Story How do you want to die?

[Jealous Blackheart]

Anytime I hear people talk about feeling lost, not knowing their purpose in life, where they're going to go or what they're going to do, I want to ask them how they would like to die. I don't. I know how easy it is to not understand what that question means. Wanting to die? In general conversation? Fat chance. Asking someone to think about their death is a steep ask. I had a friend once, a good person, who was terrified at the thought of dying. Terrified of oblivion. Terrified of what may or may not exist. The unknown. Her fear fascinated me. She scorned where I yearned. So I'll say here what I won't to people who do not wish to know.

There has never been a promise of a good live on Earth, but it is worthwhile, the pursuit of trying to make one. Somewhere, in the excruciating comfort and isolation of modern life, we sometimes fine ourselves without enough acute pain to distract us from our chronic sufferings. You have just enough comfort, just enough freedom, to look up from your toil and see the years and the decades stretch ahead of you; and you ask to no one, what's the point?

Like many before me I've tried to answer this question many times to varying degrees of satisfaction. A thought that would return to me was living to die. What is the greatest fantasy of your death? To be mourned? Surrounded by loved ones? Old and grey, in the arms of your life's partner? On the high seas? A blaze of glory? A hero? Quietly, at home in bed. A death can tell the story of the life that came before it. To die that way, you live that way. It seemed to me that was the way to go. To live the way you wanted to die. Even if you do not get the death you dreamed of, it would have given you the life you didn't know you needed.

When I ask you how you would like to die, I'm asking you to tell me how you need to live.

 

[wanttodie]

i want to die by hanging

 

[Done_Surviving]

I wish I could die quietly in my sleep. In my bed, all snuggled up with my favorite blanket. And don't have anyone knowing about it for at least a couple of days. Guess that just makes me sound lazy af, huh?

 

[FailureToAll]

Ngl I don't fully understand the last line.

I wish the euthanasia coaster actually existed that would be an awesome way to die, does that mean I should live in a theme park? Idk but that would be pretty awesome.

But dying peacefully in bed also seems pretty nice and I do spend most of my life in bed

But imagine going on the coaster with your partner and dying together whilst having fun that's pretty cool

I'm torn between wanting to be mourned and not because I don't want people to suffer because of me but also it would hurt if it didn't affect them at all. But as long as I'm not a ghost watching them not care then it won't matter.

 

[ddonnieddarko]

something that'll end it instantly, or jus dying in my sleep.

 

[Done_Surviving]

Ngl I don't fully understand the last line.

I wish the euthanasia coaster actually existed that would be an awesome way to die, does that mean I should live in a theme park? Idk but that would be pretty awesome.

But dying peacefully in bed also seems pretty nice and I do spend most of my life in bed

But imagine going on the coaster with your partner and dying together whilst having fun that's pretty cool

I'm torn between wanting to be mourned and not because I don't want people to suffer because of me but also it would hurt if it didn't affect them at all. But as long as I'm not a ghost watching them not care then it won't matter.

Yeah! I change my answer! Let's fucking goooooooo! And I want the Phineas & Ferb's roller coaster song playing as we go the way up!

 

[osper1]

For me is to eat my favorite food get to sleep and have the best dream of my life (die while sleeping) without pain

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Instant death for me by jumping.
Ideally N would have been my perfect death method.
Yet even better, would be to die in my sleep.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Whatever is the quickest and most painless for me. I give zero fcks about how I am thought of thereafter. I'll be too dead to even care.

 

[HuskyD'hiver]

This is a fascinating post; for me, despite my wanting to CTB, I still have a fear of death and of the unknown that results from it. It is that exact reason though to why it is so fascinating, because humans are conditioned to fear the unknown and by taking that blind leap into the aether, maybe is the most fulfilling feeling of all, to conquer man's greatest fear. This conquering of my greatest fear may not be the primary reason for wnating to CTB, but it is one that I have grown a love for. As for what method to go by, I don't actually have one conclusive answer. Some days it would just to never wake up; other days it would to go out as a hero to save innocent people; others would be in an accident, potentially with my family if there happens to be some beautiful afterlife where you spend your days with your loved ones; the main ones would be to simply be erased from the consiousness of existence, whether by ceasing to exist, or by going into some parallel dimension, or what have you as long as I would not cause and pain or sadness to those I care about. As of recently however, I would like to do it in a painful way that I could not possibly back away from, so I can truly get what I feel that deserve for doing bad onto others.

 

[STTP]

I want to die after having lived. That's all.

 

[mehdone]

My fantasy of death is to be done. Straight up done.

No waking up. No more struggling. No more fighting through seconds, minutes, hours, days.

