Story How i got to point in life

[TheRainyDaysStay]

Hello everyone!

I thought maybe explaining how I got to this point in my life would be a good first thread. I'm currently 20 years old and graduated high school last year, (I was put in school later then regular kids). However ever since I was in elementary I had depression, when I was in middle school I decided that I would end it all on one of the days following my highschool graduation if I didn't find a reason to live.

Well as everyone can see I'm still alive but it's because of my ferret. I was given my ferret during the summer before I joined highschool and he is the greatest thing to happen to me, I don't feel so unbearably lonely anymore, I feel like I can speak without judgment even if the answering silence is kind of hard.

But you can't exactly base your reasons to live on a pet with a limited lifespan, so it's more like my plans been postponed since I can't trust my family to take care of him if I die.

This is where the limbo feeling comes in, I feel frozen, I still want to die but just stuck here. My mom tells me I should go to college but it seems worthless if I'm just going to die in the future.

 

[brokeandbroken]

You are young. Find something you want to get out of life and pursue it.

 

[MrDarkness]

People often feel depressed when they don't have a purpose, your semi fine right now cause of your pet, but when they pass what then? Do you have any hobbies anything you enjoy?

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand that it's tiring feeling trapped here, at least to me enduring this dreadful existence where we are just waiting around to die anyway could never be appealing.

 

[willitpass]

You are young. Find something you want to get out of life and pursue it.

This is the worst part about being suicidal when young. People think saying "you're young" is a magical cure. And to constantly be told "find a reason to live" is so fucking daunting when you can barely find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Being young doesn't negate the suffering. Being told we are young and should just keep trying feels so invalidating. Especially if the reason a young person is suicidal is due to lifelong mental illness and severe trauma.

 

[brokeandbroken]

This is the worst part about being suicidal when young. People think saying "you're young" is a magical cure. And to constantly be told "find a reason to live" is so fucking daunting when you can barely find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Being young doesn't negate the suffering. Being told we are young and should just keep trying feels so invalidating. Especially if the reason a young person is suicidal is due to lifelong mental illness and severe trauma.

No I understand. It sucks. I don't think it is. There's stories like mine where despite working hard you can have everything stolen and no one will come help you. Where your only option is to die. I wouldn't find it easy to get out of bed either. What's the point? Why work hard when it will be taken from you? I completely understand you. In fact I don't think I would say to try. I wish I didn't. I wish I did anything but. It's not worth it. People don't care. You can give your all every second of your life and something happens to where you can't. That next second it doesn't matter. People don't see me as the former medical student with a bright future. Most I doubt even believe I was there. I'm not on drugs or am an alcoholic but everyone believes homeless people are on drugs. I just cannot get even a semi decent job anymore. I worked my ass off and was on the precipice of success when it was stolen. Why work hard when you can have it stolen at the 11th hour? When you can put your whole being into trying to be an oncologist and society goes "meh" but you are homeless now why do I care let me know if you become it. My future was stolen. So could yours. Society doesn't care. Crimes go unpunished. Why work hard when your blood, sweat, and tears gets ripped away from you.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Just because you are young doesn't mean that your feelings of suicidal ideation are invalid.
Yet people who have never walked in the shoes of a mentally ill, suicidal person keep invalidating the feelings of those who are suffering.