How much did your parents contribute to your suicide ideation or suffering in general?

[lionetta12]

Hello everyone.

As some of you know, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Looking back to my childhood makes clear to me what caused this condition to appear in the first place. I think the neglect and abuse I endured very early in my childhood is the reason why I'm suffering with this condition to this day. And I can't really say I'll ever be able to forgive my parents for the terrible parenting I received. And I think if I had different parents, I would have been able to grow up more functional and healthier. I carried most of my conditions such as my depression or anxiety into adulthood and I'm dealing with them to this day.

I was bullied for years in my school, it's what made me consider suicide in the first place when I was a teenager. It was so bad that I wanted to end my life and I've been suicidal my entire life since that happened. My parents knew I wasn't doing so well but they didn't give a fuck. My parents never really did anything to ease my pain either, my entire relationship with them was depraved of love and affection and they simply didn't care. It was all just about the grades but without parental love and care, I was simply unable to deliver when I was also bullied every single day in my life.

I was dysfunctional. I barely slept, most of the time it was only 4 hours per night. How could any child deliver a good performance with such conditions? My life was an utter mess and I just wanted to escape this. It's why I considered suicide so early in my life because there was no way out and it only became worse over the years.
The bullying in school also made me repress my trans identity and that's another problem. I wanted to express myself in a more feminine way but I couldn't because it would only increase the bullying so I essentially repressed these thoughts and feelings until I was an adult. I started my transition in my early 20s. But so much pain and trauma could have been prevented if my parents were more considerate, if I actually received some care and love and if I was able to transition earlier.

When I told my mom that I'm depressed, she laughed at me. She didn't take me serious, maybe you understand why I wanted to take my life. I skipped school very often, just to avoid the bullying. And my stepfather was an aggressive asshole who couldn't control his impulses, it was super scary. It's apathethic parents like these who fuck their children up. So yeah, I moved out as quickly and as far away as possible when I had the financial means to do so. But they're the reason why I'm an anti-natalist today. I am strongly convinced that some parents shouldn't have children.

I'm curious to hear if there are others in this forum who experienced bad parenting as well and how it contributed to their struggle? I started a poll just out of curiousity. Might be interesting to know if I'm the exception or the norm. But I've to talked to so many suicidal people who had similiar experiences with neglect and abuse during their childhood.

My parents are the core reason for why I became suicidal as a child and why I stayed suicidal ever since, but other people have made my suicidal wishes a lot worse and contibute to that actively today.

 

[Anon1337]

If my parents understood my problems I might not be in this situation.

 

[Monkeyman]

I'd say a lot. My parents were always terrible and dismissive. I also got bullied a lot as a child in school and then at home by my parents. My mother would scream absurd obscenities and insults at me for the slightest perceived inconvenience, my father was always dismissive and uncaring. I was taught to fear them with the way they repeatedly insulted me, got in the way of my studies (and even work later in life) and physically assaulted me.

When I was in school, they'd frame it as if they were just "teaching me" to "be a real person" - by beating me, screaming insults at me, interrupting me when I was busy with actual school work. This was all punishment for "bad grades", but in reality they did it when I wasn't absolutely perfect even if I got a good grade - I was actually considered very good by teachers. When I was 12, I had to go to school with a black eye and cuts all over my face because my mother physically assaulted me over not doing a specific assignment for a class (I felt overloaded with a bunch of assignments from different subjects). When I was 16, my father tried to strangle me over a grade in a test he didn't deem perfect enough, even though I had actually passed. When I told him he had no reason to try to murder me, he said I was being arrogant. These are just a few examples. After I got done with school, they just dropped any pretense and went on being horrible for their own enjoyment.

They're terrible people in general, honestly. They were pretty abusive to each other already - my mother was always screaming 24/7 and trying to find reasons to get into arguments, and my father was always a dismissive asshole to anyone. He installed spyware in our computers one time when I was around 11 or 12 because he suspected my mother was cheating (even though he also was). This made me develop paranoia over it that I still have to this day even though I know I'm safe from him now (or at least I hope so). When they finally divorced, I thought it could (and should) have happened sooner.

I still live with my mother, and wish I could move out already (I still need a stable job and money). Or maybe I'll CTB before that. I've talked already in this forum about the indignities she puts me through. All in all, they very much did contribute a lot to my depression and in consequence my desire to commit suicide. They're not the whole reason I feel terrible as I do today, but it's undeniable how big an impact my traumatic upbringing had.

 

[SamTam33]

Whether we realize it or not; admit it or not; whether they were good parents or not - mothers and fathers are the primary reason we are the way that we are.

There's no way around that fact.

 

[Rainy_days]

I realise how very lucky this makes me, but this is one area of my life where I was very lucky. My parents, especially my mother, have always had my back 100%, and continue to do so even now.

