I didn't always. I loved but lived for others. Never really got myself. I got married 13 years ago. Had kids. Lived for them. And would have died for them. Had a business. A house. Vehicles. And all I ever wanted was to be with my kids and to provide for them. Till the toxicity of my wife got to the point of no return. I shut down and reclused myself to a room separate from her for over two years merely cohabitating for the sake of the kids. I spent time with them a lot. They were all I was living for anymore. Then I got hurt at work a year ago. Required a full reconstructive surgery of my wrist and could no longer work. She waited until every dime in savings was spent to go work and help financially. We were still civil although basically separated in the home. Two days ago I was blindsided while I was watching a movie. She had her sister call in a well check because she alleged we argued and that I own guns. Next thing I know there's police at my house with ar 15s pointed at my head telling me that they got a report and needed to make sure that I wasn't armed so she could get her things. I'm sitting here in shock like WTF we we just laughing and joking playing with the kids not 20 mins ago. We are fine . What argument? I've been in my room watching a movie since. What is going on?
If she wanted to go no one was keeping her. Yet she almost got me shot in front of my kids to ensure a report, and a pfa to remove my ability to see them, and did so under false pretence since my state always sides with a woman regardless of lack of evidence or wrongdoing on the part of the male. Now the only thing I was living for is gone. I've been through my SS report and found that once my disability is approved I'll only get 914.00 per month. Yet the same report shows that my surviving spouse and children would each receive 1030/ month if I passed away.
Yes the government literally told me that I am worth more to my family if I am dead. I haven't been able to consume anything in the past few days due to the stress of losing my kids. My body is like literally rejecting any attempt at nourishment. I have no will to live and wonder if I should just lay here and waste away. SS won't pay out death benefits to a suicide victims survivors but if I physically can't nourish myself and I die from that; it's not suicide and then at least I have provided SOMETHING to them even in death since she filed a no contact motion and I can't be with them anymore. Is it ok for me to think of this last thing that I can do for them? Can I just accept the bodily rejection of nourishment and just lay here and die? I did say I would die for them. I have no other value nor the will to go on without them. She didn't even let me say goodbye. And so I see life now as pointless.
If she wanted to go no one was keeping her. Yet she almost got me shot in front of my kids to ensure a report, and a pfa to remove my ability to see them, and did so under false pretence since my state always sides with a woman regardless of lack of evidence or wrongdoing on the part of the male. Now the only thing I was living for is gone. I've been through my SS report and found that once my disability is approved I'll only get 914.00 per month. Yet the same report shows that my surviving spouse and children would each receive 1030/ month if I passed away.
Yes the government literally told me that I am worth more to my family if I am dead. I haven't been able to consume anything in the past few days due to the stress of losing my kids. My body is like literally rejecting any attempt at nourishment. I have no will to live and wonder if I should just lay here and waste away. SS won't pay out death benefits to a suicide victims survivors but if I physically can't nourish myself and I die from that; it's not suicide and then at least I have provided SOMETHING to them even in death since she filed a no contact motion and I can't be with them anymore. Is it ok for me to think of this last thing that I can do for them? Can I just accept the bodily rejection of nourishment and just lay here and die? I did say I would die for them. I have no other value nor the will to go on without them. She didn't even let me say goodbye. And so I see life now as pointless.
