How important is outer appearance for you when looking for a partner?

[noname223]

I am more or less satisfied with my outer appearance. My body is not the reason why I cannot find a partner it is my ruined brain and my mental illnesses. I think even if I fixed some issues that I don't fully like I would not find a partner. When I was an insecure teenager I thought maybe with some enhancements I had a way better chance when looking for a partner. I think this was naive. One should have a lot of contact to the other sex and this often gives you opportunities. I think also men who are not considered as beautiful can find under the right circumstances a partner. (but it can be way harder of course) The person needs to have high self-esteem, be a good communicator maybe witty humor. On the other hand what do I know I could also be wrong. But I have seen men who did not fulfil beauty norms and found a significant other. So it does not seem to be impossible. But my social awkwardness, low social skills and my sick overthinking brain makes it for me nearly impossible to find someone.


But now to the core of the question. I recognized that outer appearance is sometimes pretty deceiving. When I see someone who I consider good looking it invokes interest to know more about the person. I think the brain associates good looking people with positive personality traits which is completely wrong. (at least according to my experience) I wanted to know more about some women also because their outer appearance was attractive for me. But damn some of these women had an horrible character. I mean this can also be true for good looking men. I just want to point out there is no causation/correlation between these two variables.

I think I have a strong desire for finding a partner. But I would not take anyone just to have one. Some people seem to have this goal no matter what. Personally I think when the chemistry does not match there is no reason for a relationship. Maybe you can still go for friends with benefits in this scenario though. I think when I was younger outer appearance was more important for me. Now I evaluate the character as far more important. But I still think when I absolutely don't like the outer appearance of the other person this could be detrimental for a relationship.


I think outer appearance of the partner is not that important for me. But all these thoughts are kind of hypothetical for me. My ill brain destroyed every attempt to find a partner anyway.

What is your opinion on that? And how do you think do average people evaluate this factor?

 

[jodes2]

Outer appearance has always been important to me, (41m) but character has also become important recently

 

[Maudlin]

That has always depended on why I want the relationship.
Sometimes I wanted to be challenged intellectually, sometimes I wanted a vapid toy on my arm.
Sometimes I just got a barbed hook in my heart, and didn't have much say in the matter.

On the whole, the entire package is worth more than the sum of its' parts, in relationships.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Not very important to me, maybe I'm lucky to be physically attracted to most people. That doesn't mean I care when I have a partner either, it's the opposite, I only find my partner attractive and care even less about everyone else then. My brain isn't tricked into thinking that appearances make somebody a good or bad partner or a particular type of person. People that care about looks make the worst and most toxic partners in my experience, actually, so I'd prefer to find someone that's like me. That type of person still thinks I'm good looking, but its not all they talk about.

 

[VirtualSnow]

Too much sadly, if a relationship depends fully on the physical, does it have any value at all?

 

[lofticries]

I've been attracted to men who some wouldn't look twice at. And I've been put off by irl gq model type men. With me it's all about what kind of vibe I get from them. Of course i draw the line with men that are too young or too old for me.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

For me not as much compared to how you are as a person. I value a connection more than anything - though it's hard to find someone looking for the same thing I am. Not that it much matters anymore, but I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic, and that longing never truly goes away.

 

[Zegers]

Physical appearance is important because its your image, its the impression you give, its the package of a product but i think society gives it too much importance.

 

[makethepainstop]

I am more or less satisfied with my outer appearance. My body is not the reason why I cannot find a partner it is my ruined brain and my mental illnesses. I think even if I fixed some issues that I don't fully like I would not find a partner. When I was an insecure teenager I thought maybe with some enhancements I had a way better chance when looking for a partner. I think this was naive. One should have a lot of contact to the other sex and this often gives you opportunities. I think also men who are not considered as beautiful can find under the right circumstances a partner. (but it can be way harder of course) The person needs to have high self-esteem, be a good communicator maybe witty humor. On the other hand what do I know I could also be wrong. But I have seen men who did not fulfil beauty norms and found a significant other. So it does not seem to be impossible. But my social awkwardness, low social skills and my sick overthinking brain makes it for me nearly impossible to find someone.


But now to the core of the question. I recognized that outer appearance is sometimes pretty deceiving. When I see someone who I consider good looking it invokes interest to know more about the person. I think the brain associates good looking people with positive personality traits which is completely wrong. (at least according to my experience) I wanted to know more about some women also because their outer appearance was attractive for me. But damn some of these women had an horrible character. I mean this can also be true for good looking men. I just want to point out there is no causation/correlation between these two variables.

I think I have a strong desire for finding a partner. But I would not take anyone just to have one. Some people seem to have this goal no matter what. Personally I think when the chemistry does not match there is no reason for a relationship. Maybe you can still go for friends with benefits in this scenario though. I think when I was younger outer appearance was more important for me. Now I evaluate the character as far more important. But I still think when I absolutely don't like the outer appearance of the other person this could be detrimental for a relationship.


I think outer appearance of the partner is not that important for me. But all these thoughts are kind of hypothetical for me. My ill brain destroyed every attempt to find a partner anyway.

What is your opinion on that? And how do you think do average people evaluate this factor?

A good appearance, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder! No matter what you look like, someone out there will like you. So, you see your appearance is not yours to judge, but for the one that likes you to decide if it's acceptable.

 

[whatevs]

This has to be at least 60% important for me. I'm not even looking to lose my virginity or get a gf, but if I was I would aim for someone that gets my genitalia going. Just common sense.

Not to mention that even if you become someone more interested in the mind and personality of people like I have, if you start something with someone that doesn't make you horny you will get in trouble when the other person has sexual needs.

A good appearance, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder! No matter what you look like, someone out there will like you. So, you see your appearance is not yours to judge, but for the one that likes you to decide if it's acceptable.

This is false to a relevant degree. Beauty is mostly defined evolutionarily, almost nobody is going to find a short person with a crooked back beautiful (physically). Beauty can be always calculated using age and things like skeletal structure, fullness of the lips, facial symmetry, overall health...

Psychological beauty on the other hand, is more subjective.

Too much sadly, if a relationship depends fully on the physical, does it have any value at all?

Yep, the same value than food would have I guess. Just a need met.

 

[Blondi]

Looks are the most important thing for me , by far(atleast 95 percent).

 

[Rocinante]

Looks = life

 

[Lupgevif]

First and foremost I think I don't have very high beauty standards. I feel attracted to a very wide range of people. In high school I fell in love with a girl who I didn't find attractive at all at first, all my subsequent crushes have traits I can list that made me attracted to them that wasn't their appearance. I think looks will just point me to the person, but it won't dictate whether I pursue a relationship with them or not.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

It truly depends. Sometimes someone's personality is so spectacular that it makes them outwardly beautiful.
I do have to be drawn to them in physically, but if that comes via their personality, I'm totally okay with that.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Important enough, but attraction is actually complicated for me. I've rarely been truly attracted to someone enough to even form a crush—physically or otherwise. I'm a case where I could recognize someone as beautiful, average, or unfortunate, but it'd be on completely objective terms until I click with them. It's not just about their personality, but the connection and vibe.

That said, they still have to meet certain physical parameters without the connection. It's mostly be a normal weight, looks hopefully around my league (average give or take), and personality covers the rest. Being hooked on someone or not, I don't have eyes for anyone 'attractive' in passing, but I realize I'm probably an outlier there. Just as an example, celebs and models don't really do it for me even if I can admire their beauty.

 

[jackie_boy1337]

I'm generally more attracted to personality over just good looks.

But I gave up on all that after the last dumpster-fire of an attempted relationship.
Really doesn't matter in the end anyways.