How many of us are PhD students, lol?

[jnpx321]

That's a valid question haha. It was because of my career. For a long time, I was stuck between following status and money (CS) and following passion (a social science, which makes no money and my family shuns), but didn't feel like either were good options. I was crushed by expectations of the others and couldn't live my own life. Simultaneously, I hated CS so much that I planned to attempt suicide via SN overdose in order to get out of it.

Then, in the most absurd and disturbing romantic twist, I met my suicide partner here, he convinced me to live, and cured my depression and suicidal ideation overnight. It was because of trying to overdose ctb that I actually realized I love learning about drugs. I decided to pursue the college major that he did (biochemistry) and dedicate my career to his goals in his honor, since he's not alive to do it anymore. It was really perfect because I love it and it's also prestigious. Ironically SaSu (mostly my ctb partner) saved my life...

I don't plan to ctb anymore, but I visit sometimes because this site holds a special place in my heart, and to go back and view my suicide partner's posts. I've also always been pro-choice and want to help people if they need it. I think I've had my fair share of experiences and have been on the forum for long enough--longer than my join date suggests lol--to be able to give others advice.

You can certainly learn biochemistry if you like, no one forced you to learn what you don't like
By the way, do you live in USA?

 

[ripberman]

It doesn't necessarily get better with practice. Apply the anxiety you feel and substitute an upcoming trial or worrying about potential malpractice on legal work you did.

It's so bad that you can pick up free cle in the US on suicidal lawyers.

You're in practice, then? Is it really as miserable as it sounds? Surely there's some practice area that is less soul-crushing than the others.

 

[poached]

You're in practice, then? Is it really as miserable as it sounds? Surely there's some practice area that is less soul-crushing than the others.

Some areas can be better. Some might be more happy at a title company, doing regulatory compliance, or working in house. Even in trial law, I knew a sole practitioner pi lawyer that met someone of the same ethnic background that referred him pi cases and he quickly became affluent.

It's possible for things to be better after lawschool. But graduation isn't a magic pill that makes the world better.

After law school.comes the bar. After the bar you may find yourself learning about other cle subjects like "dealing with difficult lawyers" and dealing with "difficult clients."

I would suggest to younger lawyers that they put their own mental well being first whatever form that takes (except substance abuse and other self harm behaviors) wherever it's inside or outside law.

I would also suggest that your state Bar probably has an anonymous assistance program that helps law students and lawyers struggling with mental health issues which would be worth looking into and keeping in mind

 

[penguinl0v3s]

You can certainly learn biochemistry if you like, no one forced you to learn what you don't like
By the way, do you live in USA?

Uhh if you're asking because of sources, I don't disclose sources to users that aren't frequently active.

 

[jnpx321]

You are right op, is it a stressful process, i think having passion for the subject is a good motivator as with anything in life, how are you holding with it btw?

I am a last year PHD student, wanted to prolong it for maybe 2 years at most but had to abandon it back in September since i don't have the will to live. It requires me to be present and do research travels, its impossible when i don't even have the motivation to leave the bed.
i went trough college for a master i didn't even enjoy with depression; i was doing this PhD just to become a teacher in college since i don't like my profession, but teaching seemed fulfilling.
I hope everyone's thesis/ master/studies/goals goes well

What do you major in?

 

[Zebulon]

I'm one year into a masters on a private univeristy. I worked multiple jobs over 3 years to get the money.. The masters is hard, really hard. I cant fail one exam otherwise I run out of money. Tomorrow is one exam and I got 39,3 C high fever. The Problem is, maybe I could even go and try, but I know im gonna fail, since I cant remeber the technical termini etc. I put so much effort, so many years into it, just that my braind and body fail me.

And I know everybody will be why didnt you come, why didnt you try to write the exam. But if I write it and fail, I get a feeling of worthlesness that's all consuming. If I dont write it, I still feel like shit, but atleast there is the thought that if I'm fit I could've succeded. Its the external pressure in this case thats suffocating me. Everybody handles life better.
But on the bright sight: I dont plan to live through the winter. My plan just needs some ironing out, whith the help of some of you guys <3

 

[ijustwishtodie]

When you don't have the motivation to live it's so much more difficult to get the motivation to do anything else

I relate to this. I don't have any motivation at all and I just don't see how I can have motivation. I'd rather be dead than be motivated to do anything in life

 

[Davey36000]

There are a lot of benefits that you are overlooking, having a college degree (PhD or whatever) means:

- Easier to get jobs worldwide
- No backbreaking work that you will hate having to do just to stay alive (and the constant pain from spinal cord injuries, etc).
- People will treat you like you're a human being just because you have a degree (specially bosses), they are less likely to treat you like a rag
- Earn more € or $
- Don't have to do jobs you don't like (assuming you have a degree in something you like).
- Can probably retire earlier
- For some people it can be a source of self-worth/esteem
- Easier to get some jobs with any college degree (even if it's not related).

