I just came home from my self-help group and man it was rough. I will stay vague but there was a new person he told us he does not have mental illness and I was kind of confused. He opened up and told us very recenty his uncle committed murder suicide and killed himself and his minor children. He himself is so shocked by that fact that he is suicidal himself. He told us he fantasizes about killing himself violently and depicted it graphically to us. I am not sure how shocked the others were. The last extreme case was me telling them my therapists gave up on me and think that I gonna kill myself eventually. And I also told them when I was acute suicidal. It is good that I am not the sole extreme case.
I am not sure how much that burdened me. After our session I asked someone in this group whether it burdened him. And he told me no the opposite happened it actually distracted him from his problems. And his issues were that the right wing populist party got the second best result in the elections of the European parliament in our country. Like bruh. I wish I had these problems. He said he barely could sleep because of that. After I opened up about my severe suicidality I asked someone's honest opinion whether my suicidality burdened him and he said not really. And I am pretty sure it was the truth. Actually I like that this group allows talks on such topics. In our clinic suicidiality was a red flag. I am not sure how much it affected the only woman in our group. I am slightly interested in her. Honestly, I have the feeling she is quite compassionate and struggles listening to such stories. But we are one of her few social interactions. I begin to be interested into her. But that's overthinking. I barely know her she barely talks about herself. I am not sure how she was doing after this talk.
Actually I am really unsure how it affected me. The explicit descriptions of violent actions to commit suicide reminded me of my rock bottom. The desire to punish yourself combined with nightmares. It sort of distracted me. The session on relationships certainly burdened me way way more. I almost died that session. I would not say it improved my mood as the other guy. I think it rather made me feel worse. I am not sure why. The person was in so much pain. It was palpable in how much pain and despair he was. At the same it seems like a temporary crisis in comparison with my problems. I think he will manage to deal with it eventually. He did not sound like a hopeless case at all. In contrast to me. The story was sort overwhelming and reminded me of some traumatic events in my lifetime. Though I think the worst is the following for me. I am pretty sure I am going to kill myself. I try to avoid it or to postpone it as long as possible. But it seems unlikely that I can wait till my parents have died. My mom had a stroke and my dad is not that healthy either. It was his uncle and the children who died. In my case people close to me will have to suffer. At the same time this dude said he could have lived with it way way better if his uncle only had killed himself and let the children live. I certainly only kill myself alone. There is no need to hurt anyone else. It was frightening to experience the consequences of such drastic actions in front of myself. His pain was extreme.
However, I think most people don't care about extreme suffering. Most people are pretty cynical about it. Probably most of us are cynical sometimes. Otherwise we could not cope with all the violence we see on the news etc. It is also a defense mechanism but we have to be aware of that. Also as members of suicide forums we should not become cyncial just becuase there are so many of us in extreme pain. If we hear extreme brutal stories frequently we also can become numb to it. At the same time we should not be coldhearted in our interaction and remind us that everyone on here is an individual with a backstory.
There is an anecdote I have to think of. In Germany when you google suicide encouragement there comes a scienctifical report about suicide encouragement. Or at least when I searched for it a couple years ago. There is an example to demonstrate the definition. Seemingly a person stood at a bridge for quite some time. A big traffic jam was caused. At this time clock many people wanted to return from work to their homes. It passed some time and the person barely moved the police tried to convince him not be jump and stuff like that. Then someone shouted from their car "Finally jump you coward!". The person was seemingly annoyed not being able to return to their home. Well as response the person jumped and died. The person who shouted that was sentenced to prison time for several years. In my opinion he or she deserved it. But it shows us that our actions and words can matter. What matters more your personal inconviences or someone else's life? But there is this great DFW speech "This is water." It is easy to judge the person who shouted that. But can we be certain whether it was an evil person. Maybe that person had a mental breakdown, one of their loved one's were in danger and she or he shouted in an impusle not expecting anything to happen. I still think a prison sentence is the right thing. But we don't know the context of this action. It is easy to judge.
I am not sure how much that burdened me. After our session I asked someone in this group whether it burdened him. And he told me no the opposite happened it actually distracted him from his problems. And his issues were that the right wing populist party got the second best result in the elections of the European parliament in our country. Like bruh. I wish I had these problems. He said he barely could sleep because of that. After I opened up about my severe suicidality I asked someone's honest opinion whether my suicidality burdened him and he said not really. And I am pretty sure it was the truth. Actually I like that this group allows talks on such topics. In our clinic suicidiality was a red flag. I am not sure how much it affected the only woman in our group. I am slightly interested in her. Honestly, I have the feeling she is quite compassionate and struggles listening to such stories. But we are one of her few social interactions. I begin to be interested into her. But that's overthinking. I barely know her she barely talks about herself. I am not sure how she was doing after this talk.
Actually I am really unsure how it affected me. The explicit descriptions of violent actions to commit suicide reminded me of my rock bottom. The desire to punish yourself combined with nightmares. It sort of distracted me. The session on relationships certainly burdened me way way more. I almost died that session. I would not say it improved my mood as the other guy. I think it rather made me feel worse. I am not sure why. The person was in so much pain. It was palpable in how much pain and despair he was. At the same it seems like a temporary crisis in comparison with my problems. I think he will manage to deal with it eventually. He did not sound like a hopeless case at all. In contrast to me. The story was sort overwhelming and reminded me of some traumatic events in my lifetime. Though I think the worst is the following for me. I am pretty sure I am going to kill myself. I try to avoid it or to postpone it as long as possible. But it seems unlikely that I can wait till my parents have died. My mom had a stroke and my dad is not that healthy either. It was his uncle and the children who died. In my case people close to me will have to suffer. At the same time this dude said he could have lived with it way way better if his uncle only had killed himself and let the children live. I certainly only kill myself alone. There is no need to hurt anyone else. It was frightening to experience the consequences of such drastic actions in front of myself. His pain was extreme.
However, I think most people don't care about extreme suffering. Most people are pretty cynical about it. Probably most of us are cynical sometimes. Otherwise we could not cope with all the violence we see on the news etc. It is also a defense mechanism but we have to be aware of that. Also as members of suicide forums we should not become cyncial just becuase there are so many of us in extreme pain. If we hear extreme brutal stories frequently we also can become numb to it. At the same time we should not be coldhearted in our interaction and remind us that everyone on here is an individual with a backstory.
There is an anecdote I have to think of. In Germany when you google suicide encouragement there comes a scienctifical report about suicide encouragement. Or at least when I searched for it a couple years ago. There is an example to demonstrate the definition. Seemingly a person stood at a bridge for quite some time. A big traffic jam was caused. At this time clock many people wanted to return from work to their homes. It passed some time and the person barely moved the police tried to convince him not be jump and stuff like that. Then someone shouted from their car "Finally jump you coward!". The person was seemingly annoyed not being able to return to their home. Well as response the person jumped and died. The person who shouted that was sentenced to prison time for several years. In my opinion he or she deserved it. But it shows us that our actions and words can matter. What matters more your personal inconviences or someone else's life? But there is this great DFW speech "This is water." It is easy to judge the person who shouted that. But can we be certain whether it was an evil person. Maybe that person had a mental breakdown, one of their loved one's were in danger and she or he shouted in an impusle not expecting anything to happen. I still think a prison sentence is the right thing. But we don't know the context of this action. It is easy to judge.
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