Just no more. No more struggle, no more laughter, no more anything.

Asking me to tell you how I need to live? Hell, I need to not. Even when I'm happy, I still don't want to wake up.

 

[daydreamer52]

Same as most of the people here: quick and painless. As long as it is a fast and painless death I do not care how I die, so probably I would choose to ctb with a firearm.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I will most likely hang myself but I fantasize about slashing my throat because I like the idea of self-descructing and dying in a painful way. However yeah, it's a fantasy.

 

[beelzebul]

ideally, quietly in my sleep. i hear stories of people "giving up" and just passing away. it'd be great if that could happen to me.

realistically, probably hanging or jumping.

 

[WretchedDreams]

I would love to be high as a kite, listening to a playlist with my favorite songs from least to most. Eating for the last time that dish that brought me so much calm in life and after that, a lethal dose of N or perhaps a shot to the head. The "how" doesn't matter as long as it's quick, guaranteed and painless, of course.

 

[Arachno]

I want to CBT with a gun, ideally with a .357 Magnum revolver or an M1 Carbine.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

My fantasy of death is to be done. Straight up done.

No waking up. No more struggling. No more fighting through seconds, minutes, hours, days.

Just no more. No more struggle, no more laughter, no more anything.

Asking me to tell you how I need to live? Hell, I need to not. Even when I'm happy, I still don't want to wake up.

Waking up is the worst.
That horrible feeling of utter dread and the butterfly sensations in my stomach.
I want the day to already be over with from the moment I wake up.

 

[mehdone]

Waking up is the worst.
That horrible feeling of utter dread and the butterfly sensations in my stomach.
I want the day to already be over with from the moment I wake up.

Yeah. You and me both. I want to just not wake up, but I keep doing it.

 

[Trakehner]

My preferred method is with a firearm. Plan B is hanging since SN seems to get harder and harder to obtain.

I'd like to ctb alone. My last few moments might be full of anxiety yet bittersweet. This is where all roads end. I have nobody and nothing to live for. The suffering I've endured for years is truly painful. However, like all of the nice things I've lost, this life that I loathe will too be over.

Nothing I've ever done, accomplished, or failed will matter. Those who know me may be sad for a week, then return to their normal lives. Maybe it's better that way. It makes it easier to get the job done.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep... soon.

 

[Gleysson]

About my funeral:


When I was a child, and started grasping the concept of death, I didn't want to die at all. The thought of it made me panic so much I would cry and cry and run to my mom. She would comfort me, and it worked for that time

As a teenager, I understood that I had to die at sometime. But I didn't like it. And I was not the most popular I'm town. So if I died, I wanted a great send off. Full of people, my relatives and friends desperate, crying because the most important thing in their lives was now lost.

As I started college, I thought about dying more often. I saw dead people everyday. And I decided that if I were to die, then I would like very few people to come, so there wasn't so much suffering.

When I was suicidal, I wanted to make headlines, as the greatest prodigy of the state just offed himself. Oh! What are we going to do, the future of medicine is over! You'll all miss me you fucks.

Now that I've recovered, I came to the conclusion I don't give an absolute fuck about who comes. I'll be dead, dude. No more worries for me. Done my part, fucked shit up. Come if you want, I wouldn't know.

About dying:

Again as a child, I would never die

As a teenager, I wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. I talked about it with a friend, that when we were old and had cancer, we would jump out of a plane, fully nude, no parachute with a C4 attached to our chest. And just rain guts and pieces on the ground.

As I started college, I feared death. I wanted to die the most painless death. No fear, no pain, no worries. So maybe getting run over by a speeding truck and getting crushed into a wall. I wasn't suicidal (or so I told myself hehehehe), so no proactivity there. Just keep swimming.

When I was full on suicidal, I could never come up with that answer. I wanted to die. I just wanted to go. I didn't want to plan, I didn't want to wait. Fuck it, just do it. And I did. But gravity had another thing in her mind. So she took notice of my orbital weight and said: C'MON OL' CHUNKY BOI, COME DOWN TO MAMA. And the rope snapped, and I faceplanted into cold tiles.

Now I've recovered, I see people die everyday. I see people in pain everyday. I saw 10 minutes ago a son of a bitch in the ER (I'm at work, just taking a break) that did a shit ton of coke, got into his car and drove around. He crashed into a wall and came out completely unscathed. The luck of all heavens was that he didn't hit anybody. The asshole is out of his mind. And two cops were beside him. He has 15 different arrest warrants all related to stealing money from public health companies. Now I want this asshole to die. And I want it to be a hell for him to go. But he's so out of his mind, he won't even be aware he's dying. But I want to be alive to get the news. Sometimes hatred keeps me going.