I feel so badly for those of you who have had the opposite. I read all of your stories and I'm confident in saying that you all deserved so much better.

Same.

 

[Sasel]

Nope I dont blame others for my misery, Im better than that

 

[LastFlowers]

My first suicide thoughts started when my mother was abusing me psychologically (e.g. giving me silent treatment for 2 weeks) after I got grades that didn't matched her overblown expectation. Also she hated my father, she was constantly getting me and my brother involved in drama between them, teaching us hatred instead of love. My father was mostly absent (contractor on ships), when he was home he didn't care about us, and he was drinking and starting fights with my mother. There were always dread that he would leave us and we would end up on the streets (or at least my mother wanted me to believe in this story to "motivate" me for learning).
Both of them didn't want to see that I am having problems, that I am alienated, that I am not developing relationship with my peers. All my mother cared about was grades, and my father didn't care at all.
So yeah I blame mostly them that now I am having crippling anxiety, social phobia and episodes of suicidal depression. They took away from me life I could have.

Have you read up on the damages of the silent treatment?
For something that seems so benign, the consequences are brutal.

It's such an immature way for a parent to regain control over their child, censor them and avoid acknowledging what their kid is struggling with. And it "works". Especially on vulnerable children who are dependent or who have no means to gain proper independence.

A favorite tactic of my own mother, but both my parents love to shut down conversations that they don't want to have, especially if it calls into question their own contributions to my suffering, or anything under the sun that could be rightfully blamed on them.
Anything at all that makes them even remotely uncomfortable.
If I try to push past the silence in order for a discussion to be had or continue, no matter how calm and collected I force myself to be at times, I end up with my parents' absolutely bizarre or berserk reactions to topics that actually hurt me far more than they could ever hurt them.
They react as if I'm actively bludgeoning them by talking about what's killing me.
Using what I am a victim to, to victimize themselves.
They turn empathy or sympathy they should have for me, inward..to shield their own ego.
It's fucked and frustrating beyond belief.
It drives me to insanity.

My father charged me recently while holding a giant wooden handle from a broken chair, with a nail sticking out of it.
Put it within a cm of my face before I pushed him the hell away from me and he just kept coming, you could tell he so badly wanted to ram it into my skull.
(Many giant holes are sprinkled throughout the walls and doors of the family home.)
Came flying at me across the kitchen, when all I was doing was crying and talking about what had made me suffer..also telling him to stop lying about my life and to quit sabotaging me behind my back.
(He is a despicable hyprocrite of a person, lies to a pathological degree. All he cared about was school too-and money, so cheap-…superficial accolades so that he wouldn't be embarrassed of me or feel inferior when other parents talked about their kids. Does not care about my peace of mind, what I am without, the disparity between myself and others..my reasons for suffering, etc. I loathe him. As many issues as I have with my mother, there is a reason why she left him..unfortunately also me.)

Nope I dont blame others for my misery, Im better than that

What does that even mean?

A lot of misery in this word is the fault of other people.
"Hell is other people", as the saying goes.

Parents especially, tend to automatically put themselves in a category that is the furthest thing from exempt or faultless.

If my parents understood my problems I might not be in this situation.

Big piece of the puzzle.

 

[Utada]

My dad's transphobia is most of what maked me suicidal

 

[LastFlowers]

Even crying alone in my room was offensive to them

Same with me..the amount of times I had my father threaten to call the police or send me away because I was crying in my room..too many to count.

It is especially ironic because this is a man who physically destroys everything around him, screams absurdities like a homicidal maniac loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear (has also started multiple arguments out in the open), has adult temper tantrums to the point of bloodying his own head, and threatens the lives of others daily, among other things.
My mother thinks he has 'CTE' but his outbursts, "forgetfulness" and manipulations are FAR too convenient to fall under that, certainly not alone.

 

[eternapeace]

Hello everyone.

As some of you know, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Looking back to my childhood makes clear to me what caused this condition to appear in the first place. I think the neglect and abuse I endured very early in my childhood is the reason why I'm suffering with this condition to this day. And I can't really say I'll ever be able to forgive my parents for the terrible parenting I received. And I think if I had different parents, I would have been able to grow up more functional and healthier. I carried most of my conditions such as my depression or anxiety into adulthood and I'm dealing with them to this day.

I was bullied for years in my school, it's what made me consider suicide in the first place when I was a teenager. It was so bad that I wanted to end my life and I've been suicidal my entire life since that happened. My parents knew I wasn't doing so well but they didn't give a fuck. My parents never really did anything to ease my pain either, my entire relationship with them was depraved of love and affection and they simply didn't care. It was all just about the grades but without parental love and care, I was simply unable to deliver when I was also bullied every single day in my life.

