How hard is drinking Nembutal.

[dandan]

I went through great ordeal to obtain N.
It expires on March 2020.

I cant find hope of living a life I want to live... Life is only work and I dont expect much out of it.
I do have a loving Mom.

Why is it so difficult for me to accept and drink N?

I dont forsee a good future with my attitude and beliefs.
I expect only things to go downhill from here.
Sure I will envy that all my so called friends made something out of life.... and I accomplished shit.

Why do I want to die? Because theres nothing that I would like to live for... bad attitude, mental issued, constant forgetting things (so this hurts me at work)

Why do I want to live? Why wont I drink N? Because there's no way back... I wont know what will happen.... I cant imagine "Nothingness"... its so unknown... I dunno... fuck, why did this happened to me?

 

[intr0naut]

If you would imagine you'll just sleep instead of dying after you drink the N, should be pretty simple. Think of it as any other medicine.

 

[Struggling]

I'm more worried about mucking up the antiemetic regime.

 

[spanishguy22]

If you would imagine you'll just sleep instead of dying after you drink the N, should be pretty simple. Think of it as any other medicine.

Yeah you can't trick your brain like that mate

 

[dandan]

Yeah you can't trick your brain like that mate

Exactly you cant trick your brain as easily as @intr0naut said... at least I can't do as easily..
however he's right with, hey you'll only go to sleep... yeah, I've seen the videos...

 

[intr0naut]

I think it's possible but of course, you're right, it depends from one individual to another.

 

[fisil]

My biggest fear. I have n ib front of me and can't do it. Just be positive and just do it.

 

[Honigwaffel]

I understand where you're coming from. And I was in the same situation a few month ago. CTB requires you to take aktion and that is very hard when you are not 100% certain with your decision.

I made a little worksheet where I listed every problem that I had, every reason for my suffering and thoughts about possible solutions. And I came to the conclusion that it is impossible to fix those problems and that it is best to end my suffering.
Now I feel comfortable with my decision and can't wait to get it done.

I think it is very valuable to take some time and really reflect. Maybe go to a completely new space where you won't get disturbed.

 

[headinghome]

I went through great ordeal to obtain N.
It expires on March 2020.

I cant find hope of living a life I want to live... Life is only work and I dont expect much out of it.
I do have a loving Mom.

Why is it so difficult for me to accept and drink N?

I dont forsee a good future with my attitude and beliefs.
I expect only things to go downhill from here.
Sure I will envy that all my so called friends made something out of life.... and I accomplished shit.

Why do I want to die? Because theres nothing that I would like to live for... bad attitude, mental issued, constant forgetting things (so this hurts me at work)

Why do I want to live? Why wont I drink N? Because there's no way back... I wont know what will happen.... I cant imagine "Nothingness"... its so unknown... I dunno... fuck, why did this happened to me?

You answered your own question with your hesitation....I am pro choice with this suicide discussion but also would never even think of taking my own life if I didn't have compromise to my physical condition that prevents me from living like I used to.....so I say to you and others....at least try to live .....I did but didn't get back to my self....

 

[dandan]

I have not answered my own question
yes, I hestitate, because this is not which movie to choose when going to the cinema type of decision

like above said, yes I have listed all my issues and problems , as well as possible solutions and i'm screwed , I dont find what I want to live... there's not enough reasons possibilities for me to live a life accepted by me.... chances are very slim... maybe im hanging to that small percentage of chances of things turning around...

but is it worth it? worth the possiblilty? while its more possible that it WON'T happen?

 

[Honigwaffel]

but is it worth it? worth the possiblilty? while its more possible that it WON'T happen?

It is absolutely worth it! If there is a small chance that you can turn things around, go for it. You got nothing to loose really.

If you want to find the right way for you, maybe you can give this Focus Worksheet a go?
https://www.thefutur.com/resources/free-focus-worksheet/

Try to be completely honest with yourself. When you are done you can translate that worksheet into actions you can take to make it happen. Then you can decide if you are willing dedicate yourself to those goals.

 

[An hero of our time]

Just think of all people that don't have possibility to die as peacefully as you will with N. And yet they die, often using methods far beyond unpleasant.
To be honest, i'd kill person like you for a bottle. It upsets me how people waste so much money and realise they don't have the guts.

