How much did your parents contribute to your suicide ideation or suffering in general?

[RainAndSadness]

Hello everyone.

As some of you know, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Looking back to my childhood makes clear to me what caused this condition to appear in the first place. I think the neglect and abuse I endured very early in my childhood is the reason why I'm suffering with this condition to this day. And I can't really say I'll ever be able to forgive my parents for the terrible parenting I received. And I think if I had different parents, I would have been able to grow up more functional and healthier. I carried most of my conditions such as my depression or anxiety into adulthood and I'm dealing with them to this day.

I was bullied for years in my school, it's what made me consider suicide in the first place when I was a teenager. It was so bad that I wanted to end my life and I've been suicidal my entire life since that happened. My parents knew I wasn't doing so well but they didn't give a fuck. My parents never really did anything to ease my pain either, my entire relationship with them was depraved of love and affection and they simply didn't care. It was all just about the grades but without parental love and care, I was simply unable to deliver when I was also bullied every single day in my life.

I was dysfunctional. I barely slept, most of the time it was only 4 hours per night. How could any child deliver a good performance with such conditions? My life was an utter mess and I just wanted to escape this. It's why I considered suicide so early in my life because there was no way out and it only became worse over the years.
The bullying in school also made me repress my trans identity and that's another problem. I wanted to express myself in a more feminine way but I couldn't because it would only increase the bullying so I essentially repressed these thoughts and feelings until I was an adult. I started my transition in my early 20s. But so much pain and trauma could have been prevented if my parents were more considerate, if I actually received some care and love and if I was able to transition earlier.

When I told my mom that I'm depressed, she laughed at me. She didn't take me serious, maybe you understand why I wanted to take my life. I skipped school very often, just to avoid the bullying. And my stepfather was an aggressive asshole who couldn't control his impulses, it was super scary. It's apathethic parents like these who fuck their children up. So yeah, I moved out as quickly and as far away as possible when I had the financial means to do so. But they're the reason why I'm an anti-natalist today. I am strongly convinced that some parents shouldn't have children.

I'm curious to hear if there are others in this forum who experienced bad parenting as well and how it contributed to their struggle? I started a poll just out of curiousity. Might be interesting to know if I'm the exception or the norm. But I've to talked to so many suicidal people who had similiar experiences with neglect and abuse during their childhood.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your childhood past and how your parents contributed towards your wanting to CTB. I too had shitty parents, mostly because they were not as understanding and they immigrated from another country in the US. I was born in the US and grew up in the US. I would say a good portion of suffering (at least childhood into early adulthood) was caused by my parents, both my mother and father. They weren't the neglectful type, but they did not understand my condition (I grew up in the 1990's), Aspergers, and other stuff, oftenly had behavioral problems, social issues, getting along with others, etc. I oftenly had been subject to corporal punishment (frequently as a child, and less in my adolescence years), and also constant reprimands and scolding. I lacked the emotional nurturing to make me closer to a functional person and more emotionally healthy individual.

My life with my peers were not much better, I too, was bullied, teased, isolated, rejected and secluded. I found solace among the other rejects, oftenly nerds and other secluded people myself. I got along ok with them and mainly spent company with them as they were the only people who shared a commonality with me; introversion, seclusion, and interest in video games.

While today my relationship with my parents tenuous at best, it was better than what I had when I was growing up; they generally don't helicopter over me like they used to when I was younger (they stopped doing so as much once I turned 18, and even less in my 20's, but still kept tabs on what I did). Nevertheless, the damage that was done was done, and while this isn't the sole reason (I have more than enough reasons alone, notwithstanding my parents) for CTB'ing, it certainly was one that contributed towards it. Today I live with the scars I have from emotional neglect, harsh and strict upbringing, and only seek to find relief through CTB (this isn't counting my personal reasons and other reasons, existential, environmental, and philosophical reasons for wanting to not partake in society anymore).

