I feel like my situation is a bit funny. I'm 22, and I got drunk only once in my life and it was only slightly drunk when I was 16. I haven't been drinking ever since, I used to smoke when I was 16 but I quit when I turned 18. Now I don't smoke, I don't drink any alcohol at all, not even beer. And I've never done any drugs. But a lot of people, even here, say that stuff like drugs or alcohol help them with the depression and suicidal thoughts so frankly, I want to try to make myself feel a bit easier. But if I'm honest I'm scared. In a mental and emotional and even physical situation that I'm in, I'm afraid that if I'll try drinking alcohol or drugs I'll get crazy addicted because of the relief they might make me feel, and then I won't ever be able to stop. And since I want to die it doesn't really matter if I stop since I'll be dead anyway but what scares me about it is that I won't be able to stop because I won't know how to face my feeling anymore, face them and feel them. I'm not doing a great job of facing my feelings right now but I think it's gonna get even worse if I'll find some relief, even it's temporary I might just be able to keep trying to get that temporary relief again and again. And I want to be able to face my feelings. Because they are who I am, and I want to stay myself, and stay real!