How long does CTB affect others?

[hwaiting]

I've posted before about being better, but there's a question I've had for a while. I know responses will be varied since everyone reacts to things differently, but now long do you think about someone after they're gone? I've always imagined that it would hurt at first, but over time, they'd think about me less and less until I become an afterthought and they can move on with their lives. Duh, that's how memory works, right? The only losses I've experienced have been friends of friends and grandparents, and I still think about my grandma every so often. But I've never gone through a deeply personal loss, so I don't have a frame of reference.

One of the main things that has kept me here has been imagining my loved ones' reactions when I'm gone. But how bad is it, and for how long?

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Depends on how much they like you

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

Grief can manifest itself in endless different ways, there's no fixed time for the duration of its affect

 

[Gotstobegoodstuff]

if your parents loved you, I hear the grief of loosing a child is like a gaping hole in their chest that never goes. Like a meth addict that was addicted for 5+ years and can't get their fix on that day - I've heard these 2 feeling are quite similar. With a close friend it'll will probably be half as bad, but since I lack the experience all this is hypothetical on my end or from something I've heard on other peoples experiences

 

[an3]

I imagine it would depend on who is around you and in your life and would affect everyone differently, but I am like yourself and haven't had anyone pass around me other than a grandparent or friend of a friend so who knows

 

[ShesNotThere]

I had a close friend CTB in June last year.

We used to talk on the phone for hours and tell each other everything.

I still think about him every day, and it hasn't gotten any easier.

 

[GasMonkey]

I had a close friend CTB in June last year.

What method did he/she use? Was a SaSu member?

 

[Viranamari]

Depends on your relationship with that person and how close you are to them. For instance, if you have a good connection with your parents, they would inevitably be mourning a lot. It also depends on how strong they are mentally. But, I do agree with you. After a few months or even years of mourning, I'm sure that if they are mentally strong and if I'm not too close to them, they'll simply move on.

 

[ShesNotThere]

What method did he/she use? Was a SaSu member?

Yes.

We met on here in 2020.

I have a new account because I lost access to my old account.

He used SN.

 

[WonderfulWeatherDIE]

Yes.

We met on here in 2020.

I have a new account because I lost access to my old account.

He used SN.

Ah im very sorry for your loss, that must really suck shit
But in the end it was his decision and you have to accept it, perhaps his suffering was just too high to bear
To OP, well for me I think people would forget about me in like a month at most lol

 

[manta]

It depends on how close you are. From what I've observed it's pretty devastating to loved ones, they're never the same again

 

[Grav]

Like others said, it depends. I think one of the factors is your state of mind as they saw it. My father died when I was 13 and I didn't like him so I never think much of him, definitely no tears ever. My mom died 6 years ago but she was in constant pain and went through a lot of bs, so while I miss seeing her it was a relief that she was finally pain free; I wasn't really sad but my siblings were really hit. Eventually the pain of your loss will fade but the memory of you will be around until those who knew you are no longer. Some will forget faster than others, parents probably are the last. This is something I'm wrestling with, one person in particular, and it makes a ctb decision harder.

 

[Keepuperer]

It's probably worth noting that suicide can act like something of a social contagion within groups and that this is true of families. This has led to some evidence that suicide "runs in families."

There's some debate over whether this is simply due to the fact that a cause for suicide affecting one person will probably also be true of their siblings and so on, ala mental health disorders or adverse childhood experiences. An abusive dad probably isn't going to stop at just one of his kids, right? With that said, there is a considerable amount of evidence that simply having a friend or family member commit suicide increases one's risk of suicide. This is called suicide contagion and while some studies on the phenomenon conclude more research is necessary, it probably stands to reason that having a friend or relative kill themselves is going to fuck up your mood a little.

You can read a little more about the phenomenon here, and there are obviously gonna be thousands of results via engines like google scholar, but something to keep in mind is that the focus of this research is usually on teen suicide clusters - like, one kid in the school kills himself and within a year another kid will attempt, etc.

I don't say this to fearmonger or whatever, but part of making informed decisions means due consideration of the consequences, y'know?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

For the rest of their lives. Not necessarily the same intensity throughout.

 

[thereisnomeaning]

It really depends
I've lost a child once, and though I think less and less about it, it doesn't seem like something that goes away
I'll always have the little voice saying "what if she was here? How would this be?"
I think if they truly loved the person who CTB it will have an effect that could last their whole lives, but I also don't like thinking about this

 

[Néncel]

I dont think it ever disappears If you really loved the person in question. It might fade a little bit with time, but the feeling of grief may also resurface with more intensity after some years. I dont think grief is a linear feeling that gets perpetually better the more time passes. You learn to endure it, to distract yourself or to accept it, but you never stop mourning the person.

 

[FuneralCry]

Questions like this just depend on the individual, but the fact is that whatever happens in this world after we are gone could never be our concern as we won't be there at that point. We all have to die and lose everything someday and eventually we won't even likely exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here.

 

[arcadia]

I mean it'll never go away if you're important to them. The grief wont be as poignant as it was initially, and eventually they'll most likely return to their normal lives, but waves of sadness will hit them every now and then, and they'll never really be the same.

 

[lessthanperfect]

For people who truly care, grief can last a lifetime. For those who don't, it can be gone in a week. It's also important to remember that grief is very different than anger at the person for choosing to CTB, as we can only assume they were in enough pain to go and made the decision after much thoughtfulness and weighing the pros and cons.

For me, I feel little to no empathy for dead people. I wish I were them. Sometimes I miss people, but that isn't necessarily the same as wanting them back in their own living hell and disrespecting their choice to CTB.

Dead people have what I want. But sometimes, I selfishly want them to be here, not for their sake, but for mine, because I miss them.

My grandfather chose to die. He didn't CTB necessarily; he just quit taking the medications he was given while hospitalized and dying of COVID-19.

Do I sometimes wish I could see him? Yes. But it's important to remember that he was in pain and wanted to be free from it, which I respect. I would feel much worse if he was still alive and still living a painful existence just because I asked him to.

I miss people who died while wishing they could live much more. I want people to be happy, and if that means staying alive, which I personally can't imagine wanting, I want them to have the choice. Equally, if someone wants to die, regardless of whether I'll miss them, I want them to have the choice.

Most people in my life would barely miss me. My sister and my best friend would probably miss me every day. My mom thinks she would miss me, but she'd really just miss the fake image she set up of a happy, healthy little girl that she's been holding on to since I was a teenager and she realized I'm transmasc and depressed. All of her friends would feel the same ("so so sad, poor girl.............. ANYWAYS, how did your tennis match go?") and think they care without really, so they'd probably think about me for about 5 minutes once a year and move on with their lives immediately. I hope my dad would miss me, but I don't know him well enough to say for sure and he talks more to my mom about me than he does to me.

 

[hellispink]

it depends who they are as person. Most won't give a shit and will go happy about their lives. But at least one person will suffer like hell. But eventually they will smile again.

 

[DeathToSpiesSMERSH]

It's been almost 6 years since my Dad took his life and it still haunts me greatly. I try to put on a brave face a lot of the time, but internally it burns me up.

 

[sheepgirl]

I dunno but my sister died 23 years ago and my mum still struggles. Losing someone to suicide would probably be even worse than a physical illness

 

[charlotte_]

It really depends on how close you are. But since it is death caused by suicide, the pain will probably be more intense for people who love you.