Discussion How long will it take them to move on?

[Toptock]

Hey guys,

A thought has come up recently. People seem to be concerned about leaving others behind, leaving people who'd 'miss' them or otherwise notice if they were to leave. Personally, I don't recall spending more than maybe a few months missing my friend after he took his own life. I was a kid and bounced back fairly quickly, and as an adult I wonder how long it'd take someone to move on. I fully understand it's a vastly different consideration, but I often compare it to a really significant breakup. You built a life around this person and then it's gone in a single day. My whole deal is that I never dwell on it too long. The other party will move on, find someone almost immediately and live their life with no concern for anything else. So that brings me to this topic. We all have people who say they'll miss us if we go, how do they know? Why would they care? If we mattered that much, why don't they call? (For me that's easy, I ghosted them all so they wouldn't miss me)

How long do you think it'll take your partner, or friends, or even family to move on? Based on what you know about them?
Example: My mother will move on immediately, that's just who she is. My father will make it all about himself and maybe my friend will remember me. But truth be told, based on my experiences, I foresee a lot of criticism in my decision to ctb. I anticipate a few snide remarks along the lines of "Of course he'd do this, always gotta be the center of attention."

So for those comfortable enough to share, how long do you think it'll take the people in your life to move on?

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Parents, a long married spouse or children probably forever

anyone else two weeks

 

[WornOutLife]

My only friends would move on instantly. They'll remember and tell anecdotes about me from time to time, sure, but in the end they'll just continue with their lives normally and that makes me happy.

As for my family, my dad would never get over my death. No way for him to move on. That's why I'm still here. Can't leave him alone.

The rest of my family would probably move on kinda fast too.

 

[booray]

My mother will be shattered. In fact, she told me not to even think of killing myself not so long ago. I hate to think about what this will do to her, but she sees the pain and suffering that I'm going through every day. I don't know how to reconcile this, yet I know that I can't hang on for too much longer. This has been going on for nearly two years and the agony is unbearable. I no longer have a life worth living and I never will.

 

[Rockman]

Well i had suicide of my close uncle in family when i was early teenager. I dont rememer much but not so long. After about 15 years later uncles mother says that better without him. But its not representative example my family is very narcissistic.

 

[sorella santini]

I have given this some consideration. For my spouse and children I know I am fooling myself believing they will move on easily. It took me a decade or two to heal from my mother's passing and she didn't even take her own life. But they will have each other to rely on and to comfort. I take comfort in that.

 

[BandAddict]

I don't really know, and it really bothers me. I feel like it would affect them forever, though maybe it could fade or lessen over time.

I did tell my mom not too long ago that I wanted to know if her and my sibling would be okay, because I had wished that somehow they could be the same as they are, and still have witty conversations and so on. She said no, that I should know how suicide fucks up families.

So, it would probably devastate them, but I hope that they'll be strong.

 

[ashedout]

I've lost several friends and family members, including my sister, over the years. Most were suicides and the rest were drug overdoses. It's always taken a few weeks to a few months for me to recover from the losses depending on the circumstances. It's a harsh reality to face but most people do eventually move on from loved ones deaths - even if they go "too soon."

My mom will take my death the worst. That thought is sometimes enough for me to reconsider......but she has a good support system in place so she might be okay after awhile. She is definitely the one I worry about the most. My brother will mostly feel anger and eventually that may turn into sadness but I can't say for sure. No one else will care or they will get over it quick enough that I don't even think about it. My friends will feel bad for themselves because I do make a lot of depression/suicide jokes but like, there is nothing they can do to prevent it.

 

[GarageKarate07]

Hey guys,

A thought has come up recently. People seem to be concerned about leaving others behind, leaving people who'd 'miss' them or otherwise notice if they were to leave. Personally, I don't recall spending more than maybe a few months missing my friend after he took his own life. I was a kid and bounced back fairly quickly, and as an adult I wonder how long it'd take someone to move on. I fully understand it's a vastly different consideration, but I often compare it to a really significant breakup. You built a life around this person and then it's gone in a single day. My whole deal is that I never dwell on it too long. The other party will move on, find someone almost immediately and live their life with no concern for anything else. So that brings me to this topic. We all have people who say they'll miss us if we go, how do they know? Why would they care? If we mattered that much, why don't they call? (For me that's easy, I ghosted them all so they wouldn't miss me)

How long do you think it'll take your partner, or friends, or even family to move on? Based on what you know about them?
Example: My mother will move on immediately, that's just who she is. My father will make it all about himself and maybe my friend will remember me. But truth be told, based on my experiences, I foresee a lot of criticism in my decision to ctb. I anticipate a few snide remarks along the lines of "Of course he'd do this, always gotta be the center of attention."

So for those comfortable enough to share, how long do you think it'll take the people in your life to move on?

It's not that they need to move on. It's that the person CTB decided to move on from the BS IMO. They could have showed that they care and they don't (depending on the individual situations). They could have sat with you and shared opinions and listened to what you may or may not be feeling but they didn't. FUCK em. I think there is always a place to start anew. I also think when the world shuts you out it's time to go. Take a bow and leave the stage. You can "feel" when there is no more. You know when it's game over. ❤

 

[DemonicAngel]

My mother might care simply because at the end of the day I am her child, but she should also blame herself and I've told her that. Shes get all the attention she could out it, cry in public and put on a big show. But she's told me more than once that she did want me living. How she wished she would have used a clothes hanger and aborted me or when I told her that her actions drive me to feeling suicidal her response was "we'll go do it then"

My big brothers will be heartbroken. They practically raised me. One is 13 yrs older and one is 11 yrs older. Originally I was closer the oldest one but when I was 11 he moved away and got married.. (Now I only see him twice a year because he has 3 kids and a demanding job, but it's okay) The other brother could see how sad I was after the oldest moved so he stepped up. My oldest brother will be sad but he will get over it quick. I hardly see or talk to him as it is. The other brother I spend time with everyday he's my best friend(only friend). He's a big strong guy I've only seen him cry 1 time but I know if do this he will cry. Luckily he has a girlfrield who loves him who would help him heal as he did when her sister passed last year.

