how long have you felt depressed/suicidal?

[faunaaaa]

Since I was about 9. I remember having my first suicidal thoughts then. I pushed them down until my teens and now my depression is unbearable at 21 aaa

 

[FinalDestiny]

My first suicide attempt was about 6 years old. I was in a really bad place, and alone.

I stupidly (or luckily depending on your outlook) tried to overdose on tylenol. Learned that otc pills are coated in some substance that forces you to puke.

Down side, I took so much that my liver was damaged for a while.

I've been on and off depressed since then.
I've only recently really identified myself as suicidal again. Maybe within the last couple months.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

Since about 6, before I fully understood what death was. I knew I wanted to disappear, go to sleep and never wake up.

 

[starryeyedgemini]

On and off the last 10 years it's mainly relationship break ups that trigger them off for me. It's stressful enough being a single parent in this screwed up world

 

[outrider567]

1/24/22

 

[QuietLake]

It's crazy it's been so long. My anxiety cemented itself when I was about 12 and the depression followed.

 

[Starryeyes]

Since 17.12.2015.

 

[Hirokami]

I'd wager since I was 14, though I wasn't clinically diagnosed until 16. So, I'd say I've been on-and-off depressed for 12 to 14 years.

 

[Eternaloblivionplea]

8 years

 

[Forever Sleep]

For 32 years- since I was 10 years old. The intensity has gone up and down but it's never gone away. Wonder how many people live their whole lives just wanting it to be over.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Suicidal on and off for atleast 13 years and depressed for most of my life on some level.

 

[samishii]

Since I was 6, I am 19 now.

 

[Slimetae]

Since 8 now I'm 20 so a long time

 

[Medicmedic72]

From birth

 

[apple2myeye!]

i've always had suicidal thoughts, but i became actively suicidal in july of 2019. i think it was july 20th...? maybe a little earlier.

 

[Judy Garland]

For over 20 years.

 

[t0rmented]

on and off for the past 10 years.

 

[idonthavetobehere]

Since I was 13. (2004). I tried CTB when I was 13 years old but just passed out and got my stomach pumped. I've had failed attempts before and now I've found this place. So, the next time I won't fail. (Hopefully) with SN.

 

[Sslsh]

I remember attempting at 21. Been having issues since 13. The oldest "I think I'll kms someday" thought I have is from when I was 16.

 

[thereisthemist]

2006/7 - 2015 childhood trauma
2011 anxiety, self cutting
2015 came out and began my journey of "the gay life"
2016 depression suicidal thoughts
2017 college begins, diagnosed, crazy meds trials
2018 self sexual abuse, suspension
2022 drop out

 

[LucieInTheDark]

I remember being a very sad little kid. I never had friends or people to talk to in elementary school. I cried almost every day because of the loneliness, and because I felt my body and existence itself as something very alien and tiring, not to mention people thought I was a gifted kid, skipped a year and started having perfect grades and people started having unrealistic expectations of me. I remember crying one night and praying to God to please take me away from this painful life when I was around 8 years old. Nowadays I'm burnt out, I have no talents or skills and I'm overall very exhausted all the time. Medication is the only thing that keeps me going

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I've had periods of depression occasionally throughout my life, but most of the ones early on were fairly short-lived, probably because back then, I felt like there was a good chance that life could get better for me, but it's been 4 years now, since the depression and thoughts of suicide became a constant thing.

 

[ATM]

Since April this year.
Came here to get the info thinking it would be easy to CTB but it's not.
I feel I'm living a nightmare and it's horrible.

 

[Lilpuppadawg]

Since 12, I am 30 almost 31 now. Things got better only to get worse. 2020 start of new decline. I try, try, try, I can't get help, not for lack of trying

 

[DontplayGod]

I started feeling the effects of depression at 8 years old, I was always the kid that never went out to play and slept in til noon everyday, I had over 100 tardies each year up until 7th grade. Suicidal ideation came to me around 5th grade so I was 10-11ish always thought about using my pocket knife from scouts to stab myself in the chest. I don't think that would have been very pretty looking back lol. Depression that young really ducks with you, I never really had a chance to enjoy life as a normal person. Must've been fate I suppose

 

[outatime_85]

Almost two decades.

I did not understand the thoughts I had when I was very young, nor why.

Now I kind of do, since I am no longer self-medicating.

That said, I am still trying to come to grips with what I think is the causation of these thoughts while also trying each day to be at peace with the outcome of my thoughts, even if they lead to my demise.

 

[YC&^93qoVF*e]

apologies if this has been discussed one too many times, but I'm curious. personally I've not wanted to exist anymore since I was 11, and I'm 21 now. the feelings have just escalated, with 4-6 months of continued, linear happiness within that time period (around when I was 16) how about y'all?

if i may ask, what went so horribly wrong at such a young age?

 

[Viafactorum]

Personally I am not depressed, but I am suicidal. I think I lost my way in life when I was 17. I stopped caring about the process and just did things just for the sake of it. I think my passion was finally ripped out of me via the standardized education system. There was no particular point in my past where I had a sudden epiphany, just a slow burning realization that there was nothing in this world that I wanted to achieve. I pushed on till now by lying to myself that travelling or making my parents proud is my reason for living but honestly I have no reason. I love nobody, I don't have any friends, and I don't have the motivation to continue on. I see my peers strive forward in life with high levels of motivation and I find myself being envious of them. I do the same thing they do(sometimes even better than them) but I feel empty. I wake up feeling stressed about things that I don't care about and I grieve for people and places that I have no deep connection to. I let opportunities to be happy slip away because frankly I feel nothing anymore. Even after saying all this I can't exactly describe my state of mind. Emptiness isn't the right word, more like paralysis?

 

[BasqueClown]

I always been a shy girl, only circus cheered me in My first years, then adolescence and all struggles for being the gothic or isolated in high school
Then I met my best friend, we had a good relationship and she helped me to accept my sexuality, so in adolescence wasn't too depressing
Unfortunately my best friend died when I was 21 years old and I began my depression being acute, first suicidal thoughts in that period but no attempt
I graduate for college, then unemployment hitted me and I was demotivated until my travel to Brazil
My ex fiancee was a narcissistic mean and aggressive person only when I started to leave with her and depression peaked a lot
Have my first attempt because of her and I decided to broke up and run away
My depression still high, I still have suicidal thoughts and when I remember the abuse episode I worsened
Today for example I woke up with desires of dying
I'm in treatment but I don't know if I can overcome this