How i describe being suicidal

[Endthismisery]

When people judge you and say why do you Even think about suicide I describe it like this

My depression is like being in a pitch black room and being told there is two doors in it

You can't see a thing you walk around endlessly trying to find one of the doors
You try loads of ways to find light(therapy medication)

then out of nowhere you see this tiny tiny light at the bottom on the floor and you go up to it and you feel like this slight relief because you know that you have found one of the doors

Even tho this door is shut tight and really hard to open you know you have found a way out of the room

That door is suicide and it's an escape

 

[Tomasnil]

I think for those who know about being suicidal you dont have to explain and give reason and for those who never been suicidal you cant explain no matter how hard you try.

 

[Tomasnil]

Once when i tried i compare it with breaking a leg ... i have never done it and. Saying it hurts like hell .....is just your reference

 

[Definitelyworried]

Suicidal for me is the worst feeling, because I see no other way of correcting a problem.
Suicide for me is confusing.
Right now all arrows point towards suicide.
Sometimes I feel more prepared for it thsn other times. But I feel that I will have to do it and the sooner the better, it's just not as easy as I thought.
When I think about how I will become brain damaged before I die or when I think about how my heart will stop beating and how I could end up permanently brain damaged if it' interrpted or unsuccesful, the fantasy of suicide goes flying out the window, but in times of mental pain suicide seems like a releif, so for me I have to describe suicide confusing. But it' more than just confusing, I personally would like to live longer, but not a life where I only see pain.
I rather die than live a life of downward spiral. It would take me longer to fully describe what being suicidal is like.

 

[Mooseman]

I feel trapped.