How many of you blame your parents for your problems/how you turned out?

[LifeIsAChore11]

I'm curious as to how our parents/upbringing fit into our problems

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course it is all their fault as they are the reason why I exist in the first place. I wish I was never born. Apart from that, they are not responsible for my problems really, I generally have a good relationship with them. Many of the negative things that have happened to me have been out of my control and couldn't have been prevented, they were due to bad luck.

 

[rosie93]

50/50

 

[deadverysoon]

i would put another button with

*50/50 parents/other people/workplace
*100 other people/workplace
*50/50 other people/own fault

or a ranking bar from 0 to 10

ranking bars with:
*friends
*other family members or other people
*parents
*workplace
*school
*own fault
*text for own reason

and a total amount of 10 points which can be spread at each of these ranking bars

so the result would maybe be more clear :)

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I only blame them for giving birth to me. Everything else - solely my fault.

 

[noname223]

I was physically and mentallty abused by my mom for over a decade. Moreover I have horrible genetics. I am proud to say it is not my fault at all that my life is so fucking bullshit.

 

[gayscal3xo]

I heavily believe my biological parents have a hand in my lifes issues, considering if they didn't do half of what they did, a decent portion of my life would have been so much better, and even my biological mother has agreed that if she made better choices, I would have lived a better life.

 

[megafire]

in the sense that i was emotionally neglected by my father, save for his anger, and never taught "proper" social skills, yea, sometimes I get resentful. But they did the best they could with the tools they had, especially as older immigrants. American adolescence, hell American society period, has a lot of nuances that they didn't even know about, much less know how to navigate.
That and there was enough going on that they didn't have the time to teach me. It didn't help that I was a nightmare to deal with, and I never opened up to them about the bullying I faced at school. but still sometimes I start to blame them- especially my father for his social anxiety. I firmly believe if my mother had me with another man, I would be significantly different.
Regardless, we have been working on our relationship with one another (especially with my dad). They've made a lot of effort to learn about mental illness, and I'm proud of how far they've come. My issues, at this point, are my own to deal with.

 

[Mr2005]

Mines a strange one. I had a really good childhood but an awful adulthood. At a time I should have been growing up I was still heavily reliant on them and they let me down. I don't know who's fault that is. I still expected them to do everything for me because they always had

 

[user_name_here]

I don't blame my parents at all.

 

[arie]

I have had a bad childhood but I don't blame my parents. I'm sure I would still have these thoughts if I had different (better) parents. There is nobody to blame, if there were it'd be myself.

 

[LifeIsAChore11]

I'm not exactly running a Gallup poll here lol, but out of personal curiosity I wanted to see where a small sample of people here stand.

As for me, I was always conflicted on this. But as I see some people from different cultures do things against their own happiness, like go into an arranged marriage even when they live in the US and don't have to, I believe that we are a result of our parents largely. Even when living in the west, these people will share the same exact beliefs as their parents as illogical and backwards as they are. I think if our parents are shitty and/or raised us in a bad way, it is pretty much all their fault. If my parents didn't pull half the shit they pulled, I might be a lawyer or something right now for all I know. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ oh well i guess!

 

[demuic]

None of the above.

Parents play a huge role in the outcome of your life, from genetics to how they choose (or don't choose) to nurture you from birth to adolescence. The other part that plays a large influence is society and other people outside of your parents. Your formative years create the person who you are forever and if things go wrong it can be extremely difficult or impossible to correct or heal from any maladaptions or trauma. Either way, as you are a child as you are going through this with no ability to control anything around you there's no way any problems that occur in development could be considered as "your own" fault. No one is responsible for their own development.

Even with "good" parents who tried their best, they could still fuck you up through the genetics they passed down onto you, or through some mistake they made without any malicious intentions which affects you forever.

I think people experience Stockholm syndrome with their parents. They may have good feelings because they didn't completely abusively torture them, or provided them with basic neccessities even though to do otherwise would be abusive, and think they owe gratitude due to that, even though no one asked to be born.

That's not to say any of this is the same as hating your parents, or that it means you don't love them if they were decent and tried their best. Resentment and wishing things could have been different is another thing.

Human existence is just one chain of fucked up people fucking each other up eternally. Your parents were fucked up by their parents and so on and so on. Just because the "fault" belongs to them doesn't mean they had malicious intentions, but it also doesn't mean that you are disbarred from experiencing the human emotion of anger and resentment at their actions. Though they may not have been able to act any differently, the ultimate result is suffering.

The only way to escape this is to break the cycle.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Disgusting breeders, my hatred is limitless. Until I can get myself to meditate more, that is; I had a good streak for a while and now samsara is whooping my ass again.

 

[one.way.out]

Technically all of my problems are their fault, considering they chose to have me. However, many of my problems are also partly my fault.

 

[watereyes]

Nah mate my dad is the best.. I'm just the worst daughter nya

 

[heretogethelp]

I JUST WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

 

[insanedoomer]

well , people bring new bornes to a pain like this so yes .

 

[Efilismislife]

1. If we dont get to be born in this cruel world we dont need to suffer
2. The only reason people bring a child is to fulfil their needs not for the child needs.
3. Every child being born sentence to die, deteriorating.
4. Im abused, neglected and ruined by my parents, they destroyed my life, dreams, physically, mentally. i suffer my whole life.

 

[PinkSakura]

Definitely my parents fault, if they weren't abusive I wouldn't have once gone homeless just to escape broken household. Many bad experiences in my life could have been avoided if I just had decent parents. Also the PTSD from the abuse still affects me to this day

 

[NoSurprises]

They aren't guilty at all, they were crap parents but I decided to use drugs, I decided to stop going to school, I decided to be depressed and I decided to keep feeling bad about things that i can't control

 

[ClownMe]

It's the old Nature vs Nurture debate. My narcassistic parents and bad family life have impacted my life greatly and still do, however I feel there is also a chemical imbalance in my brain, it's simply not normal for me to feel as hopeless as I feel. It's 50/50 in my opinion.

 

[NasiGoreng]

Its all my parents fault. If my mother didnt ruin my life and try to kill me when I was a child I probably wouldnt have C-PTSD, anxiety and depression and be terrified of other human beings.

 

[doesntevenmatter]

They didn't help matters, that's for sure lol. Wouldn't put all the blame on them, though.

 

[HappyForever?]

Aside from the genes they did quite well. If I had good genes I would be a normie.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Technically entirely their fault, since I wouldn't exist to be in this pain if they hadn't spawned me.

Also majorly their fault for raising me in a fucking drug house. They produced/sold drugs for most of my childhood.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

My parents did the best they could with what they knew.

Personally I have a great home life and my depression did not start in my household. I blame the teachers and other adults who were supposed to be looking out for me while my parents were working hard to provide for my basic needs.

Teachers saw students bully me and did nothing. They saw me act in strange ways and express feelings of loneliness and hopelessness directly to them, to my friends, or in my assignments, and said nothing.

The worst part of being mentally ill is how other people treat you for your problems. I was always able to come home and forget it all. My parents made mistakes and they aren't perfect in the slightest, but they aren't the reason I am on SS.

 

[Cheza_mus]

I blame them for giving birth to me

 

[Sra_TZ]

It's their fault for giving birth to me, but I'm the one who messed up my own life. Yes, I was abused as a kid and whatnot, but most of my problems today stem from my own past actions.

 

[Phosphophyllite]

My parents didn't cause all of my problems, but they contributed to my suffering. It's also not entirely my fault that things ended up this way; most of my problems were caused by bad luck or other people.