How high is your drive to do things? (1-10) I mean work, enjoyment or other activities

[noname223]

I am always a very driven person. I am always obsessed with this or that. I think many depressed people are very different to me. I always had agitated depression (with severe psychosomatic pain). No matter how depressed I am I am always extremely obsessed with different activities. My brain never takes a break. I need to take a lot of medication in order not to become manic. When I was manic I worked usually 12 hours, sometimes even way more but I am not sure about the exact numbers. But I also know crippling depression in the sense that it prevents me of doing something productive. I know this feeling very well. When I was extremely depressed I had 24/7 the plan how to kill myself in my mind. My thoughts had an unbelievable pace. It was extreme torture David Foster Wallace described that feeling in Infinite Jest but I don't know the exact page or quote.

I think my thoughts always have a high pace. This does not necessarily mean my thoughts were intelligent or sophisticated. I think compared to average citizens my drive to do things (not sure what would be a better translation) is quite high. Doing nothing feels horrible for me. There is a thread where someone asks what she should do if days are so boring and she has so much free-time. I absolutely can't relate to that. I am always obsessed with something. No matter how much free-time I have I always have an idea what to do. Sounds great doesn't it? Yeah the problem is I probably cannot work like a healthy person. I will lack the money in the future in order to enjoy my hobbys. I am pretty sure this will be torture for me. And it is one big reason why I need to ctb.

On a scale compared to healthy people I am probably an 8 or 9 currently. I show some manic symptoms though. But compared to my manic episodes I am rather a 6 currently. Reading about depression always calms me down a little bit. Reading in this forum has a similar effect for me.

On a scale 1-10 where is your drive for activities?

 

[Cathy Ames]

Zero.

 

[natali4]

Zero.

Same.

 

[noname223]

I expected that. I am bipolar and not so many people have agitated depression. But maybe there is at least someone who partly can relate to what I have written.

 

[Lost Magic]

about a 3 on a bad day (most days) a five on a good day.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I expected that. I am bipolar and not so many people have agitated depression. But maybe there is at least someone who partly can relate to what I have written.

I mean... I'm envious imagining it. At one time I was able to be a productive person. But not now.

 

[noname223]

I mean... I'm envious imagining it. At one time I was able to be a productive person. But not now.

I promise you the psychosomatic pain that comes a long with it (in my case) is something 99% would absolultely find torturing. Maybe some masochists would like it though. The pain was really strong. I felt it 24/7 when i was awake. Nothing alleviated it. I felt it in my legs. Shortly after psychosis it felt like something would tear me physically apart. Like two powers would tear me apart. I had this extreme pain for half a year on an insane level. And another full year on 50% pain which still was a huge pain.

 

[asmah]

2 but I would love to be like you

 

[WhiteRabbit]

2-ish. I used to be pretty driven, but severe chronic pain really took the wind out of my sails.

 

[Al_stargate]

Zero.

Same. Used to be very driven person because my occupations were very rewarding. But then after an event went from 10 to 0, in maybe a month.

 

[Someone123]

Maybe 2 on most days, 3 or 4 on a good day.

 

[butterfly3]

none, and my parents are giving me shit for it, which feeds my suicidal urges

 

[FuneralCry]

Below zero. I am just so tired and I simply do not want to exist. To me, life just seems to be a pointless struggle that I want nothing to do with. There is nothing that I enjoy or look forward to, I just want to sleep for all eternity.

 

[ClownMe]

I'd be in the negatives.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I have very low drive to do anything anymore. So I would say 1 on a bad day, but if I keep forcing myself to do atleast one major task a day,I notice my energy levels go up exponentially to a 5. It's as if I'm an old car, and once you get me started I can keep going for awhile. It's when I stop that it's hard to get me motivated again.

 

[Foresight]

about a 3 on a bad day (most days) a five on a good day.

Same but I have level 1 kind of bad days at least once a week.

 

[AstroV]

A definite 1 now. I feel like it used to be higher a few years ago. Everything now just feels exhausting.

 

[Gosuipo]

1

 

[VKVK]

1. It's not even fun playing the waking game anymore, I just want to ldar and I hate and despise myself for it but I can't do anything different. I've been trying to study but it's such an herculean task and I always fail at some point. I hate myself.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

My drive and motivation swings so rapidly from day to day it's hard for me to pick a solid number here. I'd say on average though maybe a 3 or 4.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

2 but I would love to be like you

Same

 

[Symbiote]

At work it's an 8. At home it's a 2

 

[ornitier199]

It depends on the day and how development is progressing in that day. Usually a 7, always somewhat good when its just that in focus. I love event programming.
Anytime money comes into the picture, everything is down to zero. Or when intrusive thoughts from the past rear its ugly head.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm very driven to do things as long as they're enjoyable, seem worth it in the end, and aren't actually productive in any way. That last part is key because it prevents me from getting a lot of actually useful things done which is a good thing because any form of advancement on my part would just end up causing a lot more strife for people around me.

 

[Crazy4u]

Between 2 to 4. 2 on bad days, 4 on good days

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

In my case the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. With chronic fatigue I simply can't do much. There is a cap on my endurance. This year feels like the worst one yet. My limbs feel heavy all the time, I can feel my legs pounding all day even with zero effort. I experience post-exertional malaise and need a recovery period if I've been even mildly active on any given day. I truly hate living like this. I want my old life back. I mourn it every day.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Starts out high, but drops to 0 when I face any sort of adversity/problem.

 

[HappyForever?]

3/10 for work, maybe 6-7/10 when a test or deadline is approaching. 7/10 for enjoyment.

 

[ICU1]

About a 2

 

[Cathy Ames]

Alert the media. I think the needle has moved from 0 to about 2.5. I can't recall the last time this has happened.