How do you feel about having a CTB audience?

[sadman710]

What I mean is, would you rather if you chose to CTB, have it be completely private, have an audience, or do you not care? Curious on others takes.

If I did I could have the option to where no one would notice, or there could be hundreds / thousands of people, helicopters, people screaming at me with a megaphone, news crews filming me.

On one hand, having no interference and a private no stress from other people would be nice. But it would on the other side would be like a worm dying in soil.

On the other hand, having an audience would give exposure that this is real life that there are very miserable people in this world, people might investigate your life and you could end up in a wiki article, but the other side is you might traumatize them, or their actions could interfere, or the news will write about your CTB and humiliate your family with media exposure.

The middle is you couldn't give a shit who sees or doesn't because you're going to be dead anyways.

Some people do things like CTB alone in their house / hotel room, go to the middle of the forest, others will scream and shout before they jump from a crowded area of town in the middle of the day and make a big scene, or livestream themselves.

 

[sserafim]

I don't care but I'd prefer it to be private. I'm definitely not livestreaming mine; I don't know why people do that

 

[sadman710]

I don't care but I'd prefer it to be private. I'm definitely not livestreaming mine; I don't know why people do that

One reason is attention, but on the other side the pressure from having people expecting you or knowing if you don't proceed you'll wind up involuntarily committed presses people to go forward with it.

I prefer privacy too but sometimes I think there are some reasons people purposely pick an audience. It could go either way, sometimes an audience will make SI worse or make the plan fail.

 

[Agon321]

I don't want to be a monkey in a zoo being watched by people.
I want to do it alone on my own terms.
Just me, my thoughts and a passage to the other side.

 

[AnyWonderBR]

I refuse to be a circus monkey, in front of an audience actively Shooting at me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just want to die in peace, far away from this repulsive human species. If it's up to me I'd choose to erase my existence so it's like I never existed at all, I just want to be forgotten about.

 

[sadman710]

Supposedly there is a story of a Norwegian guy who CTB by hanging himself with a big rope length from a multi storey balcony and superglued his hands to the sides of his head.

It honestly gave me second thoughts. Usually my mood is just miserable and wanting to be away from this human virus but the thought of making this process a bit unique seems to lower the SI for me personally.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I want my death to be private. I honestly don't even want to make a goodbye thread but I will make a final thread defending this site so that pro lifers won't place their words in my mouth and say things that I would never say. I want them to know that I like and support this site as well as how it isn't because of this site that I'm ctb-ing but rather because of society itself and the other issues present in life

 

[BardBarrie]

What I mean is, would you rather if you chose to CTB, have it be completely private, have an audience, or do you not care? Curious on others takes.

If I did I could have the option to where no one would notice, or there could be hundreds / thousands of people, helicopters, people screaming at me with a megaphone, news crews filming me.

On one hand, having no interference and a private no stress from other people would be nice. But it would on the other side would be like a worm dying in soil.

On the other hand, having an audience would give exposure that this is real life that there are very miserable people in this world, people might investigate your life and you could end up in a wiki article, but the other side is you might traumatize them, or their actions could interfere, or the news will write about your CTB and humiliate your family with media exposure.

The middle is you couldn't give a shit who sees or doesn't because you're going to be dead anyways.

Some people do things like CTB alone in their house / hotel room, go to the middle of the forest, others will scream and shout before they jump from a crowded area of town in the middle of the day and make a big scene, or livestream themselves.

Personally I'd much rather go privately, inside my own place of living.
I'd only ever CTB outside as a last resort, and would try to find some place quiet.

If I've somehow acquired an audience then I've already failed.

 

[sadman710]

Personally I'd much rather go privately, inside my own place of living.
I'd only ever CTB outside as a last resort, and would try to find some place quiet.

If I've somehow acquired an audience then I've already failed.

This is my thoughts on most days. I'd rather minimize risk and attention. It could go very bad very easily in the wrong circumstances or people and make your last moments stressful as hell.

 

[BardBarrie]

This is my thoughts on most days. I'd rather minimize risk and attention. It could go very bad very easily in the wrong circumstances or people and make your last moments stressful as hell.

