How long have you been depressed for?

[Mendmywings7]

I'm 27, female, had severe depression since about 6 years ago and getting progressively worse. Also been an addict since I was 15.

If you feel suicidal, how long have you felt that way and do you feel like that every day?

I've always described it like this. If a genie were to give me three wishes, no matter what day it was or what was happening, death would be one of my wishes, no questions asked. The only difference between a good day and a bad day would be if it was wish number one or wish number three.

A whimsical way to (terribly) convey a haunting and soul crushing and heart wrenching unhappiness. Something to counteract the abject misery ever present in every moment of existence even when I'm in love and I'm not sick or in pain like I am most of the time, even then I just want it all to end so desperately

Much love to anyone reading this who feels depressed and suicidal and is having to deal with this too

 

[Marchioness]

My parents were two people who should have never had kids. I'm going to say I was around 9yrs old and I stared at my reflection in the dishwasher at night with a kitchen knife in one hand and yelling crying. I was alone in the house.

 

[greebo6]

Most of my adult life to varying degrees.

 

[itachi of death]

Im 26 started when I was 12 or 13, my stepfather was a mental abuser,he spit in my food and put salt in my hair while I slept and no one ever believed me,called me a liar and got scolded for it,but all of his family and most of mine,and that started from ages 8-15 and it was terrible and diagnosed with clinc depression and bipolor at 11 ,so I really don't know what life is like not depressed tbh

 

[BPD Barbie]

I took my first overdose at 14 and was depressed a few years before that, but around this age I started getting sexually abused. I've been depressed pretty much since that time. I'm 30 now and have had more unsuccessful attempts since that first one.
I wouldn't say I feel suicidal every day, sometimes it's in the back of my mind just quietly waiting for an opportunity to rear its head, but it always comes back. Also, any small inconvenience or anything happens I always turn to suicide to cope.

 

[TheSomebody]

since age 13, but it was still bearable. I didn't become suicidal until I was 17 ~ 18, which is when my life started to get worse. Nowadays, every year is worse than its predecessor and it will remain so until I make a final decision.

 

[these_days9]

It's been about 20 years now. I always had suicide on the mind, but I'd say it only started to be a constant within the last 5 years or so. You can only take so much time of here's hoping something changes...before you just accept the answer that will actually work and makes the most sense.

Sorry you deal with this too <3. I would never wish this experience on my worst enemies.

 

[Leshen]

Over 20 years, I think. Once I was forced to go to school everything just fell apart.

 

[hypnotizing chickens]

Yes

 

[NightmareTour]

I'm going to say probably from age 9 or 10, so 13-14 years. It's definitely been there the whole time, it's just gotten worse over the years along with my physical health and the things that have happened.

 

[WaitingWesting]

Ive known since my first memories that i did not belong nor deserve the hand i was delt in this life. Like the universe made some foul mistake in putting a gental soul through tge depths of depravity ive experienced. My first real and true suicide attempt was at 7yo i stole 8 soma muscle relaxer pills from my heroine adict father and took them. I saw a glimpse of death but was yanked back. I was in a coma for 2 days having grandmalls n when i woke up it was a week before i could walk. No one even asked me why i did what i did. Before this i vaugly remember swallowing random things in hopes i would die like pennies, gum, pins, anything with seeds hopping a tree would actually grow out of me.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

Probably for as long as I can remember. I've never felt like I've belonged here.

 

[Good4Nothing]

All my life. Physically abused until my mom left my father when I was 3, then psychologically and emotionally abused by the asshole she married.

 

[Tasdevil]

for around 25 years possibly longer but the last 10 years have been horrible.

 

[franklynlb]

Diagnosed by an actual shrink 3 years ago, but tbh, i have no idea, i started having issues about relating to ppl, or self harming or suicidal thoughts around 16 years ago... so i wouldn't know...

 

[k75]

So complicated.

About 15 years. It's hard to really say for sure, since I kept things pretty bottled up for the first several. So I wasn't feeling it as much. About 6 years ago my mind just broke, and I've been unable to escape it since.

I've been passively suicidal for less, but again, it's really hard to say how long. I'm good at denial and avoidance. I've only been in danger of actually acting on my urges for a couple of years. About a year and a half ago was the first time I remember having concrete plans. It's much worse now.

 

[Ghost2211]

Earliest memories are depression. I can be happy I'm just not a baseline happy person.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

16 years the 26th of this month. Very specific, I know.

I was 7 years old.

 

[muffin222]

I've been depressed since age 11 or 12, so about 11 years, give or take

 

[исчезающий]

[QUOTE = "BPD Barbie, postagem: 938186, membro: 12615"]
Tomei minha primeira overdose aos 14 e fiquei deprimido alguns anos antes, mas nessa idade comecei a ser abusada sexualmente. Tenho estado bastante deprimido desde aquela época. Estou com 30 anos agora e tive mais tentativas sem sucesso desde a primeira.
Eu não diria que me sinto suicida todos os dias, às vezes isso está no fundo da minha mente apenas esperando silenciosamente por uma oportunidade para levantar sua cabeça, mas sempre volta. Além disso, qualquer pequeno inconveniente ou qualquer coisa que aconteça, sempre recorro ao suicídio para lidar com isso.
[/ CITAR]
I feel the same way, there are days when I feel a little better, but when I'm fine, something bad happens that makes me sick again, and I go crazy in search of suicide ... And just like you said, I also believe that these suicidal thoughts are just kept in our heads. I feel that someday these thoughts will end up consuming me completely (especially if something a little more serious happens).

 

[dropdeadfred]

Since age 11. I am now 32 & have felt suicidal everyday since the beginning of September.

 

[Yiyo123]

I'm almost 49 and been suffering from
severe depression and anxiety for so many years. I just lost count. My wife is my tutor and never leave my side. Soo it's been some time since I tried to kill myself. But i think about it every day. I I feel suicidal all the time. I always wish before bedtime that i'll be my last... but God's will and my wife are always watching over me. Sorry if I misspell something... English is not
my primary language.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Been depressed and suicidal since about age 13 or 14 and I'm in late 20s now

 

[voidman]

On and off for 7 years

 

[darkness falls]

Hey I'm so sorry you're going through this shit.I feel awful. My depression began when I hit puberty and knew I was gay. There was no denying it. It intensified when I told someone I trusted that I liked them and everyone found out. Brought a whole new meaning to bullying. I was a kid.... I didn't know any better.

I'm now 40. I think my depression is tempered a bit by my anger at the injustice of it all. If that makes any sense.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I feel like I've been depressed for my entire conscious life but the earliest significant event was probably when my parents first separated when I was 11.

 

[Forgotten]

A decade ago or so, but it was around 7 years ago when depression hit me so hard that my brain and overall personality just started deteriorating to a point of no return.

 

[AJ95]

It feels like forever to be honest, I can't remember what it feels like anymore to be happy.

I'm 24 now and I'd say the real clinical depression set in around 10 or 11 years ago now, back when I was starting secondary school.

 

[albino_elk]

Im 26 started when I was 12 or 13, my stepfather was a mental abuser,he spit in my food and put salt in my hair while I slept and no one ever believed me,called me a liar and got scolded for it,but all of his family and most of mine,and that started from ages 8-15 and it was terrible and diagnosed with clinc depression and bipolor at 11 ,so I really don't know what life is like not depressed tbh

Jesus what an asshole whattt

 

[RottenDeer]

Good question. I would say for at least 10 years.