 

[Darkover]

you mean like pissing on our bed, hitting us with object where they cause life long scares, not taking us to the dentist, kicking us out the house at a early age like 12, giving us weed from 11 years old onwards, stamping on a babys leg and breaking it, or just picking us up wrong and causing damage to our arms, locking us in a room with a buket to piss and shit in , breaking our toys out of spite ,ive seen it all and that just a short list both my mom and sister should be in jail for thier crimes aginst humainty

 

[outrider567]

None--They were good parents

 

[jessisme]

Zero. My mental health is the main thing that brought about the circumstances that make it necessary for me to cross over. I have had the most loving, giving, generous, patient, kind and caring parents. For whatever has gone wrong, it's all on me.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Wouldnt be fair for me to say they did as they didnt choose what sex i was born as.. Though I wish was aborted when they found out I was going to be a boy.

 

[Gaga786]

Im really sorry that you had to endure all that. It hurts me so much seeing someone else suffer similarly to my experience because I never want anyone to go through that.

I often find myself ruminating about the reason why I developed clinical depression and suffer from low confidence. In hindsight, I was emotionally neglected by my parents; my father didn't provide any affection to me at all, and my mother would bang her head on walls, scream, tell me how her luck was egregious that she conceived such a nuisance like me etc.

I was bullied in school too, since my parents never helped me with any of my homework, through being teased and dubbed to be the 'failure' of the entire school.

I developed and had a speech impediment, low self esteem, low confidence, social anxiety due to those issues. I would often tell my parents about the bullying, but they wouldn't care– telling me that I should simply ignore and still be kind to those around me rather than teaching me to stand up for myself. . My feelings were never validated and that caused me to feel suicidal since 14.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes but to a lesser degree than you and some other poor people here. It's awful to hear your stories.

I'm certain I grew up with a Narcissistic step sibling. I realise blood is thicker than water- so it's fairly natural her mother sided with her. Part of it is also my fault because I didn't tell my parents all that was going on. Still- they weren't stupid. I think my Dad must have realised I didn't do half- if not any of the stuff this person was accusing me of. Plus, they were such a bully.

I love my Dad deeply but honestly, I think he just went along with everything because that made his life easier. It did make me realise I didn't really have people in my corner early on. I tend to get paranoid about things even now because of what happened back then. Plus, I was SO unhappy aged 10- that's when these feelings first emerged and never disappeared. So- in an indirect way- they did have something to do with it.

 

[FrozenMango]

Yes to a degree. I think I would be suicidal whether I had good parents or not. Life is not worth it

 

[western_heart]

Yes but I didn't see it that way until recently. It wasn't until my parents kicked me out last year that I truly accepted that I am fucked up due to childhood trauma. Until then I was actually trying to keep living so as to not hurt them. I am still uncovering all the ways they have affected me after decades of denial.

I have CPTSD / DID, wasn't diagnosed with PTSD until 2021 and couldn't process the trauma that caused the dissociation or talk about it openly until finally separating from them completely last summer.

When I think about my current life predicament (relatively high cost lifestyle & burnout keeping me from getting another job), I think about the ways my dad encouraged my spending. Telling me to get a car loan instead of saving for a cheaper used car, kicking me out so I had to move into an apartment when housing prices were at their peak and supply was at its lowest. He is not the only one who pushed me into making these choices (and they were MY choices), but the context makes me blame him more than anyone else in my life.

 

[Dead Ghost]

No. I've done it to myself because of my inability to adapt to unforeseen events or problems... it's exhausting to see how others overcome everyday obstacles or scares with an ease that I envy.

But my parents are not responsible for any of my ills, I was born that way.

//

No. M'ho he fet tot sol per la meva incapacitat per adaptar-me als imprevistos o problemes.. es esgotador veure com els altres sortegen els obstacles o ensurts del día a día amb una facilitat que envejo.

Però els meus pares no són responsables de cap dels meus mals, vaig néixer així.

 

[hiddenbpd]

From an outsider perspective it wouldn't seem like my parents were the cause. I always had everything I needed physically, like food, shelter, clothes, only mild physical abuse, but they lacked in nearly every other way.
Growing up, I never understood how my friends would tell their parents they love them, or receive that back.
They never read me stories, kissed me goodnight (or at all), no hugs, thrown to my room when I was upset or crying, I was given a reason to cry, never allowed to make mistakes, the list goes on.
I never got a connection with my parents. The first time I told someone I loved them, was my high school boyfriend.
My parents never told me that they were proud of me or were excited about my success, progress or interests. Still to this day, despite being superficially successful ( I say superficially because deep down I'm a mess), they don't care in the slightest.
Because of their treatment, I learned how to blame myself for any issues in relationships, I never learned how to love myself because there obviously was something wrong with me if my own parents couldn't even love me.
That said, yes I believe they caused my chronic unhappiness and suicidal ideation.
I think a bonus question to this one, would be do your parents know they caused it? Mine definitely don't.

