How do you keep up the momentum to ftb when you're date is delayed

[Marawa]

I believe I have my method and if it could be carried out today or yesterday I'm ready.
But most attempts happen when I'm hysterically upset. I fear some false hope will creep in & trick me into seeing things might work out, when it's not true.
how do you keep up the level of rage or whatever to keep your SI or fear of the unknown in check?

 

[whatever1111]

I think its similar to any activity or decision - some people are better at doing stuff, being decisive, then others. I guess every person knows, at least to some extent, his/hers weaknesses and strenghts, and there's no simple recipe for creativity or destruction. if ctb was easy, there would be no alcoholics, drug addicts, and all kind of marginals... at least, thats how its seems to me

 

[Marawa]

I think its similar to any activity or decision - some people are better at doing stuff, being decisive, then others. I guess every person knows, at least to some extent, his/hers weaknesses and strenghts, and there's no simple recipe for creativity or destruction. if ctb was easy, there would be no alcoholics, drug addicts, and all kind of marginals... at least, thats how its seems to me

Yes I'm realizing that now. I've decided on contacting an especially cruel family member so they're usual cruel response will get me back to reality of no hope. thanks for responding

 

[whatever1111]

Yes I'm realizing that now. I've decided on contacting an especially cruel family member so they're usual cruel response will get me back to reality of no hope. thanks for responding

maybe you should reconsider ctb - I think ctb should be a last resort, at least in some sense a rational decision based on knowing one's way of functioning and the problems that lie ahead. if you need others to push you into ctb, maybe your situation is not hopeless, and your wanting to ctb is a way of self-hatred or something of the sort.

 

[F_ckthisplace]

I have the same problem. Need that adrenaline in me to get it done.

 

[Marawa]

I appreciate that, I'm pro life myself. But I've been dealing with my situation 11yrs, involving chronic pain, other health problems & I can't even get regular healthcare, so I'm physically suffering too.
& in 10 yrs of trying nothing has worked, in fact its gotten horribly worse.
I can't work, even drive or cook unattended. agoraphobia so I'm basically homebound. I've had social workers that would come to house but that wasn't enough to keep me from suffering horrible things
if I could think of 1 way out I wouldn't even be contemplating this.

 

[whatever1111]

I appreciate that, I'm pro life myself. But I've been dealing with my situation 11yrs, involving chronic pain, other health problems & I can't even get regular healthcare, so I'm physically suffering too.
& in 10 yrs of trying nothing has worked, in fact its gotten horribly worse.
I can't work, even drive or cook unattended. agoraphobia so I'm basically homebound. I've had social workers that would come to house but that wasn't enough to keep me from suffering horrible things
if I could think of 1 way out I wouldn't even be contemplating this.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, no one should go through a situation as the one you've just described :( my heart is with you...
I don't care for labels, but yeah, I definitely see as much beauty in life as senseless suffering... it's a heart-wrenching gamble

 

[Marawa]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, no one should go through a situation as the one you've just described :( my heart is with you...
I don't care for labels, but yeah, I definitely see as much beauty in life as senseless suffering... it's a heart-wrenching gamble

thank you for the kind words. I appreciate every bit of kindness I can find before I can ctb.