How many of us are PhD students, lol?

[nozomu]

Asking because grad school and how it ruins my entire existence is my main push towards CTB. Anyone else here a PhD student / was one? This shit is horrible. I hate how abusive the entire process is.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

No I didn't go to uni because I was told it's a waste of time

 

[nozomu]

No I didn't go to uni because I was told it's a waste of time

I don't blame you. I am in severe debt, and I can't even get a job with a near-complete computer science PhD, LMAO. Would have been better off to go get a normal job after my first degree and been contributing to my retirement all this time...eh

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I may be one in the future if I don't ctb before that time lol

This shit is horrible. I hate how abusive the entire process is.

fk is it this bad?

 

[todienomore]

Piled Higher and Deeper

 

[february in alaska]

I would've been a graduate student next fall :')

I know how hard this shit is even for people who are relatively stable and enjoy life. There's just no point for me. When you don't have the motivation to live it's so much more difficult to get the motivation to do anything else

 

[ripberman]

I am currently attending law school and feel your pain. The rigor and competitiveness certainly did not cause my suicidal ideation, but have exacerbated my hopelessness considerably. Fear of failure and the miserable job market definitely don't help, either...

 

[figurehead]

You made me laugh. Whilst I was a PhD Student I always wondered which of us are there because of sheer insanity lol I finished mine a long time ago, but I still feel those days hovering over me. There's no end to insanity. After I passed I went one to get a post-doc. It was a nightmare. `Don't recommend.

 

[AnonymousRobin]

I study veterinary medicine makes me want to ctb every day

 

[hellispink]

Just doing a masters is like hell , cant imagine phd. If i was to stay alive probably i would have done it but i know it has to be hell on earth.

 

[nozomu]

I may be one in the future if I don't ctb before that time lol

fk is it this bad?

Don't do it man, you deserve life and happiness lol

 

[nozomu]

I would've been a graduate student next fall :')

I know how hard this shit is even for people who are relatively stable and enjoy life. There's just no point for me. When you don't have the motivation to live it's so much more difficult to get the motivation to do anything else

Honestly, it's best not to go... Doesn't really improve your ability to get a job, costs money you could otherwise be earning at a job.

I am currently attending law school and feel your pain. The rigor and competitiveness certainly did not cause my suicidal ideation, but have exacerbated my hopelessness considerably. Fear of failure and the miserable job market definitely don't help, either...

Yeah it sucks ass. They really don't care about us grad students lol.

You made me laugh. Whilst I was a PhD Student I always wondered which of us are there because of sheer insanity lol I finished mine a long time ago, but I still feel those days hovering over me. There's no end to insanity. After I passed I went one to get a post-doc. It was a nightmare. `Don't recommend.

I *hope* to finish mine before I die, but they're making living so difficult that I almost have no choice but to CTB.

Just doing a masters is like hell , cant imagine phd. If i was to stay alive probably i would have done it but i know it has to be hell on earth.

It ain't worth it

 

[figurehead]

I know I shouldn't say this kind of thing here, people will think I'm some mad pro-lifer. But now that you've seen the devil (the bloody research - btw what's your about? - you should face it and kick it in the arse, I was completely off my head during my PhD studies and thought of dropping everything as many times as I chose death. Even if for anything else, the gowns are coool at graduation lol Anyway, if you need to vent pm me I'll be happy to exorcise some of doctorate's evil forces.

Ah I almost forgot to say was an about authors who committed suicide, so I breathed wrote and watched death all the time in my head.

 

[Sunset Limited]

Humanity's total body of knowledge constantly increases and becomes more complex, but people do not evolve to become smarter in a short time. This is our problem. Maintaining the modern life that we invented to make everything easier is very troublesome and stressful. Primitive man is a person who lives the life he can handle. Still, life on this planet, in its most basic dynamics, is not worth consciously experiencing.

 

[CTB Dream]

Me no phd but read lrn many thing bfr injury damage, know human species only care acadmy papr no ppl care wat know wat do if no papr

 

[cryone]

Doesn't really improve your ability to get a job

especially true for computer science, but for other fields a PhD can be more useful. still, a shit ton of suffering. im only doing comp sci because i want out of school as quick as i can while having a decent job.

 

[nozomu]

especially true for computer science, but for other fields a PhD can be more useful. still, a shit ton of suffering. im only doing comp sci because i want out of school as quick as i can while having a decent job.

Good luck even with a bachelor's in this market. Mass layoffs last year makes it so the market is flooded with top talent with years of experience having to settle with entry level jobs. I work in research and have 8+ years experience, and even that isn't enough.

 

[BlazingBob]

Going to college was the second biggest mistake of my life. The first was not ctb when I was in my 20s. Would've saved a lot of agony. I mistakenly thought things could get better. How wrong I was. I never could've imagined how bad things could get.

 

[Euthanza]

I study veterinary medicine makes me want to ctb every day

Hi, do you have access to N?

 

[jnpx321]

I study veterinary medicine makes me want to ctb every day

Why? You don't like it?

 

[Abyssal]

I'm working towards a possible PhD in psychology, but I don't think I'll achieve it. In fact, I'll probably die before I get my masters. I initially started in hopes that I could fix whatever is wrong with me, now it's just something i know about more than any other subject and I am headed to a PhD because without college I can't see a future for myself in the case that I recover or don't ctb.

 

[jnpx321]

I don't intend to become a PhD student, but I want to switch out of CS to biochem which would require doing grad school in some way unlike CS. For me, it's either master's or med school for psychiatry. Which is hopefully less shitty than PhD?