 

[Venus13]

Yes, and I developed bpd as well. My mother was neglectful and my father remains the cruelest and most antagonizing person I've ever met. Absolute nightmare lifestyle for my entire youth. It was daily turmoil and I had to push myself to survive. By 12 he let me know my life was over and I should die now. It saddens me he was right. By 16 I had my first breakdown in life, absolutely exhausted by the conditions. My mother was a weak person who was also brutally abused by him. I never think of my childhood unless I'm trying to forgive myself for how bad my situation is as an adult.

Ironically, I know my father played into not only my tortured adult life and early death but also my fight to make something of my time. I always wanted to prove him wrong and show him my life mattered. It makes me sad, but I was definitely a genetic mistake from him.

I have a lot of hate for parents like ours. I get a little vicious about it at times, protective of kids being neglected or abused. I wish someone had looked out for me that way.

 

[flyaway]

My parents have always loved me and they have nothing to do with the fact that I'm suicidal. It's just my views about life and being unable to fit into society for various other reasons.

 

[Not_A_Seagull]

Hello everyone.

As some of you know, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Looking back to my childhood makes clear to me what caused this condition to appear in the first place. I think the neglect and abuse I endured very early in my childhood is the reason why I'm suffering with this condition to this day. And I can't really say I'll ever be able to forgive my parents for the terrible parenting I received. And I think if I had different parents, I would have been able to grow up more functional and healthier. I carried most of my conditions such as my depression or anxiety into adulthood and I'm dealing with them to this day.

I was bullied for years in my school, it's what made me consider suicide in the first place when I was a teenager. It was so bad that I wanted to end my life and I've been suicidal my entire life since that happened. My parents knew I wasn't doing so well but they didn't give a fuck. My parents never really did anything to ease my pain either, my entire relationship with them was depraved of love and affection and they simply didn't care. It was all just about the grades but without parental love and care, I was simply unable to deliver when I was also bullied every single day in my life.

I was dysfunctional. I barely slept, most of the time it was only 4 hours per night. How could any child deliver a good performance with such conditions? My life was an utter mess and I just wanted to escape this. It's why I considered suicide so early in my life because there was no way out and it only became worse over the years.
The bullying in school also made me repress my trans identity and that's another problem. I wanted to express myself in a more feminine way but I couldn't because it would only increase the bullying so I essentially repressed these thoughts and feelings until I was an adult. I started my transition in my early 20s. But so much pain and trauma could have been prevented if my parents were more considerate, if I actually received some care and love and if I was able to transition earlier.

When I told my mom that I'm depressed, she laughed at me. She didn't take me serious, maybe you understand why I wanted to take my life. I skipped school very often, just to avoid the bullying. And my stepfather was an aggressive asshole who couldn't control his impulses, it was super scary. It's apathethic parents like these who fuck their children up. So yeah, I moved out as quickly and as far away as possible when I had the financial means to do so. But they're the reason why I'm an anti-natalist today. I am strongly convinced that some parents shouldn't have children.

I'm curious to hear if there are others in this forum who experienced bad parenting as well and how it contributed to their struggle? I started a poll just out of curiousity. Might be interesting to know if I'm the exception or the norm. But I've to talked to so many suicidal people who had similiar experiences with neglect and abuse during their childhood.

my mom is the main reason im suicidal

 

[hellispink]

If my mother wouldn't have abandoned me and ignore me when I screamed for help that I was being bullied and harassed, maybe I wouldn't be dealing with so much pain. My whole life I have been mistreated and no one was there to help. I learned the hard way how to survive and now I have this bdp condition that makes me feel like a monster. They did so many things right but so many things wrong too that is a mixture of feelings everytime my heart thinks about them. This world is cruel regardless if they would have treated me better I guess, this world is a misery full of suffering individuals like me

 

[Unending]

I relate to quite a bit of this. I also went through bullying in school that I never recovered from that just added to the things that my parents "contributed," like borderline personality disorder for instance. It sucks knowing that you have a lifelong condition because of things that could've been avoided.

