How does one mentally prepare for CTB?

[Wayfaerer]

I skimmed the thread and may have missed this if someone else mentioned it, but at my University there was a University Disability Services group that would help students get accomodations for completing work. You are someone with a mental illness who is so paralyzed by it that you're looking at suicide as your only alternative to failing classes. That qualifies as a disability and should be able to afford you some accomodations to allow you to finish/pass.

I've already tried that seven years ago, all they gave me were extra time on exams which was completely useless. Thanks for the recommendation though. Even then, school or even depression isn't why I'm CTB anyway but it's an added condition.

 

[inflammed123]

Imagine the mind of this man. Giving that speech while knowing what he was about to do. I admire him so much. Wish I had his balls.

His balls may not have been as big as you imagine. He was highly motivated to leave money behind for his family. Pension survivor benefits were about 1.3 million dollars and this was 1987. his family wouldn't have received a penny if he went to sentencing. He really loved his family and he did it for them. Definitely had balls tho.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

He was in his elder years, so that helps a lot. He was also actually guilty despite claiming his innocence.

I don't thikng elder years and SI are inversely proportional.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

He was actually only 47

 

[erehbus]

After failing my attempt (got cold feet after taking SN and forced myself to puke) last year and taking a long break from here, I thought deeply about why I couldn't do it.
Answering your question: Now I believe that suicide can't be done reliably as a rational decision. You can't prepare for it because, at least to me, despite at the time feeling suicidal 95% of the time, the of lack of SI came in short strong bursts.

I've seen (and I love) the metaphor about a suicidal person being a jumper in 9/11 while the fire closes in - and I believe the times we can do it are when the fire flare. so my advice (and the set up I have right now) would be: have your exit plan ready at all times and work around those windows.

(And while waiting for it, try looking for other exits. I know I don't have any, but it never hurts)

 

[rt1989526]

After failing my attempt (got cold feet after taking SN and forced myself to puke) last year and taking a long break from here, I thought deeply about why I couldn't do it.

Did you need any medical attention after that? You threw up instantly??

 

[Wayfaerer]

He was actually only 47

Really? I've always assumed he was in his mid-50's at least. Might be the balding? Still, 47 isn't exactly spring chicken either.

I don't thikng elder years and SI are inversely proportional.

I don't know about that. I think it at least helps than someone who has a full life ahead of them like at 20. I don't have any hard science to back that up but I can see how suicide would be easier with age and especially with a looming prison sentence.