LOL, asking the real questions.

Humans were not designed to exert their brains in front of a computer 24/7, and it shows. They were designed to do more physical tasks as well, and building a society where it is difficult to do so (USA is unwalkable) has clearly contributed to many health issues.

Since I hate my major, I've decided not to pick up any work experience related to my major and rely on the brand name of the uni I went to (T20). I wonder if that's enough. With CS it is based more on skill than some other majors since you have to pass technical interviews and get Leetcode problems correct I think. Work is not about what you know, it's about who you know. As a nepo baby I can attest to that first hand.

But seems computer science makes people earn a lot of money

 

[Rhizomorph1]

I'm working towards a possible PhD in psychology, but I don't think I'll achieve it. In fact, I'll probably die before I get my masters. I initially started in hopes that I could fix whatever is wrong with me, now it's just something i know about more than any other subject and I am headed to a PhD because without college I can't see a future for myself in the case that I recover or don't ctb.

Fellow psych student here. I just finished my BA with honours and wanted to do a master's degree but frankly I think the stress of a master's degree would inevitably lead to me ctb...

I might just become a pharmacy assistant instead (if I don't ctb first)

I want to ask this because I feel a bit alone in this feeling amongst my psychology peers, but do you think psychology is a bit too optimistic at times? Obviously they're getting paid to solve psychological problems but sometimes I feel they can be unrealistic about the realities or enduring aspects of certain psychopathologies.

I specifically remember the suicide section of my abnormal psych class involving a whole lot of "we don't really have a great explanation but here's the demographics of the people that do it"

Also... Adjustment disorders seem to just be a bandaid label for poverty and systematic issues that deny people their basic needs...

Idk what field you are in - I was mostly interested in clinical. But I feel a bit jaded by it all after having also studied sociology and learning about the sociocultural and political aspects of mental health that just seem to be so fundamentally flawed.

Feel free to pm me so I don't inadvertantly hijack this thread

 

[FrostedHoax]

I'm not a grad student yet but I'm going to be a master's student starting next semester. I can't believe I'm already going into grad school and yet I don't feel any better off than when I first went into college. If anything, I feel much worse off mentally and emotionally.

 

[AnonymousRobin]

Hi, do you have access to N?

I don't currently, but it will be readily available in future, I don't plan to use it though as it would affect a lot of my colleagues for wherever I work or have placement :/

Why? You don't like it?

I love it, but its a lot, every single second is essays, research or case studies, not to mention clinical hours, it's just a lot of stress compounded with mental health issues

 

[CPY]

It's proving already too much even finishing my degree let alone a PhD lol.Well uni is a lost cause for me all I'm doing is putting off as far in the future as I possible can having to enter the workforce which is going to be a dead end temporary job since economy is dead here and my degree is useless anyway.That is if I manage to somehow overcome my illnesses and acquire the strength necessary to maintain a job

 

[jnpx321]

It does, but I'm obsessed with chemicals and it's pretty apparent that I not only like biochem more but also I'm more gifted in it too. I'm pretty confident that I will be able to land a good job either way because my uni is still top 20 and I've always been a top student, even at my worst.

I also have rich parents, so that's a safety net. I can get into investing if I'm really starved for cash. I've never had any spending problems, so I trust myself to be able to pick it up lol.

I'm kind of at the point where having more money has minimal affects on my life, and pursuing passion matters more.

Wow! Since you have rich family and talented profession, why are you here?

 

[CantTurnBack]

Good luck even with a bachelor's in this market. Mass layoffs last year makes it so the market is flooded with top talent with years of experience having to settle with entry level jobs. I work in research and have 8+ years experience, and even that isn't enough.

As a self-taught/self-employed software engineer with no formal education, this is unfortunate to read. I'm intending on pursuing my career in this field, but perhaps it will be even more challenging than I've anticipated. I prefer to continue working independently as a freelancer/contractor, but that comes with its own set of obstacles too.

Regardless, I'm remaining hopeful I'll have the ability to find a stable future within this industry.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Wow! Since you have rich family and talented profession, why are you here?

That's a valid question haha. It was because of my career. For a long time, I was stuck between following status and money (CS) and following passion (a social science, which makes no money and my family shuns), but didn't feel like either were good options. I was crushed by expectations of the others and couldn't live my own life. Simultaneously, I hated CS so much that I planned to attempt suicide via SN overdose in order to get out of it.

Then, in the most absurd and disturbing romantic twist, I met my suicide partner here, he convinced me to live, and cured my depression and suicidal ideation overnight. It was because of trying to overdose ctb that I actually realized I love learning about drugs. I decided to pursue the college major that he did (biochemistry) and dedicate my career to his goals in his honor, since he's not alive to do it anymore. It was really perfect because I love it and it's also prestigious. Ironically SaSu (mostly my ctb partner) saved my life...

I don't plan to ctb anymore, but I visit sometimes because this site holds a special place in my heart, and to go back and view my suicide partner's posts. I've also always been pro-choice and want to help people if they need it. I think I've had my fair share of experiences and have been on the forum for long enough--longer than my join date suggests lol--to be able to give others advice.

 

[poached]

I am currently attending law school and feel your pain. The rigor and competitiveness certainly did not cause my suicidal ideation, but have exacerbated my hopelessness considerably. Fear of failure and the miserable job market definitely don't help, either..

It doesn't necessarily get better with practice. Apply the anxiety you feel and substitute an upcoming trial or worrying about potential malpractice on legal work you did.

It's so bad that you can pick up free cle in the US on suicidal lawyers.