopolitical, climatological and economic collapse cause the majority of people to turn against Being en masse and treat it with the contempt and disgust it deserves. This could offer the possibility of reliable and dignified self-deliverance being considered as a form of pragmatic and compassionate social policy.However, this doesn't seem likely at all in the short term.

I think it will be several months before I've attained the suitable state of calm resignation and gathered the necessary medication. Unless I decide to go somewhere warm, it may be that the prospect of confronting a harsh winter will force my hand this year.
 
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M

musicislife

Student
Jun 15, 2018
159
It was supposed to end today. I have approached my deadline, but for some reason it's easier to live a shitty life than die.

Now I don't know when it'll end. And that scares me. I have been looking for other methods but........
What stopped you
 
M

musicislife

Student
Jun 15, 2018
159
I don't think besides many people on here that a day is chosen I think it's done by impulse or things get too much and they snap im amazed people set dates because I just don't think they settle on them
 
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I

itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
478
I'm probably gonna do it missed September I'm waiting to see if one last treatment works for my condition. I am not willing to go through with anymore tests or procedures. It's been 2 1/2 years with this and still no answer. It's absolutely unbearable physically and mentally. I have had it with all the people around who keep telling me to try. They probably couldn't take this shit for more than a week. I kind of know it's stupid for me to expect a miracle, but I need to know I exhausted all my options. I also don't think I ever would have amounted to anything despite my schooling and determination. At the end day I just want to be left alone and not bothered with all that life requires. I am gonna go with sn method and get really stoned beforehand so I don't freak out during it and do something stupid like ask for help. I have been asking for help over two years. There is no fucking help. I've reached my breaking point.
 
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