Discussion how do you talk to other people who are in the same boat as you about suicidality? if at all

[cogmachine]

i don't talk about it (personal problems) to anyone, but when someone comes at me with such distress i'm stuck as to what to say. it feels disingenuous to be cheerful about it (because i agree with what they say usually), but i also wouldn't want for them to fall into a pit of despair because of what i said, however i don't want them feeling alone in feeling like this, like how people on this forum managed to make me feel like with their responses and similar mentality. it feels like i have no right to criticize because i relate to their struggles on a level of lack of meaning and overall lost. conundrum of morality because i don't want to drag people with me to hopelessness, as i will have hope they'll manage to turn their life around. i hope this makes sense.

 

[stoopid]

Just be honest, like here. People are most like already in some kind of despair if they're suicidal.

It would be great if they could turn their life around but cmon bro, this is not a sitcom. Life is nasty, unfair and cruel, to be that optimistic is more more insane to be suicidal itself.

Our time is limited anyways and it's absolute madness to stretch the time given just to suffer more, and more, and more, and more to a point where someone actually gets insane and probably hurt someone completely unrelated.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

i don't talk about it (personal problems) to anyone, but when someone comes at me with such distress i'm stuck as to what to say. it feels disingenuous to be cheerful about it (because i agree with what they say usually), but i also wouldn't want for them to fall into a pit of despair because of what i said, however i don't want them feeling alone in feeling like this, like how people on this forum managed to make me feel like with their responses and similar mentality. it feels like i have no right to criticize because i relate to their struggles on a level of lack of meaning and overall lost. conundrum of morality because i don't want to drag people with me to hopelessness, as i will have hope they'll manage to turn their life around. i hope this makes sense.

Usually I don't know what to say too, as I'm no expert or wordsmith, so I would be all ears. If it was safe, I would say "I'm suicidal, too. If you are ok please tell me what torments you."

 

[cogmachine]

Just be honest, like here. People are most like already in some kind of despair if they're suicidal.

It would be great if they could turn their life around but cmon bro, this is not a sitcom. Life is nasty, unfair and cruel, to be that optimistic is more more insane to be suicidal itself.

Our time is limited anyways and it's absolute madness to stretch the time given just to suffer more, and more, and more, and more to a point where someone actually gets insane and probably hurt someone completely unrelated.

i don't think having hope for someone is being delusionally optimistic. that sort of treatment / talk feels like it should only be for last resort. but i understand your point in the case of them completely giving up on life, as difficult it would be to pinpoint how lost and stuck they feel at that moment.

Usually I don't know what to say too, as I'm no expert or wordsmith, so I would be all ears. If it was safe, I would say "I'm suicidal, too. If you are ok please tell me what torments you."

i suppose the very few ways to deal with it is to tough it out and support eachother like this, thank you for your response.

 

[Archness]

Depends on if things can get better or they're completely fucked.

Try to make things better if you can. But if they're doomed, you should still be there for them. Either way, you should open up somewhat.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, being all positive and saying invalidating platitudes like "it gets better" is really insensitive, and I can imagine that people who are suicidal want to have their feelings validated and wish to be understood. It's better to be realistic than to force positivity, only the individual knows if there is potential for their situation to improve or even if they want to stay here in the first place.

 

[Next-to-Nil]

Just be honest, like here. People are most like already in some kind of despair if they're suicidal.

It would be great if they could turn their life around but cmon bro, this is not a sitcom. Life is nasty, unfair and cruel, to be that optimistic is more more insane to be suicidal itself.

Our time is limited anyways and it's absolute madness to stretch the time given just to suffer more, and more, and more, and more to a point where someone actually gets insane and probably hurt someone completely unrelated.

THIS! Believe me, as someone who tried to confide to others in the past. When we reach that point, we're usually not looking for someone who is going to magically fix the problem with a few kind words. We're looking for someone who gets it and can listen without judgement, understand the point of view, and accept our words without judgement. If you can provide them with that, even if with nothing else, they'll very likely be thankful for it. We always feel like we have to add our two cents (and I realize that's exactly what I'm doing right now but, hey; I'm a hypocrite) but sometimes just being there and listening is what people want.

 

[Veraz]

It can definitely be a delicate balance at times. I think the best way to communicate with someone who is in despair or who is suicidal is to just stay relatively neutral. Hear them out, make them feel validated, and be supportive. A lot of the time people just really need to vent, and the simple process of being there to listen and let them get it all out can be all that's needed sometimes.

It's also a good idea to avoid offering solutions unless specifically asked to. The reason being that if the solution you offer is something they have already tried and it didn't work, it can very easily cause them to feel even more trapped. When they hear solutions they've already tried, it just reaffirms to them the belief that nothing they can do will ever change anything. It's a very easy loop to fall into.


One of the reasons I like this forum so much more than any of the others I've been to, is because the people here really do get it. Everyone here knows what it feels like to suffer, and that ends up making me feel a lot less alone, even if just for a little while.