 

[conflagration]

My first suicide thoughts started when my mother was abusing me psychologically (e.g. giving me silent treatment for 2 weeks) after I got grades that didn't matched her overblown expectation. Also she hated my father, she was constantly getting me and my brother involved in drama between them, teaching us hatred instead of love. My father was mostly absent (contractor on ships), when he was home he didn't care about us, and he was drinking and starting fights with my mother. There were always dread that he would leave us and we would end up on the streets (or at least my mother wanted me to believe in this story to "motivate" me for learning).
Both of them didn't want to see that I am having problems, that I am alienated, that I am not developing relationship with my peers. All my mother cared about was grades, and my father didn't care at all.
So yeah I blame mostly them that now I am having crippling anxiety, social phobia and episodes of suicidal depression. They took away from me life I could have.

 

[Dominicka]

A lot.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I don't know how to vote. My parents (mostly my father) contributed to my suicidal ideation when I was younger and living with them, but then I moved out and that went away. Now I'm suicidal because of health issues and not being able to work.

 

[fuzzy-clown]

I would say they did contribute to my suicidal ideation. I was terrorized by my father as he punished me with physical abuse and threats. I also didn't have the support I needed while going through a difficult childhood. I was bullied and didn't fit in at school. My parents were also very strict about grades. I was so miserable that when I learned of the word suicide from the dictionary, I became obsessed with doing it. It's hard to write more as I don't trust my memory about my childhood.

I don't blame them though, as even I didn't know how to ask for the support I needed. They certainly didn't have the money to seek professional help for me. The corporal punishment might have been a cultural thing (although my father went overboard with it), and I'd say I was a difficult child. I vaguely remember them treating me better after I attempted suicide as a teenager.

Here are some songs where fathers love their daughters, maybe you'll like them:

Spoiler

 

[EternalOblivion]

Growing up, my parents maintained their control over me through isolation. I was, and am still, not allowed to formulate any lasting connections with anyone without their involvement. I suppose the worst aspect of this situation was the emotional abuse associated. Even crying alone in my room was offensive to them because, from their perspective, they have done absolutely nothing wrong regarding my so-called care. I am now nothing more than an embarrassment to them for not thriving in life. I wish theirs was the only contribution to my suicide ideation, but it is a significant part.

 

[Wannagonow]

Yes. My parents were minimally physically abusive. However, my mother was psychologically and emotionally abusive to me my entire life. She successfully convinced me I was stupid, unloved and would amount to nothing. She said these things every day. Loved slapping me in the face. I'm the oldest child and the only one to be treated this way. I was a good kid- never in trouble (I was too afraid of the consequences). This abuse directly impacted my confidence, ability to function normally and a deep, deep life- long depression resulting in a drive to leave this world at a young age. Being diagnosed bipolar in my 20's made everything a million times worse. I wasn't emotionally prepared to deal with the illness alone. I got no assistance or support of any kind from my parents. Me having major depression and being bipolar (30 years now) has always been a don't ask, don't tell deal in my family. I'm grateful I didn't endure the horrid physically abusive, bullied childhood others had. What a terrible way to grow up. Continuous, severe, emotional abuse scars for life as well. It all sucks.

 

[CTB Dream]

Very all type abuse psycho no support Noth stone age medieval. Long story book need

 

[asterisk3]

yes, severely
both irresponsible retards, but it's not like any of them give a shit
this world is a joke

 

[sincerelysad]

my parents are the reason i have bpd, which is a big reason i want to ctb. a bigger reason now is chronic pain, but even bigger than that is the fact that i really don't have any supportive family at all and they couldn't completely care less about me. so that's probably my biggest reason/cause to want to ctb at the moment. i hate blaming them but i'd be less partial to suicide if i felt like i could count on them to be parents to me. they'd let me die out in the street if it was happening.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I realise how very lucky this makes me, but this is one area of my life where I was very lucky. My parents, especially my mother, have always had my back 100%, and continue to do so even now.

