Discussion How have you guys dealt with/recovered from sexual abuse?

[nabinabi5]

Throughout my life I've dealt with sexual abuse but to this day I have no idea how/what to do about it. When I was 14 I got groomed and then r*ped. When I was in HS I got groped often by my friends but always thought it was normal/a joke until later when I realised it was wrong. Now recently, I basically was forced to have sex with my ex at knifepoint and my dad constantly gropes me when he's drunk. When I was young I had no outlet to speak because the councilors(useless pieces of garbage) would tell my parents and my parents would've disowned me.

Now, I have no friends(even online) or resources in life because I don't have free money to spend and I'm 3 years deep in reclusive hermit mode and saving every penny so I can buy my own house. I have internally went through every stage of grief but acceptance and it just keeps going in circles like I'm somersaults underwater over and over.

It feels like a constant disgusting weight over my head and I just want to let it go and move on but I just can't. There are days where I want to mutilate my face or my body so I'm not attractive anymore so I'm left alone or skin myself so I don't feel dirty/soiled. I'm so tired of it and it's one of the things that are pushing me to dark thoughts. I have tried to report my father and my gf but the police around here don't give a shit unless you're a woman, they basically just told me to stop whining and go home.

To those who have experienced it, how did you begin to move on or recover from this kind of abuse?

 

[Somethingiswaddling]

Personally, I criminalize myself alot for having been groomed too, but i try to remember myself that ultimately i was a victim cause i was a child (15) looking for companionship, recognition, attention ect. Yous should always remember that it's not because you're too pretty or too dumb (for me, not for you), but you were weak and those bad people took advantage of that to use you.

Then, to protect yourself, all you can do is try to isolate yourself from those bad people, but also knowing to fight back (not necessarily physically, but knowing how to say no and/or run away) for your own safety.

I hoped this helped and sorry if there's mistakes in my text. :)

 

[nabinabi5]

Personally, I criminalize myself alot for having been groomed too, but i try to remember myself that ultimately i was a victim cause i was a child (15) looking for companionship, recognition, attention ect. Yous should always remember that it's not because you're too pretty or too dumb (for me, not for you), but you were weak and those bad people took advantage of that to use you.

Then, to protect yourself, all you can do is try to isolate yourself from those bad people, but also knowing to fight back (not necessarily physically, but knowing how to say no and/or run away) for your own safety.

I hoped this helped and sorry if there's mistakes in my text. :)

Yeah I know I was weak mentally back then because everything had worn me down to the point where even though I knew something was wrong I didn't have the capacity to fight or dislodge myself from the situation.

Nowadays I think I've learned how to fight back physically and like you said after dealing with it so many times, if anyone tried to touch me in a bad way I'd beat them to a pulp. I think the only reason I don't do that to my father is that I don't want to ruin what little family I have, even if they're abusive. I also feel part of the reason why I'm into weight-lifting/fitness is so I can never be weak enough to have someone force themselves on me again.

 

[Somethingiswaddling]

Omg yeah i get you so much like, because of the sexual abuse, now im obsessed with the way i look and how I act around others cause I dont want them to think im weak or something.

And for your father... I feel like defending yourself from him is way more important than not ruining your family cause in the long term i'ts probably gonna relieve you a bit, then i dont really have a place to talk about that cause idk your exact situation and also im still around my family too even tho they are abusive so..........

 

[nabinabi5]

Omg yeah i get you so much like, because of the sexual abuse, now im obsessed with the way i look and how I act around others cause I dont want them to think im weak or something.

And for your father... I feel like defending yourself from him is way more important than not ruining your family cause in the long term i'ts probably gonna relieve you a bit, then i dont really have a place to talk about that cause idk your exact situation and also im still around my family too even tho they are abusive so..........

Yeah you got it exactly.

For my father I know it's wrong and horrible but right now I'm trying to mend the relationship between him and his father before he passes. I have put keeping people happy over my own wellbeing because I want to try to stop the endless loop of father hating son that's been in my family for so long, my dad also loves me a lot. I hope you get out of your situation soon and wish you the best.

 

[Somethingiswaddling]

Omg you're so brave and caring?? I know I wouldn't have done that for my father! But the world definitely needs more people as empathic and caring as you! I also hope that you'll be able to get out of your abusive environment as soon as possible tho!

 

[Thornless Rose]

I think when it comes to abuse it's not really about how, but if and when.
A total recovery is so rare I don't think I ever heard of it. Most of us just have to cope with it, come to acceptance with what happenened like you mentionned.

I wish we didn't live in a world where it's common practice to shove blame onto victims, and for victims not to be heard after facing abuse.

I relate to what you people were saying a lot and I think it's something all victims felt at some point. Especially the part about wanting to cut your own face as to not attract unwanted attention anymore.
I wish you the best going forward, stranger !

Edit : forgot to answer the question. For me what helped getting better ultimately was.... time. Yeah, sorry.. boring answer.