Venting How is it so hard to connect with people?

[struggles_inc]

I have zero explanation for my loneliness at this point. I feel like people avoid me like the plague.

I try to be open, easygoing. I never give off suicidal vibes. I invite to home parties and cook meals. What the fuck do they need to just invite me back somewhere? To just talk to me? It's so one-sided and I'm very disappointed.

Someone might say I try too much. When I don't, I'm just invisible, a ghost to everyone.

A person from my social circle called me a show-off. Why the fuck would they do that? Because I gave them a present and they thought that was a flex of some sort? What the hell?

I give up. I don't understand people. I'm not made for human interaction.
Nobody tells me what I've done wrong. People are rude, but they don't even bother to explain why. And I genuinely don't understand.

I really need help with this.

 

[helpmecatchthebus]

Move to a different neighborhood

 

[AgentAlaniKelso]

I recognize this is probably a little... weird... but... have you considered volunteering? Like volunteering with an organization that has an opportunity that really coincides with your strengths (are you good at organization? are you a good with directing people? can you just get shit done? Can you organize chaos!? are you an excel whiz?).

I volunteered as a board member for a local non-profit and it has done a world of good for me. The feeling I get when I see how much these people value ME is something I've never experienced in my life. Knowing that I am NEEDED by the organization, that I am WANTED at the table, and that my fellow board members VALUE ME has given me purpose.

The best thing about volunteering is how much you are valued. The smiles you get from the people you volunteer with and for is a blessing. The hugs, the "thank yous", the feeling of purpose... it checked all the boxes for me. Maybe it will for you?

 

[Pinkliquid12]

It's important to not take this sort of rejection personally!! Obsessing over what you're doing wrong is easy when you're desperate and lonely. People can be selfish, or tired, or have a lot on their plate. They might already have plenty of relationships and don't feel the need to invest in the one they have with you. I personally always feel like I've shown up late to a party and literally everyone's already found someone to talk to. It really is so exhausting and discouraging. Since I'm in the same boat I can't really give advice other than to not force it. People notice your desperation and get uncomfortable. If you're otherwise a ghost then it really is just time to move on, even if you don't have other options, you're just gonna keep frustrating yourself and feeling bad. Idk what that person that accused you of "flexing" is on, but they sound insecure lol

 

[blacksand]

that kind of loneliness is like a deep freeze that you somehow know will never thaw out after a certain point. I've felt that for many many years. You know its bad when you keep replaying a conversation from 5 years ago as the last time you felt a connection with someone.

 

[Worndown]

You need better friends.

 

[derpyderpins]

I have zero explanation for my loneliness at this point. I feel like people avoid me like the plague.

I try to be open, easygoing. I never give off suicidal vibes. I invite to home parties and cook meals. What the fuck do they need to just invite me back somewhere? To just talk to me? It's so one-sided and I'm very disappointed.

Someone might say I try too much. When I don't, I'm just invisible, a ghost to everyone.

This is a tough one. Sorry it has been so rough. I've felt like the outsider plenty of times in life. Made a post about it a while ago. I was always the one who had to push or initiate and wouldn't be included unless numbers required it.

A person from my social circle called me a show-off. Why the fuck would they do that? Because I gave them a present and they thought that was a flex of some sort? What the hell?

People can be petty and jealous. I also imagine that really wanting to have friends probably gives off similar vibes to someone who is desperate in dating, you know? It's weird.

Personally, presents make me a little uncomfortable because it feels like a debt has been formed, but I wouldn't call you a show-off unless it was in a very joking way and we had established that being flashy was part of your personality. (In a good way.) Tone matters. I could see someone getting a gift and saying to the person giving the gift: "get a load of this guy! What a show-off, spoiling his friends like this. No, but seriously, though, thank you." But actually saying it in an angry way just tells me they're not a good match for friendship.

I give up. I don't understand people. I'm not made for human interaction.
Nobody tells me what I've done wrong. People are rude, but they don't even bother to explain why. And I genuinely don't understand.

I really need help with this.

People are hard to understand sometimes. It's important to remember we all have our issues and problems. They are being rude and not explaining themselves . . . maybe it makes them anxious, or they feel guilty. Speculation isn't worth the time. The important thing is to accept, "alright these people are not cut-out to be my long-term friends."

I said up front I was the outsider many times. Well, now I'm older and have finally settled in where I know who my friends are. I've purposefully narrowed the list to not have to juggle too much, but I've got a handful of people I trust and who I intend to be friends with long-term. One thing that strikes me as being important is that - like you - I'm the type of person who needs a friend who can tell me honestly when something annoys or upsets them, explain why, and give me a chance to fix it. All of them fit that category. Took a long time to find them.