Discussion How many of you are here due to incurable health issues?

[Sadism]

Curious how many people are here due to actually having their life stolen from them and how many "choose" to feel like shit.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I doubt people really choose to feel like shit. I have incurable skin disease that ruined my life since I was a teenager. At 36 and it still getting worse and spreading to the rest of my body. If i didnt have it my life would have been so much different and i most likely wouldnt want to ctb

 

[ChaseBees]

Well, I have Tourette's. That's incurable and has caused me way more distress than you would probably think. It became way worse after being in a mental hospital, so that's what my brain thinks of. I know it seems like an easy chronic illness but it's honestly one of the big reasons I'm leaving.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I've had pain and nerve damage in my ankles and hips since I was 12yo. I have chronic migraines. No cure for either. Treatments which work a little, but not always. I'm in pain every day of my life and have been for the last 20 years.

 

[Stopthepain]

Severe neurobiogical illness.. the only reason i leave. I dont get extra points for living in agony and disabled.

 

[ChaseBees]

I've already responded but, no one "chooses" to be unhappy or feel like shit. Ever. We are all struggling and that's why we are here. I believe the question you meant to ask was "do your reasons for ctb relate to any incurable illness?" People who are disable may want to change because they are disabled, but not disabled people can certainly feel that same pain for different reasons. No one chose this.

 

[Sadism]

Not to undermine the pain you guys are going through but at least you are able to have moments where you can just rest your thoughts and relax. I would trade all your illnesses combined against the torturous tinnitus I have, forced to listen to piercing loud noise in my head for the rest of my life.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Yeah I have incurable health issues. Since these issues can never be fixed, along with other things, I could never be happy again. I can't wait until I can actually fall asleep and not wake up from it

 

[Painless_end]

Would you call my neurobiological mental issues as health illness ?

It is certainly incurable

 

[Chockles]

I feel the same x

 

[Shadowplay]

Curious how many people are here due to actually having their life stolen from them and how many "choose" to feel like shit.

I was the happiest person on earth, but one time the WiFi went down so I chose to feel like shit out of sheer boredom, and now I can't stop and wanna yeet muhself - SEND HALP!

 

[Chockles]

I was happy enough Life was a challenge but until I was struck down with irreversible nerve damage to my sinuses/jaw/ear & 24/7 agonising Pain leaving me bed ridden for 9 months suicide was not on my mind. Now it's all I ever think about as I can't manage any hobbies, get myself out of bed or do anything independedently without excruciating symptoms. I'm barely existing now. The sooner ctb happens the better. Life is not fair. I loved nature, animals, drawing, music had adapted to a limited quality of life Until something attacked my immune system. Now there's nothing worth loving for.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Tinnitus is so terrible, I sincerely wish that you didn't have to suffer with it. I've had tinnitus since I was a young teenager, it really is no joke.

The only thing I've found that helps is drowning out the static with even louder noise that isn't too harsh on my ears. Though I also have TMJ as my jaw is misaligned, so I am not sure if your tinnitus manifests in the exact same fashion as mine.

I don't think anyone chooses to suffer, sadly we were just cursed with unfortunate circumstances outside of our control. As much as stoics like to boast that we have agency over our perception of pain, our brains are hardwired to keep us in a constant state of alarm/discomfort when a threat is detected (regardless of the duration of said threat)

For those of us with chronic health conditions, trauma, etc we have to endure unrelenting pain signals being transmitted through our nervous systems at lightning speed, with absolutely no way of relieving this viscous cycle.

Sure, we may become accustomed to it, but the deep seated agony never goes away. The imprint will last forever regardless of whether or not the condition is miraculously cured one day.

CFS, chronic pain, autism, and various other incurable diseases have hands down ruined my life, so I can understand how trapped you are feeling right now, especially when society tells us that all we have to do is adopt a positive mindset and our dehabilitating conditions will become moot points in the grand scheme of a beautiful life.

 

[Sadism]

Same. And hyperacusis/noxacusis and full ears that feel wet 24/7. No reprieve. Ever.

I am ready for peace. I'm a shell of who I was.

Sorry to hear that. How loud it is?

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I have never wanted to be alive and absolutely nothing would make me want to live. Health issues are not my only reason for being suicidal, my main reason is that I do not want to participate in life and I want absolutely nothing to do with living. Life itself is the problem. I want to sleep forever.