The method I'm going for is hanging, so it wouldn't exactly work with an audience anyway lol.

 

[sadman710]

The method I'm going for is hanging, so it wouldn't exactly work with an audience anyway lol.

I just have grown to hate hanging. It's so fucking uncomfortable and painful / stressful. It's some people's way. But I've learned it's not for me. I'm never personally going to risk a remote chance of failure or discomfort. That left me with high doses of a cocktail of narcotics or jumping, or a combination of both. I think my number one way personally would be to have a big bottle of vodka, a full bottle of Xanax, a full bottle of oxy, and a syringe in a remote snow covered place in Norrland.

 

[LunarGirl]

I would rather go privately. It is an act that is personal for me and I would want to take at my own pace, in the comfort of my own home.
However, I still would like to leave something behind for others after being found. I'd want people to know how I felt and such but only after going on my own in private.

 

[GoroMajima13]

Much rather be private. I dont want someone to be there recording it. Posting it online.

 

[BardBarrie]

I just have grown to hate hanging. It's so fucking uncomfortable and painful / stressful. It's some people's way. But I've learned it's not for me. I'm never personally going to risk a remote chance of failure or discomfort. That left me with high doses of a cocktail of narcotics or jumping, or a combination of both. I think my number one way personally would be to have a big bottle of vodka, a full bottle of Xanax, a full bottle of oxy, and a syringe in a remote snow covered place in Norrland.

At home I've built a metal standing gym thing with a horizontal bar for pull-ups across the top, I just haven't stress-tested it with rope yet — I'm worried the metal is too thin and won't hold my weight.

Should that be the case I'll have to try and find a suitable tree, or some sort of durable horizontal bar outside — there's always climbing frames at playgrounds at night, but I really don't want to have to potentially subject children to my hanging corpse the following morning.

If you're happy/competent using a syringe, Fentanyl seems to be a reliable method.

 

[sadman710]

At home I've built a metal standing gym thing with a horizontal bar for pull-ups across the top, I just haven't stress-tested it with rope yet — I'm worried the metal is too thin and won't hold my weight.

Should that be the case I'll have to try and find a suitable tree, or some sort of durable horizontal bar outside — there's always climbing frames at playgrounds at night, but I really don't want to have to potentially subject children to my hanging corpse the following morning.

If you're happy/competent using a syringe, Fentanyl seems to be a reliable method.

Yet I have no clue where to source it. Yet it's everywhere. I only know one person but if I just ran up to them and said HEY I NEED SOME, after what I told them previously, I'm sure they'd be suspicious and deny me.

 

[BardBarrie]

Yet I have no clue where to source it. Yet it's everywhere. I only know one person but if I just ran up to them and said HEY I NEED SOME, after what I told them previously, I'm sure they'd be suspicious and deny me.

Yeah it'll require street smarts or familiarity with sourcing via (and using) the dark web, both of which I am hopelessly inadequate with lol.

Heroin is always an option, but the lethal dose is a lot higher.

 

[sadman710]

Yeah it'll require street smarts or familiarity with sourcing via (and using) the dark web, both of which I am hopelessly inadequate with lol.

Heroin is always an option, but the lethal dose is a lot higher.

The idea for me would be to get barred out and drunk, then shoot up. I wouldn't need to hit the LD 50 for any of them. Just high doses. Maybe I should just try going to prison. There are drugs everywhere there.

 

[BardBarrie]

The idea for me would be to get barred out and drunk, then shoot up. I wouldn't need to hit the LD 50 for any of them. Just high doses. Maybe I should just try going to prison. There are drugs everywhere there.

You're hoping to successfully inject into a vein whilst heavily intoxicated? Wouldn't that be near impossible?

 

[sadman710]

You're hoping to successfully inject into a vein whilst heavily intoxicated? Wouldn't that be near impossible?

No. Unless I'm blacked out I can handle substances very well unless I'm at the point where I can't move. The idea for me would to get fucked up and relax, snort a line of oxy / H / F. Then swallow pills / chug a few shots. Immediately after inject the big plunger.

After a few years ago of snorting lines all night of shroom powder nothing really scares me anymore lol.

