How do you imagine your suicide?

[lotus11]

How would you like your suicide to be? I don't just mean the method, but I mean the whole lead up to it, the day or week before perhaps, th location, will you have any special things surrounding you? Etc?

For me I must suicide in a different country to the one I was born. I am stuck here at the moment which is one reason I can't manage to go yet. I hated so much being born here I am determined not to die here too. I probably would be in a nice hotel room in the bath and take sn while I am in the bath. Die by drowning probably wouldn't be successful. I would like to be surrounded by some things that are important to me. My favourite colour white for example. I don't know if I will right a note, apart from one to the cleaner not to come in the bathroom. If I do would be to my ex boyfriend, but I'm not even sure about that.

So what about you guys? I'm looking for any ideas...

 

[newave3]

It's gonna be dope.

 

[FuneralCry]

In an ideal world, I would like to take N in a forest and feel at peace with everything and be glad that I will finally be free from this existence. I think in reality I will probably end up exiting this world by hanging. I will probably have to reach a point of desperation to be able to overcome the SI. I think the days leading up to it will be painful. It is hard to let go of life and I wish it was easier. I will probably spend time reflecting on everything before I exit this world. I will probably listen to some music.

 

[fox_wannabe]

It's gonna be dope.

Love this dude XD

It will be few inhales.. and than freedom.
If cease to exist, fine.
If I leave the body I will go somewhere peaceful.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

No preferences, method depends on if I get SN or not. If not I might just never get around to doing it until I have a gun.

 

[Anonymous_A]

Holy shit. I've rambled on for a minute typing this in my notes lol. Long as shit



I'll have fasted a while, 16 or so hours. No meds, just 25g/50ml sn. I've only got 50g sn, which I've divided into two airtight containers.
I live alone in my flat: somewhat ideal scenario.

So
I'll be sat at the end of my bed overthinking. My desk/cabinet is directly across from me, at arms length where my sn has been for nearly a year now.
Anyways I'll be overthinking…
Overthinking the ways my life has gone and where it could have gone.
Overthinking that if I actually do this I'll die.
Overthinking in silence for a while, talking to myself (in my head obvs lol). Reminiscing both good and bad times, concluding that everything that has happens is "life" and in the end that's all life really is.
I'll be thinking where my life could have gone. Probably thinking of scenarios where if I ask for help, talk out then maybe I'll get better.
But hopefully I'll conclude to the final idea that there isn't really any reason to try since I'll probably at a later date anyways. (Since my dads 78, and hes the only reason I'm still here, he's getting old so)

Concluding that after spending a year of endless days/nights thinking about ctb and not getting better/help I've chose this decision

Anyways. after talking to myself in silence I'll probably put my headphones in playing something like, linkin park- in the end. Or moderat-animal kingdom. I'll probably hyper myself up. Holding my nose, I'll neck the sn. I'll probably be panicking (maybe roll up a menthol) my breathing will get worse, my neck will probably tighten..a lot other things my body will do as I'll be scared shitless.
Since it's not 'real' pain I'll just listen to the lyrics and hopefully by the time either song ands, I'll be dead.

However, my dad visits Saturday and Monday around 6-7pm.
He's got his own key but this isn't no problem, as he literally never visits outside of those days.

Hopefully being dead, my dad will visit and discover me. He will be shocked, cry maybe even sit with my body. Probably not come to the idea that I'm actually dead. Questioning wtf. Time will probably stop for him. He won't be able to gasp what has happened. Whilst crying he maybe ring 999, or the neighbours will hear him crying. Then the ems will arrive take my body and my dad will be left to process the situation.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Hopefully being dead, my dad will visit and discover me. He will be shocked, cry maybe even sit with my body. Probably not come to the idea that I'm actually dead. Questioning wtf. Time will probably stop for him. He won't be able to gasp what has happened. Whilst crying he maybe ring 999, or the neighbours will hear him crying. Then the ems will arrive take my body and my dad will be left to process the situation.

Are you ok with parents finding your body? I am a bit weary about this part myself. I don't know if my dad will be ever ok afterwards.

