Help How do you live life as a pariah?

[1up]

I'm extremely mentally unwell to the point where it's physically visible. People frequently point out my anxious and awkward demeanor and make fun of me. I'm a subhuman creature, and everyone knows it. I'm not accepted where I am.

I wish my problems were just social anxiety, but it's deeply rooted. I have AVPD and Schizoaffective Disorder and probably Asperger's (along with many other mental illnesses). I get extremely self conscious and somewhat delusional everyday. I don't know how to live life let alone recover with all of these problems. I've been bullied my whole life either from my parents or from my peers. I have no place in this world, but I have a family that loves me.

It's evident that someone like me will always be living in desolation. I just don't know how to do it. I find it very painful, and I would much rather be dead.

 

[Groundhog_Day]

Sorry you are dealing with so much. I have severe social anxiety and avpd, plus very ugly and deformed from Marfan syndrome.

It's very hard, having panic attacks around people, and reliving the shame and embarrassment afterwards.

I'm trying mindfulness, but at the moment am finding it hard. Hopefully someone else can give some better advice. Just know at least on the anxiety and avpd front, you are not alone, it really sucks.