How does this forum influence your suicidality?

[noname223]

Living alone, loneliness and lack of emotional support as predictors of suicide and self-harm: A nine-year follow up of the UK Biobank cohort

The association between loneliness and suicide is poorly understood. We investigated how living alone, loneliness and emotional support were related t…

www.sciencedirect.com

I am at the moment in the mood for analyzing suicide in the point of view of a scientist. I think I might be no expert but I am learning.
Here the results of that study.
Loneliness is associated with a modest increased risk of death by suicide for men. For men, living with a partner reduces the risk of death by suicide.
Overall, loneliness may be more important as a risk factor for self-harm than for suicide. Loneliness also appears to lessen the protective associations of cohabitation.

I often read that loneliness can increase the risk of commiting suicide. I recently think a lot why exactly this forum lets me better cope with my suicidality after I read this Empirical Research study about suicide forums. (A thread of mine.) They concluded they are not sure whether suicide forums decrease suicidal thoughts. At least for me it probably does not decrease my suicidal thoughts but due to this forum I can better handle it.
I can share my thoughts with people who also struggle and who know severe suicidality, abuse etc.
I feel less alone with this forum. I suffer from (partly) social isolation, emotional isolation and existential loneliness. And about all 3 of these factors this forums helps.
It is especially emotlonal relief if I can vent about stuff. I always have the feeling how cynical my life is and when I explain the situtions in this forum and people say they can relate it comforts me very much. I have to deal with a lot of pressure that my consciousness produces. It is pretty extreme and writing about my situation really help( and getting feedback. And I don't have many other ways which help similary.

Since I know a peaceful method how I can end my life it comforts me. I have been going through hell in the last decade. I want to have the option to end it if I reach my limit. This gives me strenth to fight on. It gives me reassurance. I am obsessed by the need for security. And if I cannot change my situation (which gives me insecurity) I want to have at least a method how to protest against this torture. I have never choosen to be born. No one asked me about the abuse and the violence. The extreme pain which I had to endure. If it is not bearable anymore I want the right to end it. I have never signed a contract not to do it. I don't see it as unethical and I think no religion has the right to judge about my decision.

This forum might even have protected me of doing partial, jumping in front of a train or OD on medication. I think this could have likely ended with extreme permanent damage. I think it strengthenend me to think about the consequences of doing an attempt.

It is important for me that this forum is available 24/7. The time talking to my therapist or self-help group is way not enough. Moreover I have got some really hurtful comments when I talked about suicidality in my self-help group. The anonymity on the internet is really helpful to talk about the most inner feelings.

 

[Interloper]

It for sure messed with my plans because this turned out to be one of the only places I actually feel at home, as stupid as that sounds. It's more ammo for my brain to use against me if that makes sense.

I definitely relate to your isolation to a degree, have people to play games with but I just don't fit in/belong.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Before I found this forum I was only vaguely aware of the Chemical methods like "n" and I did not know them by name

So on the one hand hearing about these made me more likely to CTB but on the other hand maybe not because there is a lot of good community here

I want to CTB but it has to be relatively painless. I don't care if it's quick but it can't be messy either - no shotguns

The SN blue skin I can deal with

 

[noname223]

It for sure messed with my plans because this turned out to be one of the only places I actually feel at home, as stupid as that sounds. It's more ammo for my brain to use against me if that makes sense.

I definitely relate to your isolation to a degree, have people to play games with but I just don't fit in/belong.

I also have some friends. But for example this existential loneliness is rough. I am all alone with my consciousness. The condition I am in is sometimes pretty narrowing down and scary. Only people who are also suicidal get this feeling of being trapped and forced to do it. The desperation while you try to avoid it. DFW described it pretty accurately that is why I really like his stories.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Not sure, either no effect or a reducing (from having an exit locked and loaded, no pun intended). Basically has functioned as a distraction, and I get some form of resemblance of socializing with people (compared to none at all, which would be the case otherwise). I don't buy the garbage about how people would become suicidal by "encouragement" or other words typed online. People are hard to kill and it takes a lot. Even in cases of online bullying (real encouragement/harassment), it takes a lot of factors for even a child to be driven to suicide, I'm sure. Much less an adult.

 

[onleana]

SS is one of the best places on the internet i have ever found. i've felt totally isolated in my experience of being suicidal, absolutely no one understood me and i felt like i was crazy for thinking the way i do. thanks to SS i finally don't feel so alone in all of this. many many times when i was close to finally ctb'ing i came here, felt safe and understood and decided to stay alive a little longer. i am not sure if i should be saying this but... while SS helped me a ton, there are times when coming here (the suicide discussion forum, NOT other forums on here) makes me 'more' suicidal. people's pain and suffering really hurts me, reading about other member's success stories makes me jelaous, i start to plan my ctb in greater detail, the choice of commiting suicide becomes more and more logical, etc. and it's not a 'bad' thing because i DO want to cbt, i am an adult and made that decision long before joining this forum but yeah i guess it matches the definition of becoming 'more suicidal'. and i know that it is MY problem and i should propably decrease my time spent here. i do NOT blame anyone on here or this forum for this because it is a great, helpful and necessary place. other sections/forums on SS like the recovery section almost always influences me in a very 'positive' way (wanting to stay alive longer). sorry for my english