He might be traumatized. I will probably do It in hotel. But at the same time I want to do It in my house. What do you guys think?

 

[Anonymous_A]

Are you ok with parents finding your body? I am a bit weary about this part myself. I don't know if my dad will be ever ok afterwards.

He might be traumatized. I will probably do It in hotel. But at the same time I want to do It in my house. What do you guys think?

guess so. Obviously it will devistate my dad but he's 78. He's experienced death a lot. Family, brothers, parents and close/distant friends that have passed away and he literally seems to brush it off. (ik he's old/his generation handles stuff different) but it doesn't seem to phase him. And hes past the living expectancy iirc

There was a suicide of somebody he closely knew/worked with, for about 20 years and as we were passing the place where the dude ctb, he was literally like 'ah well, what can you do about it?'

 

[fox_wannabe]

guess so. Obviously it will devistate my dad but he's 78. He's experienced death a lot. Family, brothers, parents and close/distant friends that have passed away and he literally seems to brush it off.

My father is much younger and he doesn't suspect me to die. It is hard. I am afraid he will lament seeing my body. I thin I should do it in hotel, but I would have to somehow smuggle argon tank into hotel. probably in suitcase.

 

[back_to_oblivion]

Best case scenario is that I ctb with N or SN, carbon monoxide poisoning is also an option. I also looked into cyanide but that's very difficult to get and I'm not sure how painful it is, it was used a lot in WW2. I tried reading some accounts of nazis that committed suicide at the end of WW2 but no one actually saw the process of dying using cyanide. So there's not much information on that but it is very effective. Then there is hanging, in my case if I choose this method it will be full suspension because I want it to be effective and keep the chance of survival to a minimum. Partial hanging is just too unreliable. This method is probably the least ideal, but also the easiest one and ready at hand. I already have good rope with very high breaking strength so it should be reliable.

One day I'll reach the point of just wanting it to be over so badly that it won't matter how and if having to go through pain to stop this existence is the price to pay then so be it. When I die I won't even remember that anymore, I will cease to exist, it will be as if I never even existed in the first place and everything will be gone and forgotten, swept away by death. I will probably drink until I'm drunk before ctb, just to numb myself, to be more impulsive and just do it, not overthink it and listen to some music before and during it. I'll also mentally prepare myself for suicide. Inflicting harm and pain on myself so I become hardened and used to the idea of suicide. Also become very detached from my life, remembering that I'm not that important, that I'm really nothing. Just some flesh and bones, a biological machine. That the universe existed for more than 13 billion years, earth 4 billion, humanity 200,000 years and that during most of it I didn't even exist and it will be the same after my death and that my life is nothing compared to all that. That life was the exception and that death is a return to the norm. That I'll die one day anyway and that I'm just bringing my inevitable fate forward to an earlier time, simply advancing the date of my death.

I'm perfectly fine with the idea of dying, I'm just worried how others will handle it, I think my dad can handle it but women are more emotional and I'm worried it'll ruin my mom and she'll be a sad old woman for the rest of her life. But one day I will want suicide desperately enough that I won't even think of that. I'm not sure about leaving a note, I think maybe I will because that may provide more closure.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Likely not as discreet or unproblematic as planned. I have an unwanted talent of ruining things when I try hard not to ruin them.

 

[PinkSakura]

Bedroom, I'm going to buy a leather jacket because I've never owned one before and I think they're cool, and I'm going to listen to Utada Hikaru albums all day because she's my favourite singer

 

[wastedtime]

In my first times I nearly attempted I was surprisingly calm and optimistic about this being the time I finally die. As I get older it scares me more and more. I'm probably going to have to have something huge to push me through to finally do it, and I'm sure I'll probably start crying as soon as I drink the sn. I'll either watch a movie called Paddleton about a dying man with cancer who euthanizes himself legally and drink the sn when the guy in the movie drinks whatever poison he has, it would feel less like dying alone that way. I'll do that or go out in the middle of the night and walk around for a couple hours while listening to music. I'll just find some parking lot to stay in and take the sn there so somebody who's not my parents or my little brother finds my body. I might go to the parking lot of my old high school just to be somewhere familiar and nostalgic that could comfort me. If I do that I'd go on a weekend so someone can find my body and not have it interrupt anything going on at the school.