The more I live, the more I see that the saying "all lives matter the same" is complete bullshit. This asshole's life matters so much less when compared to my friend that died 2 weeks ago going to his shift to another ER. This dude's life mattered more. And he had a future, and a wife, and plans, and he was nice to his patients. Always tried to help. Not all doctors lives matter more though. An anesthesiologist used to put his dick in the mouths of sedated women during surgeries. This dude's life doesn't matter. It's not about your job. It's never about your money or influence. It's about your character. What you do to others in the time you're here.

But I've had some of my patients die on my hands. They usually come in a irreversible state. Anyways, we always try. If they return, most of the time they'll just be severely impaired. Except when they're young. It's always a Russian roulette. They either have some absolute horrible thing happen and live (usually criminals) or have something that's treatable and die or get severely crippled (usually some average person).

Most of the times, in the process of dying, counciousness isn't even there anymore. You can't interpret what you feel because SI is full in place. It takes absolute control. So you'll say you're afraid, and scared, and it hurts or just moan. Many of my patients that came with serious life threatening injuries and amounts of pain undescribable to humans don't even remember it after they've recovered.

So now, I have absolutely no wish of dying. Nor living. I'll do my thing. Today. Today's nice. I have plans for the end of the year. So until then, I may stay. And then we'll see. I'm not going to board the bus just because I stubbed my toe, though. But life continues. And for now, I'll be here. I have my cats to take care of. My nonna to enjoy (and her incomparable tomato sauce and pasta, with artichokes on the side). My mom to appreciate and learn from and feel loved and love. My brother who is my go to for life (and puts me in check when I'm losing it). My GF who verbally stated that if I die she'll kill herself and specifically ask the demons to put us in the same cell so she'll torture me for eternity. My job, which is nice. And of course, my GF's boobs (my main pillar in this world).

If tomorrow I don't. I may want to go. Or not. I don't know. People change. Views change.

If life keeps on going, I'm probably going to die of cancer, stroke or heart attack. I'm fat, I smoke and many family members had cancer.

Maybe I'll change. Get healthier. I just lost 10kg in 1 month, so that's a win. Maybe I'll grow old.

Now I have purpose. I'm proud I kept on. I'm stronger. I'm at peace. I did it. It was completely worth it. And although I remember the suffering, I don't remember the pain. It passed. It healed. And what remained, turned into a scar. And scars are awesome sometimes. They tell stories. And I love to talk about this one.

So right now, to the answer to "how would you like to die": dunno, whatever comes, comes. After I die, I'll be dead, so fuck it.


Sorry for the bible. I like to talk

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Hopefully with as little unpleasantness as possible.

 

[Geist]

I've already prepared my method. It's basically just a cocktail of heavy downers such as opioids, benzos and sleeping pills, plus some other things. In theory, I should just pass out and stop breathing.

Just waiting for the right moment, which is probably going to be shortly after new year's, because that's when I'm officially homeless.

 

[Mirved46]

I've always wanted to die by jumping off a height
although i dont want to leave a corpse for random people to take videos of so i dont know how that will happen :/

 

[cosifantutti]

Ideally in my sleep, after a pleasant evening involving nice food, wine and feeling contented. (Very unlikely).

 

[STTP]

Sorry for the bible. I like to talk

Hell, I love to read. Thank you for the amazing reply :) would be good as its own thread, maybe

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would like to die (naturally or using N) while being asleep in my bed. Very simple and peaceful.

 

[mehdone]

As a mortician, I think I'm probably more familiar with death than most.

When you're dead, you're dead. The ones left behind- it's gonna hurt them regardless of the circumstances, because grief fucking sucks.

Yeah, more traumatic deaths hit a bit harder. Sudden and unexpected deaths are more difficult for survivors to process.

But.. I'm guessing that anyone that decides to ctb has made it pretty clear to loved ones that we're not well, and something is going to happen. Most folks aren't that great at hiding emotion or intention, no matter how hard we may try. So there's at least some subconscious preparation for the survivors, at least. Hopefully.

I dunno, I'm drunk, and I forgot where I was going with this.

I think I was heading towards something along the lines of, your funeral doesn't really matter to you- it's for those who you left behind. Not you. Big blowout, crying folks, wailing? Big turnout? Doesn't really matter once you've ctb.

And I'm assuming that I was posting this in response to something, but, once again, I'm drunk, and I forgot what.

 

[IBM0000]

It's ironic of me but I wish it was a heroic death by sacrificing myself. Alternatively, death by US cop but that's impossible since I live half a world away.