Just another perspective.

 

[ForeverBroken]

Not a grad student but am working on a Bachelor's in Biochemistry. Also have a Nursing degree. I have no desire to get a PhD. Ever. I admire you for going that far in school. Best of luck.

 

[Celerity]

I left my program over 5 years ago and am still plugging away at trying to get my career back on track. The PhD is a dead end for the vast majority of people who attempt it. Wasted almost 3 years of my life on it. A classmate dropped out during the second week, and I really envy him for his quick thinking.

I'm working towards a possible PhD in psychology, but I don't think I'll achieve it. In fact, I'll probably die before I get my masters. I initially started in hopes that I could fix whatever is wrong with me, now it's just something i know about more than any other subject and I am headed to a PhD because without college I can't see a future for myself in the case that I recover or don't ctb.

I doubt that I can talk you out of it, but please reconsider pursuing that psych PhD. The field is tumultuous right now with the replication crisis in full swing, and the research is way, way less sexy than you think it is.

There are a lot of benefits that you are overlooking, having a college degree (PhD or whatever) means:

- Easier to get jobs worldwide
- No backbreaking work that you will hate having to do just to stay alive (and the constant pain from spinal cord injuries, etc).
- People will treat you like you're a human being just because you have a degree (specially bosses), they are less likely to treat you like a rag
- Earn more € or $
- Don't have to do jobs you don't like (assuming you have a degree in something you like).
- Can probably retire earlier
- For some people it can be a source of self-worth/esteem
- Easier to get some jobs with any college degree (even if it's not related).

Just another perspective.

A PhD is 5-7 years beyond the bachelor's degree. It is a completely different ball of wax and often has diminished job prospects. Have you tried to pursue one or know someone who has?

Not a grad student but am working on a Bachelor's in Biochemistry. Also have a Nursing degree. I have no desire to get a PhD. Ever. I admire you for going that far in school. Best of luck.

What are you intended to do with the biochemistry degree? What do you think about nursing?

 

[jnpx321]

I'm one year into a masters on a private univeristy. I worked multiple jobs over 3 years to get the money.. The masters is hard, really hard. I cant fail one exam otherwise I run out of money. Tomorrow is one exam and I got 39,3 C high fever. The Problem is, maybe I could even go and try, but I know im gonna fail, since I cant remeber the technical termini etc. I put so much effort, so many years into it, just that my braind and body fail me.

And I know everybody will be why didnt you come, why didnt you try to write the exam. But if I write it and fail, I get a feeling of worthlesness that's all consuming. If I dont write it, I still feel like shit, but atleast there is the thought that if I'm fit I could've succeded. Its the external pressure in this case thats suffocating me. Everybody handles life better.
But on the bright sight: I dont plan to live through the winter. My plan just needs some ironing out, whith the help of some of you guys <3

I wish you good luck. What do you major in?

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm not, I'm currently an undergrad studying Computer Science with no intentions of going further than a bachelor's degree.

As you have seen firsthand, it doesn't seem to help going beyond that level, most jobs require a bachelors, very few require a masters, and I have yet to see one that requires a PhD.

Ultimately, that's the main reason. Hell, this market is so flooded and I'm early on in my degree so it could get worse in the time it takes me to graduate.

I don't really care, however. I only started college because I hated my life after a breakup and wanted a change and taking a gap year was a regret so I started college ASAP. I feel college is what saved my life to be honest. The best bet nowadays is going into defense work. Sure, it pays less than the typical software engineer jobs but its easier to get, especially if you obtain a clearance somehow.

Either way, this saved my life and I've always clinged to that thought that if I can change my life or attempt to make it better, I would try it before I CTB so at least I can always say that I tried if I ever do.