However I have spent a lot of my life being ill and health problems have pushed me over the edge. I also have tinnitus. Mine would not be classified as severe though even know it can get bad. A disease like this should not be allowed to exist. Health professionals who have not had it themselves do not take it seriously. I'm sorry yours is so severe. We all deserve to have silence.
Also nobody chose to suffer. Nobody chose to be alive in the first place.

 

[Brayu]

I have bipolar disorder, I have been for about 5 years (diagnosed, of course)

At first I just treated and treated, but this year I got into a goddamn whirlwind of pain, trauma, guilt (which people attribute to me so even if I know the truth it turns out to be mine), forced isolation (people don't want it anymore see) ... 2021 and the pandemic just destroyed my life, people come to me and condemn me, while treating me like a bum for not having a job.

Today I am 23 years old, it seems I was something more 2 or 3 years ago (at least there was a way open for me, it was already difficult now this infinitely worst which leads me to believe that it only tends to get worse) ... I know that I'll never be the same again and I'll be the most bitter person I'm becoming... the treatment doesn't help anymore because I can't (and who cares if I'm doing this? to them it's all my own freshness).

 

[facel]

My operated ear is louder. It hisses. Couple that with the pain and closed up ears. I just eat Klonopin to get through the day.

were it not for my kids, I'd be off a bridge. But it needs to be more private. I don't want to be in the papers but my sanity can only hold for so long

I can empathise and wish you all the best. I have similar, tinnitus, plus hyperacusis and a constant very low frequency droning noise that really affects my sleep, chronic pain, on top of the depression/anxiety and personal problems. Like you, it's only my kids that keep me going but it is indeed hard to stay sane when you can barely sleep.

 

[Beau]

I have severe digestive issues and burning mouth syndrome. I can barely eat and am severely underweight. My doctor's notes after my last visit stated my case as a "failure to thrive".

I am fortunate in many ways, but I cannot accept how limited my life has become because of these things.

 

[facel]

I am so sorry. I don't have much time. My biggest fear is acting impulsively again and ending up in a psych ward which can't help me. I spent a lot of time screaming I wanted to kill myself. It just got me locked up. Now I want it over. Preferably N but so afraid of LE. I have SN coming and have propanolol but no meto. I'd tent it with CO but it can't fail. It just can't.
If you're in the states and need a CTB friend, reach out.

Yeah, it's awful. I'm in England I'm afraid. My lowest point was when my kids took me to A&E (ER) last July because I was screaming and shouting. Fortunately I didn't say I wanted to kill myself as I feared the psych ward - it seems the psych ward hardly ever has a positive effect on the actual patient. It is a nightmare feeling trapped like this, my life has completely imploded but I'm trying to cling on for my kids, at least until they finish college, but it's proving very difficult to do so.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Sorry if this offends you but it feels like you're begging for some sort of attention

Yo man. Wtf! Leave her alone

 

[NeedExit]

PSSD, some pills gave me that. My cognitive functions are really bad, I have severe sexual dysfunction meaning I don't have any desire for my girlfriend, no empathy (don't care for my gf, parents and friends), no motivation and I don't feel joy or hardly any feeling anymore. Basically I'm sort of a zombie. I took them for anxiety and I was on such a good track! Had a girlfriend, found peace in Qi Gong, ordered my life, wrote in my diary what I was grateful for.
And now these pills took all that away from me. I don't have the capacity of finding love, finding God, finding a fulfilling career… What a wonderful life it could have been…

 

[existtosuffer]

I have bipolar disorder, I have been for about 5 years (diagnosed, of course)

At first I just treated and treated, but this year I got into a goddamn whirlwind of pain, trauma, guilt (which people attribute to me so even if I know the truth it turns out to be mine), forced isolation (people don't want it anymore see) ... 2021 and the pandemic just destroyed my life, people come to me and condemn me, while treating me like a bum for not having a job.

Today I am 23 years old, it seems I was something more 2 or 3 years ago (at least there was a way open for me, it was already difficult now this infinitely worst which leads me to believe that it only tends to get worse) ... I know that I'll never be the same again and I'll be the most bitter person I'm becoming... the treatment doesn't help anymore because I can't (and who cares if I'm doing this? to them it's all my own freshness).

I got diagnosed with BD 5 months ago, and I can't get motivated at the prospect of living the rest of my life with this illness.

I'm not really sure how a trained professional who doesn't have the illness, can really help me with the existential dread I now feel everyday.

