How long to wait to ctb after a special date for it to be less traumatizing?

[Gamja]

I had the opportunity and despair to ctb on new year's and christmas (i was all alone) but called it off in order not ruin someone's day.
Asking for your personal opinion — how many weeks after someone's birthday so they won't have to be reminded of the tragedy?
I'm afraid even the same month will be a constant reminder but I can't wait that long.
The birthday is next weekend and I want to be there for them one last time before I end my suffering.

 

[muffin222]

I don't know. I think it's traumatizing for people no matter the timing, honestly

 

[glittergore]

I don't think there's a particular number I can give you earnestly because it's going to be different for everyone. I can see some people being reminded just because it is an important date and they wish they could've shared it with you. However, I have the same concerns, so I do plan to put a month between any of those types of dates. For some people in my life, this may not even be enough, but I'm hoping it will reduce the probability of them being reminded. I apologize for not being able to provide a more conclusive answer.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I was chatting with @Illias just a few hours ago about this.

My birthday is coming up soon and I don't know which would cause less hurt - before or after my 50th birthday (That number can't possibly right!?).

On one hand, they're going to be hurt absolutely on any date so just do it and perhaps try to leave something in your note that they can keep as a good memory or story from you so they also think about that when they think of you.

On the other hand, you could wait six months, close your eyes and pick a random date on the calendar and do it then.

I'm not sure what I will do. I'm with you as you struggle through it.

 

[Gamja]

Thank you all for your answers!

I was chatting with @Illias just a few hours ago about this.

My birthday is coming up soon and I don't know which would cause less hurt - before or after my 50th birthday (That number can't possibly right!?).

On one hand, they're going to be hurt absolutely on any date so just do it and perhaps try to leave something in your note that they can keep as a good memory or story from you so they also think about that when they think of you.

On the other hand, you could wait six months, close your eyes and pick a random date on the calendar and do it then.

I'm not sure what I will do. I'm with you as you struggle through it.

my birthday is in a little over 6 months and would be a good date but it was already excruciating to get through this day.
I hope I can muster the strength to make it to October or November.
I likely won't have a note.

Wishing you the best and a happy birthday when that day comes

 

[rt1989526]

At some point you'll just say fuck it, it's about you and ending your suffering. If you have a loved one with a birthday in each quarter of the year you'll never be able to do it lol

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Thank you all for your answers!


my birthday is in a little over 6 months and would be a good date but it was already excruciating to get through this day.
I hope I can muster the strength to make it to October or November.
I likely won't have a note.

Wishing you the best and a happy birthday when that day comes ❤

Thank you. You too. Please reconsider the note. If you have a relatively good relationship with them and don't want to hurt them. A note will be something from your heart that they will keep forever and show them that this decision revolves around them and your love for them. I don't want to write the (probably) dozen emails I need to send but I don't want to leave them thinking my suicide was a "f*ck you" to them. Maybe I'm rambling. i'm still trying to work this all out right now.

 

[Worndown]

I would guess a minimum of 3 weeks. Trauma wil happen, but that might move it far enough from a specific date to not ruin it forever.

 

[AlreadyGone]

At some point you'll just say fuck it, it's about you and ending your suffering. If you have a loved one with a birthday in each quarter of the year you'll never be able to do it lol

This. It will be traumatizing no matter when you do it.

 

[Alexa]

My uncle ctb q week before my birthday. So ig I can say from experience. I'd wait like a 2-4 weeks maybe?

 

[TAW122]

It varies from each individual to individual and like @muffin222 mentioned, it is always traumatic for anyone, no matter when (especially someone who is close, e.g. family member). My personal take is that if I am going, then I am going, regardless of whether it is NYD (New Year's Day), Xmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, etc. The only thing that I factor in is whether that particular day proves to be impossible (logistics or lack of availability, circumstance).

 

[draw a circle]

If it were up to me I'd kill myself right on my birthday for ironic purposes lol. Can't do that tho bc I spent the day with people all day but I don't think the date you choose in regard to holidays will change anything

 

[Apathy's Girl]

For me three weeks is what I plan.

 

[MartyByrde]

This is splitting hairs. Suicide is traumatizing 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I appreciate the desire to make ot less traumatizing, but I highly doubt that's possible. Sure hasn't made a difference with those I know who have been impacted by it, including myself.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I think they will always be reminded, even if you left it months between their birthday or Christmas, it'll be a birthday or Christmas without you. There is no escaping that.

 

[Worndown]

I think they will always be reminded, even if you left it months between their birthday or Christmas, it'll be a birthday or Christmas without you. There is no escaping that.

Agreed. If you can move your date a few weeks away from these traditional "family" events, you will lessen the long term impact. That is about all we can hope for.

 

[alexit]

I like the idea of CTBing on your birthday. Seems appropriate and if you're worried about traumatising others you've reduced to 1 day.

 

[Shades of Grey]

I like the idea of CTBing on your birthday. Seems appropriate and if you're worried about traumatising others you've reduced to 1 day.

I've actually often thought this. I have a difficult time with both the birthdays and death dates of the loved ones I've lost to suicide. If I check out on my birthday, that cuts down on the number of anniversary-type dates people will have to deal with if they're bothered by that sort of thing.

 

[MideonNViscera]

I had the opportunity and despair to ctb on new year's and christmas (i was all alone) but called it off in order not ruin someone's day.
Asking for your personal opinion — how many weeks after someone's birthday so they won't have to be reminded of the tragedy?
I'm afraid even the same month will be a constant reminder but I can't wait that long.
The birthday is next weekend and I want to be there for them one last time before I end my suffering.

My step mom's son died a few years ago. Not suicide, but he was way too young, and it was really tragic.

The date he died is a tough day for her, so is his birthday, so is Christmas. I don't think it really matters. When you expected someone to be there every day, you will miss them every day.

 

[Banshee]

The beautiful thing about being dead is that ruining someone's day would be irrelevant because you won't have the sad feeling of ruining someone's day because you'll be dead.

 

[tilly17]

I had the opportunity and despair to ctb on new year's and christmas (i was all alone) but called it off in order not ruin someone's day.
Asking for your personal opinion — how many weeks after someone's birthday so they won't have to be reminded of the tragedy?
I'm afraid even the same month will be a constant reminder but I can't wait that long.
The birthday is next weekend and I want to be there for them one last time before I end my suffering.

That's the same reason I waited till after Christmas but can't wait much longer . Truthfully, any time will always be a reminder no matter what time of year. But the Holidays I think are the hardest for people to lose loved ones.