 

[ItsTimeToExit]

... Im not sure about leaving a note, I think maybe I will because that may provide more closure.

No need to think if it may or may not.

It will 100% provide closure if you write it correctly. There have been scientific studies on this and it helps the bereaved more than you can possibly fathom.

The important thing is to alleviate guilt by explaining that your actions were your responsibility. Not theirs. The bereaved typically think they were responsible in some way and if your note addresses that it will help.

 

[Sarainia Angelsong]

Well the way I imagine my suicide, is I'm at a hotel I'm in my pretty white dress as the only thing on me, I have a noose around my neck, take some SN, I kick the chair out from under my bare feet and I pass away, btw I have all that with me now as I got my hotel for 3 days/nights I paid for, going there now and I'm certain my ctb is gonna go perfectly tonight. I ate my last meal an hour ago.​

 

[Braindead Atheist]

i'm listening to some soothing and nostalgic music. There's lots of blood and I'm fading out into the void. Or I'm just dead and nothing ever again.

 

[patheticpartner]

I anticipate killing myself soon, so I've just been basking in everything that life has to offer to my senses—the scenery, scents, sounds, flavors, feelings, people. All the little things are more beautiful, and even the daily nuisances like traffic and catcalling drunkards are amusing.

I imagine my suicide to be bittersweet and celebratory. I'm leaving with a friend to some music and SN in a motel.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Lonely, quiet and anxious.

 

[ItsTimeToExit]

Well the way I imagine my suicide, is I'm at a hotel I'm in my pretty white dress as the only thing on me, I have a noose around my neck, take some SN, I kick the chair out from under my bare feet and I pass away, btw I have all that with me now as I got my hotel for 3 days/nights I paid for, going there now and I'm certain my ctb is gonna go perfectly tonight. I ate my last meal an hour ago.​

May you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Well the way I imagine my suicide, is I'm at a hotel I'm in my pretty white dress as the only thing on me, I have a noose around my neck, take some SN, I kick the chair out from under my bare feet and I pass away, btw I have all that with me now as I got my hotel for 3 days/nights I paid for, going there now and I'm certain my ctb is gonna go perfectly tonight. I ate my last meal an hour ago.​

Wish you peace

 

[Wrennie]

I'd *like* for my suicide to be quick, painless, and a guaranteed ticket off of this earth.
But who am I fooling?
Likely it will be spent with me fearful, alone, & writhing in agony.
Much like every other aspect of my existence thus far.

 

[ElyNoFantasy]

I will be in total serenity, maybe even days before it happens. My anxiety will vanish as I know that nothing matters anymore. That my suffering will finally come to an end.


I will lie to my parents and tell them I'll go visit a non existing friend that I have introduced to them a few days ago, for them not to worry of my absence of text replies for the night and a few hours.

I'll book an expensive flat at the top of a beautiful tower in my city, with windows everywhere and 360° view.

I'll go there with all my ''equipment''. First I will visit everywhere, lie in all the available beds, for fun.

Then it will be time. Time to commit.
I'll have an antiemetic, then prepare with cautian the SN solution. 3 glasses, in case I throw up.

I'll transfer all my money to the best friend I've ever have, who saved my life countless times even without knowing it. I hope it will make his life a little easier. He knows about me. He's sad, but he knows he can't do anything and respect my decision. He's the only one I could tell.

When the timing is good after the antiemetic, I'll rub an ice cube on my tongue not to feel the taste of the SN water I'll drink.

Then, I'll go lie in the bathtub, in cold water. Because I really don't want to fail this time, and maybe hypothermia would help as well.

I'll be smiling, maybe crying because of the relief of my book soon being closed. Maybe I'll laugh too !
Then the SN will begin to produce its effect. It won't be comfortable, but life would have been far, far worse. I'll endure it, trying to make as little noise as possible while I'm conscious.

And my mind will go, peacefully.