I was dysfunctional. I barely slept, most of the time it was only 4 hours per night. How could any child deliver a good performance with such conditions? My life was an utter mess and I just wanted to escape this. It's why I considered suicide so early in my life because there was no way out and it only became worse over the years.
The bullying in school also made me repress my trans identity and that's another problem. I wanted to express myself in a more feminine way but I couldn't because it would only increase the bullying so I essentially repressed these thoughts and feelings until I was an adult. I started my transition in my early 20s. But so much pain and trauma could have been prevented if my parents were more considerate, if I actually received some care and love and if I was able to transition earlier.

When I told my mom that I'm depressed, she laughed at me. She didn't take me serious, maybe you understand why I wanted to take my life. I skipped school very often, just to avoid the bullying. And my stepfather was an aggressive asshole who couldn't control his impulses, it was super scary. It's apathethic parents like these who fuck their children up. So yeah, I moved out as quickly and as far away as possible when I had the financial means to do so. But they're the reason why I'm an anti-natalist today. I am strongly convinced that some parents shouldn't have children.

I'm curious to hear if there are others in this forum who experienced bad parenting as well and how it contributed to their struggle? I started a poll just out of curiousity. Might be interesting to know if I'm the exception or the norm. But I've to talked to so many suicidal people who had similiar experiences with neglect and abuse during their childhood.

I would hazard to guess you were the exception/minority rather than the norm. Most parents give what they have to their children and try to keep them happy. With that said, I don't think unloving or abusive parents are uncommon at all and it bothers me greatly that they exist and are allowed to reproduce. I lean anti-natalist myself nowadays. 8 billion people, including tons of unhappy/neglected children already. Why create more?

In my case, I'm confident my parents contributed zero to my suicidal ideation. Had a happy childhood/loving parents. Got beat with the belt, but only for disciplinary reasons/not out of malicious intent, which I see the value of. I didn't have incredible pressure to succeed from my parents either in the sense that they would be ashamed of me if I didn't get into some top school and super high-end career (albeit it was expected that I would at least be above-average successful...which ended up not being the case).

 

[xenoz]

Not only did they contribute, I'm convinced they're at least 70% of the reason I am the way I am now to begin wish. Besides having an abusive, alcoholic cokehead mother, my dad is very clearly somewhat depressed himself, and was one of those types of parents to teach me from a young age that life is terrible and never goes how you want it to. I remember one of my father's catchphrases that he'd say all the time to me was "life sucks, and then you die", which my brain then overthought on and expanded into "well if life sucks and then you die, why not cut out the middle man and die immediately? Save yourself the time and trouble?"

I was a kid that grew up surrounded by miserable people, and now they are surprised that I turned out miserable as well. I've cried to my father about my depression and multiple failed CTB attempts multiple times, and in the moment he always seems to understand ever so slightly, until the next day where it's back to treating me like shit because I have no aspirations, and that makes me worth less than dirt to him. It's why I'm convinced if I was finally gone, he really would say good riddance, because he knows I'm suicidal, and actively doesn't care. I'm positive he thinks he's just calling my bluff and would never actually do it, and well, little does he know.

 

[Hirokami]

Yes, let's call an 8-year-old stupid for not knowing the meaning of the word "attorney". Let's also shame and/or shout at our child for crying for reasons we don't consider "valid" as he needs to be "strong". There are other things I can list but I think it can all be reduced to two things: being made to feel like I'm not doing enough and showcasing negative emotions is bad unless someone either has a severe illness or dies.

Didn't help that I had to beg my parents for me to go to therapy, as an 18-year-old (but with no job at the time), as they thought I didn't need it. Even if I could've paid for it, though, I still would've been shamed for going to it in the first place. At first, my mom even laughed at me for going and only wanted me to share "appropriate" things.

I feel a lot of that did contribute to my mental health, but I wish that was the only thing I had to deal with. I sought validation from others and was scorned.
Whatever suicidal thoughts I had back then were fleeting compared to now.

 

[Heartaches]

I didn't suffer from abuse by my parents or my family, I didn't grow in an unstable household. In fact, I grew spoiled with toys. That being said, I do think I suffered neglect from my parents. They were emotionally unavailable and have treated me badly over the years.

I'm in better terms with my mom now, we have better communication overall, but I still have to repress a lot about myself as I don't wanna see her reactions or explain something to her a thousand times. She supports my wish to be independent and is trying to teach me stuff, hoping I can move out in the future (don't think it will be soon tho). My father is a whole can of worms and I don't think I can do much about it. He supports me financially and sometimes asks me how I am via message (he doesn't live with us), but has his good chunk of problems he refuses to recognize cause he's stubborn and thinks his view of the world is the only correct one.

My biggest problem right now is the rest of my family (apart from my grandma and 1 or 2 family members). They're insufferable, judgemental, conformist and can't recognize or improve their own faults. I was miserable living in the same house as them, but luckily I've managed to get out of that situation for a while.​

 

[leeloosnow]

i hate to see so many of us got such an unfair start. makes me wonder how different it might've been had my parents actually loved me rather than loving the idea of what they think i should be. i unconsciously seek out relationships where i am treated similarly. always the eccentric, never appreciated, always the scapegoat. i'll never forget one of my first memories where, i had horrible allergies as a kid, especially on summer nights. as often i would lay there and cry, watching the hallway light as if it were some star to wish upon. but on that night, my mother came upstairs and brought me down and tried to shove medicine down my throat, to which i cried harder. she says, "stop being such a little bitch", myself not yet knowing that word, asked her 'mom what's a bitch' and she replied 'a bitch is someone that nobody likes'. that's the gist of how i was treated my whole life. maybe that's y i always liked seniors, they tell me stories and feed me cookies and are always happy to see me, even still.

 

[mint]

you could make a strong argument that my parents are the reason i struggle with bpd and suicidal tendencies, but there were a lot of factors that contributed to it. i must have known from an early age, too. i was 11 the first time i tried to take my own life. the world is not kind. even less kind to the people who need help.

to everyone here who had shitty parents, you're not alone.

 

[S like suicide]

My family, my father, my mother and my brother are the main cause of all the difficulties and problems I have had in my life.
with all honesty I must admit that I feel a deep hatred towards them, I often hoped that they would die when I was a child and then I punished myself because I thought those things as a child but then I understood the root of those extreme feelings, because they are shitty people and very toxic.
I hate them deeply with all my heart and when I finally manage to commit suicide I hope to pay for their misery with my blood and my life because I wish them many bad things, that they pay for every suffering they have caused me. I hate them so much, I have never considered them my family nor do I feel at home with them.
May a bad cloud alway stay upon them until their last day.
I am sorry but I hate them so deeply so deeply for all the deep wounds they caused and they also did it intentionally.

My parents knew I wasn't doing so well but they didn't give a fuck.

Same

My parents never really did anything to ease my pain either, my entire relationship with them was depraved of love and affection and they simply didn't care. It was all just about the grades but without parental love and care

Same here,they actually enjoy being mean on purpose

When I told my mom that I'm depressed, she laughed at me. She didn't take me serious,

When I attempted suicide the first time my brother just pretended nothing happened,my father laughed at me and my mother told me to not give her problems with police and hospital...that is the level of sickness of my shitty and toxic family.

 

[Meditation guide]

My childhood was one of having to remain silent at all times, no one was allowed to have a conversation, and live in darkness with the windows so that no light could enter the house. I'm sure that affected me permanently. Crying myself to sleep at night, an unbearable environment.

 

[Unattainable666]

100% the bitch (the woman who had me) was a narcissist. She tormented me emotionally, physically and mentally for 17 years. She totally fucked up my life. I often wonder who and what I could have become had I been raised by someone who loved me. But it's too late now I'm much older and it's just too late. Makes me very sad

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

Absolutely.

I'm autistic, but I didn't find that out until I was 18 and only because a full psychological analysis was done on me when I was institutionalized. I had exhibited all the signs from a young age (meltdowns, hyperfixations, social issues, etc), all of which my parents had ignored. I struggled in school, which was written off as me being lazy and not putting in any effort. Even though I was struggling with undiagnosed autism and going through my parents divorcing (and the shit that would happen between their families), I was still supposed to excel in school and me having any difficulties was simply me not trying hard enough.

Both my parents instilled a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality with me, but this came especially from my mother. It didn't matter that I was damaged from having to change schools every couple years because of something in her life changing (be it a new job, new boyfriend, anything), I had to suck it up and deal. Even after finding out I was autistic, she would do the bare minimum acknowledgement of that, but then immediately chide me for needing any kind of accomodation. When I had a breakdown earlier this year from my job and asked her for help, she denied that it had anything to do with working or my disability and that I'm just depressed and once I'm medicated I'll be fine.

My dad used to be a lot harsher with me and would equally chide me for not doing what I'm "supposed to", but he's mellowed out over the years and has tried to make up for the damage he had a part in when I was growing up. My mom hasn't changed at all. The only difference is she's now in a happy(?) marriage with her new husband.

 

[passivethought121]

Yes, but in teachings. My father did very little social interaction when he wasn't required to. My mother used to (and still does) bicker on about how much she hates interacting with the human race, everyone's terrible and infuriating, and there's no use trusting or relying on anyone because they're gonna do something. While she says she doesn't feel this way about her kids, she will occasionally see us in the same way. Infuriating humans she truly wishes to suffocate and abandon.

Their views did not make me suicidal, but I did absorb their words in a way. I fantasize about social interaction but I also dont mind the reality that im going to be completely alone in life. I interact for mutual convenience like my father, and a part of me doesn't want to form bonds for the same reason my mother whines every day.