My cat..she would be scared and confused. She waits for me to wake up every morning. I don't know how she'd get through it...

 

[262653]

They'll feel bad after investing so much resources in me, but it would also free them space for self-care, maybe get to know themselves better... Or they'd just follow up. I don't know. I don't care. They can spin my suicide all the way they want to.

 

[whywere]

I guess, I must be the odd ball here. I have ZERO family and ZERO friends. I am being 100% honest. I have a living directive that states body given to local uni and any leftover funds donated to a couple of charities. No one, except here, knows and/or cares and the same will be applied afterwards. Walter

 

[LunarPyotr]

I think my grandma might take it really bad but my mother will probably forget really quickly since she has a bit of an alcohol problem.
When it comes to anyone else, I don't really know about how long it will take them to move on.
In all honestly though, I would only feel sorry for my friend but not really for my family.
They caused me so many problems and they treated me like shit till I moved out like 4 or 5 years ago

 

[gtrfvr]

Not long at all. I cut myself off from all but 1 family member. The remaining one is super-resilient and may be sad for a few hours but will bounce back.

 

[Endeavour]

I think about this and it makes me feel guilty causing someone else pain, but at the same time I don't really want to be here that's painful too.

It's a dilemma I struggle with.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

My mother committed suicide a year ago and my cousin recently family I don't think you move on it just gets a little easier everyday. Even close friends I don't think they will but in the end you can't live for the sake of others.

 

[May]

For me I think it would take everyone 6 to 12 months. They would never move on but just learn to live with it.

 

[Sensei]

I think it's wishful thinking to believe that people who are close to us will move on quickly. My family will definitely not move on quickly and they will never forget. The rest will probably do so fairly quickly, though.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

I think it's wishful thinking to believe that people who are close to us will move on quickly. My family will definitely not move on quickly and they will never forget. The rest will probably do so fairly quickly, though.

Is your name in reference to Kokoro by Natsume Soseki?

 

[Sensei]

Is your name in reference to Kokoro by Natsume Soseki?

No, there's no deeper meaning behind my user name, I'm afraid.

 

[Toptock]

I think it's wishful thinking to believe that people who are close to us will move on quickly. My family will definitely not move on quickly and they will never forget. The rest will probably do so fairly quickly, though.

How is it wishful thinking? Just because you have people doesn't mean everyone else does.

 

[loopylou]

My mother died three years ago yesterday was the anniversary. Still haven't ' moved on' or found it less painful, if anything, it's more painful now.
Father died 5 years ago. Anniversary was February. Still not ' moved on' it's still as painful as that day

 

[Apathy's Girl]

It has been 16 years (today) since my bestfriend killed himself. I think I finally finished grieving this year. Now it's not like I'm missing him but that I have an imaginary friend that is always with me.

 

[lofticries]

My mom suffers from mental problems of her own so I know it'll most likely send her into a breakdown. My dad would be sad but probably more ashamed (even more than he already is of me).

My fam on the both sides would mourn for like a few months but then get on with life considering I wasn't really close with any of them. Plus I was always quiet and shy around them so its not like it was this unexpected thing that I was unhappy.

 

[Lost10]

My parents won't, which kills me. I also feel bad for what my brother will go through. My husband will get over it no doubt and he's the one who should hurt the most.

 

[Nightwillalwayswin]

Mother will never move on. Brother and stepdad: year or two. Sister: a good few years. Friends: a few months. Nobody loves me romantically and nobody ever has.

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

My mother will never move on but maybe learn to live with it.
My dad maybe a year or two.

The others relatives wouldn't care much.

 

[DEARDEAD]

It sucks, it's the only thing keeping me from doing it. I don't want them to end up like me. Compared to other people, my family hasn't treated me that badly, except for a few times but that's not the main reason.
I know it would cost them too much to heal, they never would. My mom is very sensitive and after 13 years she still doesn't quite get over her brother's death. One day she asked me if I was going to do it or not so she could be prepared, I don't know what that means. For my dad it would be the worst but I know he is strong, I hope he gets over it. My brother wouldn't remember me if I did it right now, then I can't imagine how he would feel about it. My sister is hateful to me but we still have a "good" relationship, it would also take her a good while, I always express my wishes to her to end me but she just ignores it.
The rest of the immediate family would also suffer a lot. The few friends would take a little while but after that they will be fine.
P.S. My English is not very good, sorry.

 

[Lupgevif]

My parents will never move on. My friends will be impacted a lot, but they won't stop living their lives, so it's fine.

 

[Lucien]

I have waited enough, personally. It doesn't matter what they think. Life is a cesspool. My "self" is an animal's need for comfort, projected into the future and so is theirs. I am a biological automaton that turned out arrogant enough to think in this fashion. My shallow desire to exit is opposed by the need to avoid pain.

The final form of control over my life would be to cut it short. It will be like a graduation ceremony from this circus.