I don't plan or intend to want to start a family knowing I'm going to pass on more suffering, and I don't feel motivated to go back into work to basically save up for my death.

I just can't sugarcoat life the way normal people do with hobbies/distractions. I really don't understand how love can exist in a reality where you are dying everyday.

 

[Sadism]

PSSD, some pills gave me that. My cognitive functions are really bad, I have severe sexual dysfunction meaning I don't have any desire for my girlfriend, no empathy (don't care for my gf, parents and friends), no motivation and I don't feel joy or hardly any feeling anymore. Basically I'm sort of a zombie. I took them for anxiety and I was on such a good track! Had a girlfriend, found peace in Qi Gong, ordered my life, wrote in my diary what I was grateful for.
And now these pills took all that away from me. I don't have the capacity of finding love, finding God, finding a fulfilling career… What a wonderful life it could have been…

What pills gave you that? Antidepressants?

 

[NeedExit]

What pills gave you that? Antidepressants?

Jup, SSRI

 

[insomuchpain316]

Me and all I want is for it to end but I don't have the courage to CTB...not bc I am scared of death but because I don't want to be a vegtable

 

[LastLoveLetter]

Sorry if this offends you but it feels like you're begging for some sort of attention

What a strange and insensitive thing to say to another suicidal person.

I have seen @FuneralCry here ever since I first joined SS. I never had the impression she was "begging for attention." In fact, she gives a lot of attention, support and kindness to others here. I have always seen her impart empathetic, kind and supportive words to other members, responding to many posts each day. I have always admired that about her.

However, even if a member here does yearn for attention, so what? Surely this is a space where many people enduring the lowest point of their lives seek support. Some members may lurk or come here exclusively to acquire methods, which is fine. Many others come here to engage with the community and receive support.

In that sense, you could say the vast majority of those who post here desire "attention", and that is okay. It is perfectly acceptable to want acknowledgement, validation and connection, when those are things so many people here are sorely lacking in their personal lives. There are so many stories here of members being abandoned, abused, ignored, neglected and alienated.

Not to mention the stigma surrounding suicide, which is prevalent even among those with various illnesses. I have lost count of the number of times I have been told to keep trudging on, even in the face of incurable conditions with no relief in sight. For some, this is the only place where they can speak openly and honestly about their circumstances and suicidality.

Wanting to be listened to and understood on some level is absolutely understandable, and should not be shamed.

And @FuneralCry has provided that very empathy and understanding to many, many members here. She deserves to receive those same things herself, too.

 

[Shadowplay]

Not to undermine the pain you guys are going through but at least you are able to have moments where you can just rest your thoughts and relax. I would trade all your illnesses combined against the torturous tinnitus I have, forced to listen to piercing loud noise in my head for the rest of my life.

Look you probably didn't mean to, but you came across as kinda arrogant - playing a game of one-downmanship. We are all suffering here - that is literally why we are. Trying to say you're suffering more than others is kinda snotty to me. If you swapped your pain for someone else's pain who also wanted to CTB you'd be right back where you started. And claiming that people chose to be so miserable they wanna CTB is so obnoxious I don't know where to start. We generally try to support each other here. And I'm generally not one to attack others and especially not on here - usually if there is a post I think is silly or whatever, I just ignore it and not post anything. There is enough negativity in the world, and the last place in the world I would want to add to it is on here. I try to be supportive and do what little I can.

That said welcome and if you choose to CTB then I hope it is relatively quick and painless, and that it brings you the peace you deserve. I have never heard of severe tinnnitus before let alone so severe you wanna CTB but there you go. I'm certainly not making light of your suffering; it if it enough to force you, or even just consider CTB then that is proof enough to me your suffering is severe. Please just pay us the same respect. :-)

 

[motel rooms]

Curious how many people are here due to actually having their life stolen from them and how many "choose" to feel like shit.

What are your criteria for distinguishing between these 2 categories? Also, what is the difference between "choose" & choose (to feel like shit)?

 

[odradek]

Sorry if this offends you but it feels like you're begging for some sort of attention

Sorry if this offends you but it feels like you're just try to be a dick and stir up shit. Some might say "begging for attention". Wow, low blow dude.

 

[motel rooms]

Sorry if this offends you but it feels like you're begging for some sort of attention

@FuneralCry is probably the most self-effacing active SS member...