 

[nozomu]

There are a lot of benefits that you are overlooking, having a college degree (PhD or whatever) means:

- Easier to get jobs worldwide
- No backbreaking work that you will hate having to do just to stay alive (and the constant pain from spinal cord injuries, etc).
- People will treat you like you're a human being just because you have a degree (specially bosses), they are less likely to treat you like a rag
- Earn more € or $
- Don't have to do jobs you don't like (assuming you have a degree in something you like).
- Can probably retire earlier
- For some people it can be a source of self-worth/esteem
- Easier to get some jobs with any college degree (even if it's not related).

Just another perspective.

Literally none of these apply to me, I've been trying to get a job since May and I'm suicidal largely because I've been treated inhumanely in work environments. Social opinion of what a PhD does for you is NOT reality.

 

[ForeverBroken]

I left my program over 5 years ago and am still plugging away at trying to get my career back on track. The PhD is a dead end for the vast majority of people who attempt it. Wasted almost 3 years of my life on it. A classmate dropped out during the second week, and I really envy him for his quick thinking.



I doubt that I can talk you out of it, but please reconsider pursuing that psych PhD. The field is tumultuous right now with the replication crisis in full swing, and the research is way, way less sexy than you think it is.

A PhD is 5-7 years beyond the bachelor's degree. It is a completely different ball of wax and often has diminished job prospects. Have you tried to pursue one or know someone who has?

What are you intended to do with the biochemistry degree? What do you think about nursing?

I loved Nursing but it has changed since the pandemic. I don't work in it as much anymore due to injuries from a car accident. I had several broken bones in both of my legs so being on my feet for 12-14 hours at a time is difficult.

As far as Biochemistry, I want to do research, mainly with developing treatments for neuromuscular diseases. I'm also interested in research with viruses. There is limited effective treatments for those and I find it interesting. If you can't tell already, I'm a complete nerd when it comes to this stuff but I love it. It is the one thing keeping me alive at this point. It keeps my mind busy for the most part. Down time is when I tend to dwell on how miserable I really am so this helps.

 

[Final_Choice]

Doing a 4+1 Master's program on CS, might have to end up dropping the MS though because it's so taxing on me. It's fucking torture, but sometimes I like it.

 

[sadwriter]

I've always wanted to get a PhD in neuroscience/ chemistry after undergrad, but given how horrible school has been for my mental health, I've been doubting that it's the right decision for me. This thread is definitely helping to scare me out of it :,) It sucks because I love learning about science and doing research, but the culture is so fucking toxic...

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I am a master's student and it makes me want to ctb everyday. Did a neuroscience degree and it is completely useless due to my disabilities. I wanted to do a PhD and go into research but I don't see how it is possible now.

 

[Zebulon]

I wish you good luck. What do you major in?

Thank you.
I major in forensic psychology.
You know, the problem is: my prof wanted to delay the exam just for me. Just because I wasnt there yet. I really like the courses and participate reguarly, but I didnt expect that my prof would be so kind to me. She didnt care for the other 12 Students that werent there. And I repay the kindness by not showing up. I'm literally worse than trash.
Still cant bring myself to thank her for the effort...

 

[ForeverBroken]

That's a valid question haha. It was because of my career. For a long time, I was stuck between following status and money (CS) and following passion (a social science, which makes no money and my family shuns), but didn't feel like either were good options. I was crushed by expectations of the others and couldn't live my own life. Simultaneously, I hated CS so much that I planned to attempt suicide via SN overdose in order to get out of it.

Then, in the most absurd and disturbing romantic twist, I met my suicide partner here, he convinced me to live, and cured my depression and suicidal ideation overnight. It was because of trying to overdose ctb that I actually realized I love learning about drugs. I decided to pursue the college major that he did (biochemistry) and dedicate my career to his goals in his honor, since he's not alive to do it anymore. It was really perfect because I love it and it's also prestigious. Ironically SaSu (mostly my ctb partner) saved my life...

I don't plan to ctb anymore, but I visit sometimes because this site holds a special place in my heart, and to go back and view my suicide partner's posts. I've also always been pro-choice and want to help people if they need it. I think I've had my fair share of experiences and have been on the forum for long enough--longer than my join date suggests lol--to be able to give others advice.

Saw that you have a degree in Biochem. That also happens to be my major. Can I ask what university you attended? I'm currently at a community college getting an Associates in Chemistry and then will be transferring to get a Bachelors in Biochem. Just curious.

 

[lostforever77]

especially true for computer science, but for other fields a PhD can be more useful. still, a shit ton of suffering. im only doing comp sci because i want out of school as quick as i can while having a decent job.