And I hope I'll never wake up again in this nightmare of a life.

I hope I won't fail this time.

 

[Pisceslilith]

I see myself sitting on my own living room floor (when I'm able to move out), with N in my hand, I send out my drafts that I've written and then I swallow the N and just lay down and finally lights out. I wish I could do it right now instead of just imagining it.

 

[Sra_TZ]

I imagine my suicide to be quite painful- I don't why, I just do. Both physically and emotionally. I will leave a message for my best friend when she's asleep, so she doesn't have to cry and convince me not to do it. The week leading up to it will be more normal than any week in my life has ever been. I have to be careful to not drop any hints. I want to be absolutely alone, and not surrounded by anyone or anything other than materials needed for suicide.
~S

 

[Braindead Atheist]

I'd *like* for my suicide to be quick, painless, and a guaranteed ticket off of this earth.
But who am I fooling?
Likely it will be spent with me fearful, alone, & writhing in agony.
Much like every other aspect of my existence thus far.

Yeah, I'm thinking there's going to be a lot of pain; both physical and mental. A lot of crying and probably vomit, blood and gore. I don't give a shit about morales. That shit is all in people's head. There is no life after death. I know that for a fact.

I will be in total serenity, maybe even days before it happens. My anxiety will vanish as I know that nothing matters anymore. That my suffering will finally come to an end.


I will lie to my parents and tell them I'll go visit a non existing friend that I have introduced to them a few days ago, for them not to worry of my absence of text replies for the night and a few hours.

I'll book an expensive flat at the top of a beautiful tower in my city, with windows everywhere and 360° view.

I'll go there with all my ''equipment''. First I will visit everywhere, lie in all the available beds, for fun.

Then it will be time. Time to commit.
I'll have an antiemetic, then prepare with cautian the SN solution. 3 glasses, in case I throw up.

I'll transfer all my money to the best friend I've ever have, who saved my life countless times even without knowing it. I hope it will make his life a little easier. He knows about me. He's sad, but he knows he can't do anything and respect my decision. He's the only one I could tell.

When the timing is good after the antiemetic, I'll rub an ice cube on my tongue not to feel the taste of the SN water I'll drink.

Then, I'll go lie in the bathtub, in cold water. Because I really don't want to fail this time, and maybe hypothermia would help as well.

I'll be smiling, maybe crying because of the relief of my book soon being closed. Maybe I'll laugh too !
Then the SN will begin to produce its effect. It won't be comfortable, but life would have been far, far worse. I'll endure it, trying to make as little noise as possible while I'm conscious.

And my mind will go, peacefully.

And I hope I'll never wake up again in this nightmare of a life.

I hope I won't fail this time.

I've tried to kill myself with benedrill and trust me you are going to want to make yourself comfortable! Don't make yourself bathe in ice cold water. Make your bed, get one of those super soft blankets and then turn on some music. Perhaps something soothing or your favorite song. Then message your favorite people for comfort as you will feel so alone in your final moments if you don't. I already know that I'm going to message my favorite high school teacher, para and counselor and my elementary school teacher, Mrs.Brun. Not as a goodbye, but just to talk. That's how they would have wanted it anyways.

 

[VioletMalibu]

I just want it to be like any other day. It might be nice to go for a very long drive and to feel the sun on my face and hair one last time. In a fantasy world, I'd just park the car and go to sleep.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

"How would you like your suicide to be?" It sounds a little like: "How do you plan your wedding".

If it would be possible to celebrate your suicide like something very positive it would be great. I have red that suicide was kind of a celebration in ancient times were friends were invited to accompany you on one of the most important days in your life.

At least a well planned suicide will more likely succeed than a spontaneous one.

For me it is important, that my family and friends will not find my cadaver. In best case I will disappear without a trace. My planning to achieve this is already completed. I will hang myself in a remote forest, the tree is already indentified and waiting for me.

 

[tryingtoescape]

I will be in total serenity, maybe even days before it happens. My anxiety will vanish as I know that nothing matters anymore. That my suffering will finally come to an end.


I will lie to my parents and tell them I'll go visit a non existing friend that I have introduced to them a few days ago, for them not to worry of my absence of text replies for the night and a few hours.

I'll book an expensive flat at the top of a beautiful tower in my city, with windows everywhere and 360° view.

I'll go there with all my ''equipment''. First I will visit everywhere, lie in all the available beds, for fun.

Then it will be time. Time to commit.
I'll have an antiemetic, then prepare with cautian the SN solution. 3 glasses, in case I throw up.

I'll transfer all my money to the best friend I've ever have, who saved my life countless times even without knowing it. I hope it will make his life a little easier. He knows about me. He's sad, but he knows he can't do anything and respect my decision. He's the only one I could tell.

When the timing is good after the antiemetic, I'll rub an ice cube on my tongue not to feel the taste of the SN water I'll drink.

Then, I'll go lie in the bathtub, in cold water. Because I really don't want to fail this time, and maybe hypothermia would help as well.

I'll be smiling, maybe crying because of the relief of my book soon being closed. Maybe I'll laugh too !
Then the SN will begin to produce its effect. It won't be comfortable, but life would have been far, far worse. I'll endure it, trying to make as little noise as possible while I'm conscious.

And my mind will go, peacefully.

And I hope I'll never wake up again in this nightmare of a life.

I hope I won't fail this time.

That sounds really peaceful. Could you share why you'll be lying in the bathtub? I'd prefer lying on the bed or floor or a couch for more comfort but I'm assuming it's because you want to drown while unconscious?

 

[Jblack]

I step off the platform, drop slightly and feel the rope snap me back. I feel the noose tighten, there are a few seconds of discomfort and everything goes black. I feel nothing anymore and hang there as life passes out of my body. The body that was me once, returns back to nature.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

I just want it to be like any other day. It might be nice to go for a very long drive and to feel the sun on my face and hair one last time. In a fantasy world, I'd just park the car and go to sleep.

That sounds so nice! Oh-or a field of flowers would be good! That sounds so nice...

Holy shit. I've rambled on for a minute typing this in my notes lol. Long as shit



I'll have fasted a while, 16 or so hours. No meds, just 25g/50ml sn. I've only got 50g sn, which I've divided into two airtight containers.
I live alone in my flat: somewhat ideal scenario.

So
I'll be sat at the end of my bed overthinking. My desk/cabinet is directly across from me, at arms length where my sn has been for nearly a year now.
Anyways I'll be overthinking…
Overthinking the ways my life has gone and where it could have gone.
Overthinking that if I actually do this I'll die.
Overthinking in silence for a while, talking to myself (in my head obvs lol). Reminiscing both good and bad times, concluding that everything that has happens is "life" and in the end that's all life really is.
I'll be thinking where my life could have gone. Probably thinking of scenarios where if I ask for help, talk out then maybe I'll get better.
But hopefully I'll conclude to the final idea that there isn't really any reason to try since I'll probably at a later date anyways. (Since my dads 78, and hes the only reason I'm still here, he's getting old so)

Concluding that after spending a year of endless days/nights thinking about ctb and not getting better/help I've chose this decision

Anyways. after talking to myself in silence I'll probably put my headphones in playing something like, linkin park- in the end. Or moderat-animal kingdom. I'll probably hyper myself up. Holding my nose, I'll neck the sn. I'll probably be panicking (maybe roll up a menthol) my breathing will get worse, my neck will probably tighten..a lot other things my body will do as I'll be scared shitless.
Since it's not 'real' pain I'll just listen to the lyrics and hopefully by the time either song ands, I'll be dead.

However, my dad visits Saturday and Monday around 6-7pm.
He's got his own key but this isn't no problem, as he literally never visits outside of those days.

Hopefully being dead, my dad will visit and discover me. He will be shocked, cry maybe even sit with my body. Probably not come to the idea that I'm actually dead. Questioning wtf. Time will probably stop for him. He won't be able to gasp what has happened. Whilst crying he maybe ring 999, or the neighbours will hear him crying. Then the ems will arrive take my body and my dad will be left to process the situation.

The way you describe your death is the most honest one I've seen.