I think the term narcissist gets over used a lot nowadays due to psychology language becoming more popular in everyday lexicon, but two of my biggest abusers had narcissistic traits and behaved in a way that aligned with the characters you see in r/ raisedbynarcissists anecdotes.
My grandmother, on my father's side, has had severe psychosis/schizophrenia since she was young. She has persecutory delusions where she believes other people and spiritual entities (like demons, Satan, etc) are plotting against her. It was well known that she was like this because she would call random people on the phone and rant at them, there were legal documents where my father was on record saying she was dangerous to be around, etc, but no one would stand up to her when she lashed out and everyone pretended like she wasn't an absolute nutcase.
Meds didn't help her for whatever reason, and she constantly would throw fits, cry, and insult you. As a child and teenager I didn't feel comfortable with her hugging and kissing me, but she would start crying and proclaiming that everyone hates her, so I would be forced to let her kiss me and hold me at the behest of other family members. Everything revolved around placating her. It didn't matter that she told her children they were worthless, nobodies, pieces of shit, or eventually started telling me I was an evil faggot who would burn in hell- you were always the villain and she was the innocent victim.
She would go on absurd shopping sprees with money she didn't have and buy loads of junk, including clothes that I couldn't wear or wouldn't wear because I'm autistic and certain textures are like sandpaper on my skin. Of course, a 7 year old child saying they didn't want these things made her fly into a rage, causing her to lament about how she loves her family so much and does all of these nice things, yet no one appreciates her and we're all horrible. She loved to invent conspiracies and would label random kids from my school as druggies or "devil worshippers" with no evidence, so that I wouldn't be allowed to hang out with them.
Everyone enabled her behaviour and let the verbal abuse and threats continue. It got to a point where she beat up her own daughter who was confined to a wheelchair right in front of me, but went around saying how it isn't her fault. She also drove my father to an early death by encouraging him to be a violent alcoholic and constantly degrading him until drugs, alcohol, and dangerous characters, were all he could turn to.
She would attempt suicide multiple times, citing the reason as "everyone is against her." Yet, even if you humoured her, eventually she would snap and start verbally abusing you anyway. She still calls people on the phone unsolicited and picks fights with them, going so far as to call my other grandmother (whom she hates and constantly leaves voicemails calling her a bitch for no reason) to announce smugly that she has no grandchildren anymore and she's disowned me. On top of that, she got a relative of hers to send letters in the mail chastising me for not being part of their family anymore.
Of course, she also goes on social media and posts all caps rants about how she has done nothing wrong and she was wrongfully abandoned for no reason by her lying decietful grandchild whom she loves so much. The way other people would talk about their luxury holidays, promotions, and favorite things, was how she would talk about her children's deaths, playing the grieving mother card to every single person who would listen, even random delivery men or service workers. Anytime she would do something nice for you, she'd just hold it over your head that she did an act of kindness and you should be greatful. Textbook self-centered behavior.
Growing up around such an unhinged and abusive person warped me in so many ways. Hearing anyone cry makes me so uncomfortable, causing me freeze up and go stiff, because for years upon years of my childhood I would have to hear my grandmother tantrum ing, crying, sobbing and throwing fits any time something didn't go her way.
She would severely neglect her family and do nothing but sit in her room, watching TV, shopping online, and smoking cigarettes all day. If she suspected there were any "gay or atheist" characters in a book, movie, or game she would take it away from me, telling me how I wasn't my father's child because he would have hated a "disgusting faggot" like me. Also, yelling how I wasn't meant to be born cause my father had never wanted a child in the first place!
At least she was an idiot though. She was too entrenched in her dogmas to be slick and manipulative like the other self-centered dickhead that abused me.
The man who groomed me when I was 17 (he'd had his eye on me since I was 16 though, because this 25/26 year old grown ass man thought a developmentally delayed teenage girl was SO HOT)
I think what's even worse than getting told to kill yourself by an abuser, not being believed when their best friend rapes you, having most of you possessions stolen by them, constantly being verbally abused in public and having your arms and wrists yanked violently by them, being screamed at, having your nude photos leaked, eventually punching you during an argument, being blackmailed by them, and so on, is when this abuser is so cunning and charming that they convince everyone around you that YOU'RE the mastermind and they never did a single thing wrong.
I'm gonna be fucked up the rest of my life because of what these people did to me, but they only care about themselves. Their ego, pride, and reputation is too high of a price to pay for some respect and decency. If you've ever had to deal with abusive people lole this, I would recommend reading a book called "I'm glad my mom died" because a lot of the feelings and experiences the author discusses will resonate with you.