 

[subj]

I vacillate in my feelings about suicide and about this forum. I have alwys vacillated about taking my life. However while i still vacillate I have gained some insights here that have made me think differently about behaviors and emotions that contribute to the ways and reasons I will CTB.
Regarding the site itself and participation. It is a safe place for understanding and expressing non judgmentally and getting validation and understanding with some honest feedback. What I do worry about sometime is "group think". As with any other group issue it is sometime easy to go with the crowd and maybe move more toward feeling bad and considering singular solutions such as suicide. However it is comforting tha there seems to be a strong thread that when any of us are undecided or continually putting off death that we are encouraged to hold off untill possible avenues are explored.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do think this place is needed, as without it there would be more people attempting unreliable methods and ending up with damage. For me personally, it does not influence or change how I feel. It is just a way to pass the time coming on here. No matter what happens, I will always be suicidal. I have never wanted to be alive and nothing would ever change that.

 

[deflationary]

Since I know I'm not gonna kill myself in the foreseeable future, it doesn't affect the likelihood of acting on my suicidal thoughts at all. As for how the thoughts themselves are influenced... I think it depends on the day. Generally it's nice to have this place. Not feeling totally alone in one's plight is always some level of comfort.

Some days, though, being on the forum makes me want to kill myself even more, but not through any fault of this place. Just finding it impossible to communicate even here is very distressing. That's a thing that happens. But that's on me.

 

[Sakura94]

Being on it makes me less consciously suicidal (I think that is the correct phrase). I guess it's because those thoughts get to rest or become habit while here.

 

[calathea]

I have found solace, and feel less lonely. When in the midst of a bad day, checking the forum is a way of calming down. So it's definitely helped (so far)

 

[albino_elk]

this site does nothing to my suicidal tendencies. i feel safe here to speak and vent and thats it

 

[Kobusu]

The site helped me learn how to do things properly, but it hasn't affected with my plans much. I suppose it's made it harder to go since it feels nice to talk to people about this stuff. It's nice to have a place to objectively look at suicide and consider it, detached from the emotion of the decision.

 

[Arrow]

I think just being able to come here to chat a bit with people who feel the way I do over these last few years has probably made me want to die less. When I'm down being here makes me feel better.

If I didn't have a place like this to cool off I'd feel very bad.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

This place usually does so good at reducing my suicidality. Simply occupying my time by being in a space where I can be as self-critical and vent as much as I want does wonders for not making me want to die.

 

[Niko66]

I only come here when I am feeling particularly suicidal so it's hard to say but overall I think it increases my risk as it goes from an idea/feeling to a realistic option.

Still I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing, we should have the choice.

 

[enau]

The outside world and other websites, especially on mental health, greatly influence my suicidal tendency. Here I am obviously thinking about how to do it right, if or when I have to do it.
I m not a very fluent english speaker , or even being enthusiastic for communicate in this time of my life, so I don't really feel the benefits of the social support here.But when I was a living abyss howling and screaming it was the only place where I could express myself in that total despair, and not be judged, so it helped me to cope with the worst moment of my pitiful life.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Being here calms me. It helps to not feel trapped, as well as being able to talk to people who feel the way I do. Without this site, who knows when I would act impulsively and worsen things.

 

[Thankyoufortoday]

It's neutral in terms of influencing my suicidal thoughts. But coming here to browse every night before bed has become somewhat of a comforting ritual. It assures me that I'm not alone and that I have options

 

[Murasa]

This site allows me to let off some steam, it made me feel understood at a time when I probably would have jumped out my bedroom window in frustration.

 

[hdahsa]

Well like many of the others here, it helped me in many aspects. Being in the company of individuals in a similar mindset took some pressure off. Secondly it allowed me to express / convey my feelings which was not possible for me earlier. This definitely helped me to let off some steam.

Reading about the myriad options available in detail and then narrowing down to those feasible for me reassured me that when the time comes I will be sufficiently prepared with the knowledge and accessories needed to ctb. And lastly it helped me to appreciate the pain and suffering many others here are going through which again made me rethink about my plans to ctb.

So all in all I would say that this forum actually helped me to postpone indefinitely my plans to ctb with the reassurance that if and when the times comes, I will be prepared to take the leap.

 

[motel rooms]

Since I know I'm not gonna kill myself in the foreseeable future, it doesn't affect the likelihood of acting on my suicidal thoughts at all. As for how the thoughts themselves are influenced... I think it depends on the day. Generally it's nice to have this place. Not feeling totally alone in one's plight is always some level of comfort.

Some days, though, being on the forum makes me want to kill myself even more, but not through any fault of this place. Just finding it impossible to communicate even here is very distressing. That's a thing that happens. But that's on me.

And @deflationary is gone. "Then dusk, and someone calls a child's name as though they named their loss."