But hey, on the other side, maybe you don't need it? Don't get me wrong, it's a pro choice suicide forum and all that, but people can lie to themselves.

All i'm trying to say: it's perfect time to make your mind.

 

[dandan]

i've been trying to make up my mind for weeks... but before having N..... it was harder.... not having a definitive solution at hand wasnt tolerable...

now i'm trying to find a way to know I can enjoy life

the thing about the worksheet, is that I have no plans, no projects.... I try to think on something to do... but my past failures are so BIG , that nothing will ever compare...... I'll try looking at it, and doing it on the weekend.... thanks I guess

 

[headinghome]

Just think of all people that don't have possibility to die as peacefully as you will with N. And yet they die, often using methods far beyond unpleasant.
To be honest, i'd kill person like you for a bottle. It upsets me how people waste so much money and realise they don't have the guts.

But hey, on the other side, maybe you don't need it? Don't get me wrong, it's a pro choice suicide forum and all that, but people can lie to themselves.

All i'm trying to say: it's perfect time to make your mind.

I also wish I had N....must be reassuring to at least know you have it.....I have only visions of trauma...jumping out of car or knives.......

 

[Cleanthes]

Dandan, I only joined the forum a day ago, but already people here have been very very helpful to me. I'm not a great forum dweller, and may not come back to this thread again. But I'd like to pass on something. I'm not pro life at all, my own circumstance is that I'm old, have a condition which is likely to be terminal and painful and undignified and demanding care from a lot of people. Right now I visit a friend with MND every week, he has amazing courage and dignity, but I don't think I will be able to be as strong. On all of these grounds, my decision is easy, and when I choose the time (perhaps when my friend goes) there will be no doubt whatsoever. I want to go on my own terms. The only question will be on which of my favourite mountains I go.

So if I read something like the way I interpret what you have said, I think you aren't even sure whether you want to go or not. If you're not sure, then my advice is to stay, at least for now. If you go when you aren't sure, there's no second chance. If you stay when you aren't sure, there is a second chance.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

It expires on March 2020.

Shelf life and storage of N is outlined in The Peaceful Pill Handbook. TL;DR if you store it in the right conditions outlined below, your liquid N will remain fine.

The Shelf Life of Liquid Nembutal
"Even though most liquid Nembutal will have an expiry date of around two years, this is one substance that is known to remain effective for much longer. If stored in a cool place and kept in its sterile, sealed bottle, liquid Nembutal can be expected to have a shelf-life of many years."

The Peaceful Pill Handbook - March 2019 Revision pg. 261
​

The Storage of Liquid Nembutal
"Veterinary liquid comes in sealed, sterile glass 100ml bottles. It is best to not disturb the seal on the bottle until it is needed.
"Do not break the seal or decant the liquid into another container as this will expose the drug to the air. Store the original bottles in a cool dark place. Refrigeration is fine, but do not freeze as the bottle can break.
"The liquid should be clear and colourless. Any coloration or precipitation of the liquid means that further testing and assay will be required."

The Peaceful Pill Handbook - March 2019 Revision pg. 369​

Why is it so difficult for me to accept and drink N?

What you're describing in your post is the state of ambivalence. The long and painful discussion with only yourself about if you should live or die. It's a natural feeling that we'll all endure when we get to this state. Many of us have felt it.

Our bodies are designed to have survival in mind. It's an instinct. Even our minds are designed with survival in mind. No amount of media consumption that you might see in media will be able to change the fact ... the simple fact that we can't really go against our 'core programming' of survival. This is why you see the large discretion in failed attempts versus successful attempts. Failed attempts weigh a heavy percentage over ones who have caught the bus.

Death is the permanent end. There is also the fear about methods and what we should use to CTB. The more lethal method you try, the more damage your body takes in, and the more permanent your body gets disfigured if your attempt fails. Even medication like N if you were to live could sustain a ton of damage on your organs. Even a failed attempt is a double curse to us.

There isn't really a perfect answer you'll get from this thread but what your facing is your body's survival instinct.

Best of luck.