 

[sash]

Id like to go somewhere secluded surrounded by the nature that will eat and break me down into fertiliser with no-one noticing.

 

[sadman710]

Id like to go somewhere secluded surrounded by the nature that will eat and break me down into fertiliser with no-one noticing.

I feel that. Honestly the best way for me would be to lay in a coffin on a large mountain in Northern Sweden during a snowfall.

The only problem I get doubts of is would I rather be remembered or not. The thing is people who CTB with a lot of people noticing often get written about in the media and people start investigating their lives and make them potentially famous. You write a note that's well thought out that says how sick you were about this society and how it destroyed your life, for example. You can make a bigger difference in this place from the grave potentially.

I don't know. My inside preference says to CTB privately, for comfort during my last moments, but having an effect post death would be interesting.

 

[sash]

I feel that. Honestly the best way for me would be to lay in a coffin on a large mountain in Northern Sweden during a snowfall.

The only problem I get doubts of is would I rather be remembered or not. The thing is people who CTB with a lot of people noticing often get written about in the media and people start investigating their lives and make them potentially famous. You write a note that's well thought out that says how sick you were about this society and how it destroyed your life, for example. You can make a bigger difference in this place from the grave potentially.

I don't know. My inside preference says to CTB privately, for comfort during my last moments, but having an effect post death would be interesting.

Hi
Sadly even if only yr fam was informed, word still gets around, ppl look u up, some kind some cruel, fakes of u lookin bad. Kind words. Bad ppl. So whatever world changing note u leave wont make any difference. Has any note made a difference... Only to loved ones.
Im lucky I have no-one. I used to but stepped away fully last year for my ctb. Back before then I'd worry about how ppl would treat the ones I cared about, u know, the snide comments etc.

What effect would u like to have post death?

 

[nightlygem]

I would not want strangers to watch, but I would want certain people to watch. The ones that have hurt me the most in life. I wouldn't went this to happen because they would try to stop me, but I still have vengeful feelings.

 

[sadman710]

Hi
Sadly even if only yr fam was informed, word still gets around, ppl look u up, some kind some cruel, fakes of u lookin bad. Kind words. Bad ppl. So whatever world changing note u leave wont make any difference. Has any note made a difference... Only to loved ones.
Im lucky I have no-one. I used to but stepped away fully last year for my ctb. Back before then I'd worry about how ppl would treat the ones I cared about, u know, the snide comments etc.

What effect would u like to have post death?

I'm not exactly sure, but it would be pleasant to feel like I had a bigger effect from the grave than just the way I existed in life. It's like the musicians who everyone started paying attention to after they died early, no matter how mediocre they were or a lot of their work was.

I would not want strangers to watch, but I would want certain people to watch. The ones that have hurt me the most in life. I wouldn't went this to happen because they would try to stop me, but I still have vengeful feelings.

I'm honestly thinking if I write a note I want it to contain a big fuck you section to everyone who pissed on my world for no reason at all. They will be the first ones probably to suddenly act like they care and I want everyone who really do care about me to tell them to go fuck themselves.

 

[Niyxx]

What I mean is, would you rather if you chose to CTB, have it be completely private, have an audience, or do you not care? Curious on others takes.

If I did I could have the option to where no one would notice, or there could be hundreds / thousands of people, helicopters, people screaming at me with a megaphone, news crews filming me.

On one hand, having no interference and a private no stress from other people would be nice. But it would on the other side would be like a worm dying in soil.

On the other hand, having an audience would give exposure that this is real life that there are very miserable people in this world, people might investigate your life and you could end up in a wiki article, but the other side is you might traumatize them, or their actions could interfere, or the news will write about your CTB and humiliate your family with media exposure.

The middle is you couldn't give a shit who sees or doesn't because you're going to be dead anyways.

Some people do things like CTB alone in their house / hotel room, go to the middle of the forest, others will scream and shout before they jump from a crowded area of town in the middle of the day and make a big scene, or livestream themselves.

In my head I imagine people watching me, when I'm actually going to die I want to be alone. I don't want to hurt them, but I want people to realise how fucking hurt I am.

 

[lita-lassi]

no one needs to see that