Discussion How does depression affects You?

[_PRETTYLIGHTS]

Hi everyone,

I noticed how much i have changed due to depression/struggles, i have become very isolated, cant stand noises and light
on top of that i find it very hard to function in society, its hard to wear this mask and pretend to be happy but its the only
way to not be instantly rejected

the worst change for me is that how easily i become aggressive and apathetic/numb,
i wish i could take control over my feelings but i feel overwhelmed with pain and suffering,
it feel like a curse:/

would be nice to hear how it affects you all

 

[WaitingAround2Die]

Hi there,
I think 'depression' is quite a broad term which does manifest in many ways for different people.

For myself, definitely apathy and numbness. It's a lack of feeling rather than sadness. Wish I could cry or scream but don't feel it.
As you, I also feel cursed.
Have socially isolated myself too.
Interesting you mention being aggressive. A year ago I was very impatient, irritable and aggressive. Was stressed at the time, though not obviously depressed.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

I've became very passionate about the topic of suicide, but that makes people I communicate with react in weird ways sometimes, lol.

I have your standard set of symptoms, of course - executive dysfunction, low self-esteem, anhedonia and psychosomatic pains. And all the follow-ups like fixating on bad news or social isolation. And anxiety, too.

 

[Lostbetweenworlds]

Well before I was a pretty happy and ignorant person, used to go outside, socialize.. today I barely socialize, basically go to work, eat and sleep.

I used to take gaming as a hobby seriously up to a competitive level but as the mood swings and negativity raised to a point where I basically just distract myself with as many things as I can until I find either the courage to CTB or find a escape out of this circle of self destruction..

 

[daffo]

Depression is very physical for me. i feel like a grasp at my stomach, and if i cannot check it (repeating to myself that i'm fine, even if i'm not) i start shacking, first my mouth and then my hands.
sometimes i have involuntary movements, like when i see something that reminds one of the many people that i need to forget because they leaved me. maybe a little cat, or an ice cream stand, or a photo of a beach: i'm like a puppet with some strings not very well bounded.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

Great apathy, numb, isolation, inability to make an effort at almost everything as nothing has every "paid off". Fixation on negative, somatic pain, agreed, all of the above.
Feel as tho emotions controlling me randomly. Some days good others terrible for reasons I cannot determine.

 

[Empty Smile]

It has affected me by making me isolate myself from other people. I listen to darker music as time rolls on(recently I have been listening to somber music, such as funeral music, or finding something with bells tolling). I don't eat much anymore, nicotine and alcohol is my source of food. I can go from a decent mood, to tears in a matter of seconds.

I guess basically I'm a walking time bomb. You never know what's going to hit me at any given minute.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

It makes me want to cut off my balls

 

[WaitingAround2Die]

It makes me want to cut off my balls

That reminds me: no libido to speak of

 

[Empty Smile]

It makes me want to cut off my balls

I don't know if I'd want to go that far...

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I don't know if I'd want to go that far...

Never had and wont have girlfriend so its the same having them or not

 

[porfin1234]

Don't want to dance. Now that's serious.
either too much eating or not eating at all. Don't take care of self or things. Risky behavior.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Aah and I want car hits me everytime i cross the street

 

[mesohappy]

I don't care about anything..No bathing,dont want to eat,not interested in what everyone else is saying/doing,I don't care about current events anymore,dont care about sports anymore.Pray to God to let me die when I go to sleep,hate when I wake up.Nights are bad with voices and dreams and shit that doesn't exist running through my head on a loop.Wake up disappointed.I don't want to participate in this world anymore.No more jobs,no more bills no more people,no more nothing.Just disappear in a moment of inconvience.What others get happy about,I cannot.I feel like Im all alone.Even in a crowd.

 

[Intelligent Ape]

When I'm depressed I feel myself more alive than if I'm "normal". Maybe that means I'm always unhappy, but be more honest with unhappiness is better than try to be ok. "You have to jump into disaster with both feet")

 

[AlreadyGone]

Depression makes me feel numb and isolated. I just don't care about anyone or anything that is going on in the world. I stop caring about other people's happiness and I feel like a shell of my former self.

 

[lofistos345]

No energy. Lack of apathy. Difficult in writing. Brain fog. It sucks.

 

[mesohappy]

That reminds me: no libido to speak of

You too? Sucks..I remember when I was a horndog,always worried about my appearance,so I could impress the ladies.Running around trying to bang em all.Now I don't even make eyecontact,feel uncomfortable when anyone shows me attention.Its like I died already and became someone else,a ghost of my former self.Dont even look at porn anymore.Not interested.

 

[Quarky00]

Badly.

;)

(whimsical but symbolic, not much left)

 

[waterbottleman]

Very sad, hopeless, can't concentrate, nothing is pleasurable or interesting, lack of energy, feel inferior to everyone else, want to isolate myself, lonely...

it's a horrific feeling.

Interesting how depression impacts people differently. When one of my family members was going depression he was extremely angry and have fits of rage. Whereas I'm the total opposite, i don't get angry at all with depression I just get extremely sad and docile.

 

[mesohappy]

Very sad, hopeless, can't concentrate, nothing is pleasurable or interesting, lack of energy, feel inferior to everyone else, want to isolate myself, lonely...

it's a horrific feeling.

Interesting how depression impacts people differently. When one of my family members was going depression he was extremely angry and have fits of rage. Whereas I'm the total opposite, i don't get angry at all with depression I just get extremely sad and docile.

When I first started going through this,I had fits of rage,angry that I felt I had done everthing right yet still feel this way while it seemed to me everyone else just fucked off and seemed so happy.I now feel like I dont want to harm anyone and we all go through and experience this ride in different stages of life..Almost feels like I ve just accepted everything.I acted like a raging maniac trying to fight some shit that I couldnt see and comprehend,and instead took it out on people and property.Now I feel gentle as a lamb.Yet Ive pushed everyone away and destroyed everything around me.

 

[Wren]

Mostly no motivation to do anything long-term.
I just don't want to put any effort into my work or hobbies or self-improvement or anything that would benefit me in the long run, because I have no energy for that. It would require effort and diligence, but I would rather close my eyes and never open them again. I dropped out of school and work shitty job because that's just enough to get by. And this content with being just enough is awful.
I believe I could achieve great results if I pursued one specific talent of mine and my life would be much better. But I convinced myself that I'm a sad piece of shit and am fine with it.
I know that I can do better but do nothing and loathe myself with a burning passion for being a fuck-up.


And there's some sick satisfaction in wallowing in self-pity. Feeling bad feels quite good. Like picking a scab - it's painful but gratifying.