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RawPremadePizza

Fighting tooth and nail
Apr 23, 2024
33
Hi! Hope you're having a nice weekend.
These posts are for myself mostly, to check up how I'm doing every week, and I feel that posting this online helps me to stay focused and connected in some way. I hope you all don't mind ☺️
I'm now eating dinner, I cooked so much I'm full already, but I want to finish it anyway. I'm working towards gaining weight, just one kg to go!


This week I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts on and off, they come in and wipe me off my balance, with such a strong force, it's almost an habit at this point, when something bad happens or is about to happen, and my brain straight out goes suicidal mode, with the dread of an imminent death, it's horrible, because it makes it hard for me to find solutions and try to keep on track. Still, I will write affirmations for when those feelings arrive again, maybe treat myself to something sweet and play games.

I've just finished printing my workout routine too! Two weeks long routine with pilates, yoga, strength training, and a little bit of cardio in between. It is not perfect at all, I did it in 20 minutes tops, but it's a start, and I'm proud of it. I hope this damn perfectionism doesn't make me self sabotage, I'll keep a close eye on it.


And now as I become better in my health and daily life, a lot of anxiety comes in as I wonder if what I'm doing is okay and enough, and ruminate about all the past times I tried and struggled. THIS is self sabotage, hardly perceptive, it appears at the best times, when I'm doing good, when I'm thriving, and it camuflages as thoughts of ways to better myself, like a Trojan's horse.


Thank you so much if you read this, I really appreciate it, take a pudding 🍮
 
Last edited:
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T

ThatStateOfMind

Paragon
Nov 13, 2021
914
Hi! Hope you're having a nice weekend.
These posts are for myself mostly, to check up how I'm doing every week, and I feel that posting this online helps me to stay focused and connected in some way. I hope you all don't mind ☺️
I'm now eating dinner, I cooked so much I'm full already, but I want to finish it anyway. I'm working towards gaining weight, just one kg to go!


This week I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts on and off, they come in and wipe me off my balance, with such a strong force, it's almost an habit at this point, when something bad happens or is about to happen, and my brain straight out goes suicidal mode, with the dread of an imminent death, it's horrible, because it makes it hard for me to find solutions and try to keep on track. Still, I will write affirmations for when those feelings arrive again, maybe treat myself to something sweet and play games.

I've just finished printing my workout routine too! Two weeks long routine with pilates, yoga, strength training, and a little bit of cardio in between. It is not perfect at all, I did it in 20 minutes tops, but it's a start, and I'm proud of it. I hope this damn perfectionism doesn't make me self sabotage, I'll keep a close eye on it.


And now as I become better in my health and daily life, a lot of anxiety comes in as I wonder if what I'm doing is okay and enough, and ruminate about all the past times I tried and struggled. THIS is self sabotage, hardly perceptive, it appears at the best times, when I'm doing good, when I'm thriving, and it camuflages as thoughts of ways to better myself, like a Trojan's horse.


Thank you so much if you read this, I really appreciate it, take a pudding 🍮
Kudos for making the workout routine. 20 minutes of activity is more than some! Definitely don't be too hard on yourself or you might burn out and stop.

I hope your weekend goes well, and hopefully the negative thoughts dissipate!
 
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RawPremadePizza

Fighting tooth and nail
Apr 23, 2024
33
Kudos for making the workout routine. 20 minutes of activity is more than some! Definitely don't be too hard on yourself or you might burn out and stop.

I hope your weekend goes well, and hopefully the negative thoughts dissipate!
Hii thank you so much!! yeah trying not to burn myself out is so important, today I had to cut my workout in half because I got triggered by something :C but it's okay
Have a nice weekend as well 🤗
 
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Reactions: soulkitty
soulkitty

soulkitty

ロロ□
Apr 6, 2024
746
Thank you for the pudding, it's always nice to see your updates and know how you're doing ❤️

94E31CB9 BEE9 4967 8926 3DDEBFDA76A4
 
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