I feel so badly for those of you who have had the opposite. I read all of your stories and I'm confident in saying that you all deserved so much better.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

Hello everyone.

As some of you know, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Looking back to my childhood makes clear to me what caused this condition to appear in the first place. I think the neglect and abuse I endured very early in my childhood is the reason why I'm suffering with this condition to this day. And I can't really say I'll ever be able to forgive my parents for the terrible parenting I received. And I think if I had different parents, I would have been able to grow up more functional and healthier. I carried most of my conditions such as my depression or anxiety into adulthood and I'm dealing with them to this day.

I was bullied for years in my school, it's what made me consider suicide in the first place when I was a teenager. It was so bad that I wanted to end my life and I've been suicidal my entire life since that happened. My parents knew I wasn't doing so well but they didn't give a fuck. My parents never really did anything to ease my pain either, my entire relationship with them was depraved of love and affection and they simply didn't care. It was all just about the grades but without parental love and care, I was simply unable to deliver when I was also bullied every single day in my life.

I was dysfunctional. I barely slept, most of the time it was only 4 hours per night. How could any child deliver a good performance with such conditions? My life was an utter mess and I just wanted to escape this. It's why I considered suicide so early in my life because there was no way out and it only became worse over the years.
The bullying in school also made me repress my trans identity and that's another problem. I wanted to express myself in a more feminine way but I couldn't because it would only increase the bullying so I essentially repressed these thoughts and feelings until I was an adult. I started my transition in my early 20s. But so much pain and trauma could have been prevented if my parents were more considerate, if I actually received some care and love and if I was able to transition earlier.

When I told my mom that I'm depressed, she laughed at me. She didn't take me serious, maybe you understand why I wanted to take my life. I skipped school very often, just to avoid the bullying. And my stepfather was an aggressive asshole who couldn't control his impulses, it was super scary. It's apathethic parents like these who fuck their children up. So yeah, I moved out as quickly and as far away as possible when I had the financial means to do so. But they're the reason why I'm an anti-natalist today. I am strongly convinced that some parents shouldn't have children.

I'm curious to hear if there are others in this forum who experienced bad parenting as well and how it contributed to their struggle? I started a poll just out of curiousity. Might be interesting to know if I'm the exception or the norm. But I've to talked to so many suicidal people who had similiar experiences with neglect and abuse during their childhood.

the developmental years (toddler, all the way up to adolescence and young adulthood) are the most important parts of a human beings' life. i was severely abused, mostly emotionally, by both of my parents, but mainly my father. yes, there are wildly successful people out there who experienced similar, but that is irrelevant. everyone is different, and each individual will experience varying degrees of emotional damage with resultant mental deficiencies/substance-abuse-related coping mechanisms. it's very complicated, and the medical field will be wrestling with this tiger for many, many more decades before they ever get within a whisker of 'solving' it

 

[bluem00n]

My parents were fucked up by
- their traumatised fathers fighting in World War I
- their own upbringing (high infant mortality, dead siblings)
- then by The Great Depression
- then once again for good measure, by Adolf Hitler
- as a result of all that, starting a family far later in life than is prudent
- then by ill-health caused by the cumulative effects of all that shit

Hardly surprising then, that their children are all fucked-up too ...

This Be the Verse by Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They might not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Superbly set to music by kiwi band Sneaky Feelings ...

 

[vultureilse]

my mother and pretty much everyone from my mothers side of family was fucked up in some way. my mother was neglectful and emotionally and verbally abusive. i was always so desperate for someone that would hug me, tell me they love me, hold me when i was sad or scared, make me feel cared for but i never received any love from her no matter how much ive tried. the only situations where she cared enough to do the bare minimum was when i was injured in a way that could kill me without medical care, she taught me that the only way to receive attention was through harming myself which made me develop a ton of self destructive habits

my dad was an amazing person but he lived in a different country and id only see him like twice a year. he died when i was 10, but i wonder, maybe i wouldnt be so fucked up now if i lived with him instead of my abusive family

i got bullied in school as well, it would just get more and more extreme with each day but my mother did nothing to help me. she had anger outbursts and would yell at me and call me a demanding piece of shit everytime i asked her for anything. i had no friends and my family didnt care about me so i had no one to rely on

i genuinely hate the person i grew up into because of my family