Hi! Hope you're having a nice weekend.
These posts are for myself mostly, to check up how I'm doing every week, and I feel that posting this online helps me to stay focused and connected in some way. I hope you all don't mind
I'm now eating dinner, I cooked so much I'm full already, but I want to finish it anyway. I'm working towards gaining weight, just one kg to go!
This week I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts on and off, they come in and wipe me off my balance, with such a strong force, it's almost an habit at this point, when something bad happens or is about to happen, and my brain straight out goes suicidal mode, with the dread of an imminent death, it's horrible, because it makes it hard for me to find solutions and try to keep on track. Still, I will write affirmations for when those feelings arrive again, maybe treat myself to something sweet and play games.
I've just finished printing my workout routine too! Two weeks long routine with pilates, yoga, strength training, and a little bit of cardio in between. It is not perfect at all, I did it in 20 minutes tops, but it's a start, and I'm proud of it. I hope this damn perfectionism doesn't make me self sabotage, I'll keep a close eye on it.
And now as I become better in my health and daily life, a lot of anxiety comes in as I wonder if what I'm doing is okay and enough, and ruminate about all the past times I tried and struggled. THIS is self sabotage, hardly perceptive, it appears at the best times, when I'm doing good, when I'm thriving, and it camuflages as thoughts of ways to better myself, like a Trojan's horse.
Thank you so much if you read this, I really appreciate it, take a pudding
These posts are for myself mostly, to check up how I'm doing every week, and I feel that posting this online helps me to stay focused and connected in some way. I hope you all don't mind
I'm now eating dinner, I cooked so much I'm full already, but I want to finish it anyway. I'm working towards gaining weight, just one kg to go!
This week I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts on and off, they come in and wipe me off my balance, with such a strong force, it's almost an habit at this point, when something bad happens or is about to happen, and my brain straight out goes suicidal mode, with the dread of an imminent death, it's horrible, because it makes it hard for me to find solutions and try to keep on track. Still, I will write affirmations for when those feelings arrive again, maybe treat myself to something sweet and play games.
I've just finished printing my workout routine too! Two weeks long routine with pilates, yoga, strength training, and a little bit of cardio in between. It is not perfect at all, I did it in 20 minutes tops, but it's a start, and I'm proud of it. I hope this damn perfectionism doesn't make me self sabotage, I'll keep a close eye on it.
And now as I become better in my health and daily life, a lot of anxiety comes in as I wonder if what I'm doing is okay and enough, and ruminate about all the past times I tried and struggled. THIS is self sabotage, hardly perceptive, it appears at the best times, when I'm doing good, when I'm thriving, and it camuflages as thoughts of ways to better myself, like a Trojan's horse.
Thank you so much if you read this, I really appreciate it, take a pudding
Last edited:
