kovu
unendlichkeit
- Nov 15, 2021
- 80
My thoughts and lines of thinking are very fickle; I can't seem to settle on anything. It's as though there's a group of sheep grassing on my mind, and every sheep's a thought, and I'm just standing there, beating myself with a shepherd's crook—how do you herd those damn beasts!?
I started a new job a week ago, and I'm already questioning whether it was a good move. I mean, I don't want to continue being a neet (especially because I need to get out of my current living situation). But! I don't know if I shouldn't have chosen something different. This current job is a perfect fit for my business college education, and it offers further education/training, stability, and security, but I don't know. Maybe I would've liked to study more before choosing a long-term career? But I need the money to move out! And I could study at a later time, after my escape... But what if I'll be stuck there forever? There are people switching careers in their thirties, forties, and fifties, but I just... I don't know, and this job starts with a two-year training period, so it's a big commitment; I wouldn't want to throw all that education out the window should I move on to another career at a later date.
...do you see my problem?
As for my non-work life, I love to write. However, I've also always had a thing for drawing, sketching. At times, I've focused on one, and at other times, on the other. Now, both hobbies are quite time-intensive and require a lot of (if possible) daily practice. So, I'd like to focus on one—especially now that I have way less free time. For the past few weeks, I focused solely on writing. Before that, I had a few weeks of solely drawing. Should I try to go after both? Should I specialise? Should I switch back and forth, focus, look for something else, give up...?
Every time I manage to pin one of those thoughts down, every time I'm like, 'Yeah, writing's the hobby I enjoy more and want to improve at as much as possible!' etc., the commitment crumbles after a couple of weeks at best. Maybe I don't like either and am just terribly afraid of looking back one day and regretting that I didn't use my time purposely but allowed it to trickle away watching YouTube videos and Netflix shows.
Even though I should simply be glad that I've managed to land a job and gained the opportunity to amass some money so that I may afford my own place in the coming months, I cannot help myself. Worrying is hardwired into my brain, it seems. I hate my thought sheep—unruly beasts.
I started a new job a week ago, and I'm already questioning whether it was a good move. I mean, I don't want to continue being a neet (especially because I need to get out of my current living situation). But! I don't know if I shouldn't have chosen something different. This current job is a perfect fit for my business college education, and it offers further education/training, stability, and security, but I don't know. Maybe I would've liked to study more before choosing a long-term career? But I need the money to move out! And I could study at a later time, after my escape... But what if I'll be stuck there forever? There are people switching careers in their thirties, forties, and fifties, but I just... I don't know, and this job starts with a two-year training period, so it's a big commitment; I wouldn't want to throw all that education out the window should I move on to another career at a later date.
...do you see my problem?
As for my non-work life, I love to write. However, I've also always had a thing for drawing, sketching. At times, I've focused on one, and at other times, on the other. Now, both hobbies are quite time-intensive and require a lot of (if possible) daily practice. So, I'd like to focus on one—especially now that I have way less free time. For the past few weeks, I focused solely on writing. Before that, I had a few weeks of solely drawing. Should I try to go after both? Should I specialise? Should I switch back and forth, focus, look for something else, give up...?
Every time I manage to pin one of those thoughts down, every time I'm like, 'Yeah, writing's the hobby I enjoy more and want to improve at as much as possible!' etc., the commitment crumbles after a couple of weeks at best. Maybe I don't like either and am just terribly afraid of looking back one day and regretting that I didn't use my time purposely but allowed it to trickle away watching YouTube videos and Netflix shows.
Even though I should simply be glad that I've managed to land a job and gained the opportunity to amass some money so that I may afford my own place in the coming months, I cannot help myself. Worrying is hardwired into my brain, it seems. I hate my thought sheep—unruly beasts.