The cool thing about computer science though is that a lot of jobs look very kindly at both experience and certs. At the end of the day your boss really only cares if you can write x program, or fix X issue. I have been an analyst for about 6 year now, and I would suggest 2 things. 1)j Go into Cyber Security - While other tech sectors are laying off jobs, there is about 500k unfilled jobs in the states alone, and 1.5 million world wide. 2) If you are still in school, get into AI NOW. This is not a fad, it is here to stay. Even just learning how to phrase questions to get it to put out the right data is a job I already see people doing. future proof your job.

 

[MyLuckyStars]

I'm just a lowly undergrad, for now. Probably gonna get a masters degree, but from what I've heard of the PhD process it sounds too grueling for someone like me. My step dad has a phd and he still makes pocket lint and quarters for wages working as a professor. Unless I was absolutely convinced of it's utility, I don't see myself taking a stab at it. Good luck out there to all you brainiacs fighting for one, though. It's very impressive regardless of it's use, at least.

Going to college was the second biggest mistake of my life. The first was not ctb when I was in my 20s. Would've saved a lot of agony. I mistakenly thought things could get better. How wrong I was. I never could've imagined how bad things could get.

I just entered my 20's a bit ago. What's the next decade like? Someone recently told me the 20's are the best decade of life, which I found sort of ridiculous. I feel like an old man at heart.

 

[nozomu]

I just entered my 20's a bit ago. What's the next decade like? Someone recently told me the 20's are the best decade of life, which I found sort of ridiculous. I feel like an old man at heart.

20s are shit and anyone who thinks it is the best decade of life is just probably the type of person who's a party freak and wants to live a life without responsibility or obligations to others or some shit. I strongly believe you don't really get much out of life until your 30s, it's where real freedom and understanding of yourself happens. I hope I make it there. I'm 29.

 

[ForeverBroken]

I feel that my 30's were the best. I learned the most about myself and kind of became comfortable with who I was.

 

[NotMeant2B]

Hi.
I arrived a bit late, but I wanted to show up just to meet people that know the struggle. I've actually been in this forum before enrolling into my PhD programme, so it must sound like I'm nuts just thinking about getting a doctoral degree while being fully aware of the psychological issues that PhD students might (rather, will) develop or intensify during their programme on top of the shit I've got going on my mind.
It's been hard, but I've made it work somehow, I've become functional enough to be able to pursue my degree without actually changing my mind about not wanting to *be* in the first place. It seemingly goes against all reason, but those who are in a similar place will understand. I think it might be potential evidence that suicidal ideation is not a necessary consequence of 'not being in the right mind'; certainly this is not the first and neither the last of such cases.
Anyway, I wanted to share just a bit about myself. Happy to meet you all.

 

[Hysteria]

There aren't many PhD students around here. So, I can't write if I finished, exited, or in progress, but I've got experience and cast a truthful vote to contribute to your poll.

 

[jnpx321]

Hi.
I arrived a bit late, but I wanted to show up just to meet people that know the struggle. I've actually been in this forum before enrolling into my PhD programme, so it must sound like I'm nuts just thinking about getting a doctoral degree while being fully aware of the psychological issues that PhD students might (rather, will) develop or intensify during their programme on top of the shit I've got going on my mind.
It's been hard, but I've made it work somehow, I've become functional enough to be able to pursue my degree without actually changing my mind about not wanting to *be* in the first place. It seemingly goes against all reason, but those who are in a similar place will understand. I think it might be potential evidence that suicidal ideation is not a necessary consequence of 'not being in the right mind'; certainly this is not the first and neither the last of such cases.
Anyway, I wanted to share just a bit about myself. Happy to meet you all.

Do you study psychology?

 

[NotMeant2B]

Do you study psychology?

Sorry for the late answer, but no, I'm an engineer. I don't have any formal training in psychology, I just read some things out of curiosity.

 

[suicidesheep31.1]

I did a PhD and yes, this is abusive. Most of the research is done by students and there are a lots of pressure.
It helped me during it to watch memes in order to laugh at the situation rather than being overwhelmed.
I cried a lot, I was frustrated that it was not going as fast as I wanted to.
This is difficult

 

[Linda]

I actually found being a PhD student better than being an undergraduate. The pressure was less, and I had more time for myself. And by then I had a boyfriend, which also helped.