Discussion How do you feel about fellow members who passed?

[Mayonaise]

Simply put, when reading a goodbye post my main emotion is a sense of relief, with a tint of sadness for the ones that person may have left behind.
I assume that, since that person had joined the community, he/she did not act impulsively, but made a thoughtful decision, a tragic one perhaps, but still a legitimate one.
So, relief... why? Because I know that person's pain has ended, but also because I feel like "he's done it, I may be able to do it too".
I haven't been here for very long but anytime I see a member I "know" posting his goodbye thread I feel it's my duty to write something kind and pay respect.

I don't know if anybody somewhat feels the same and I don't know if this discussion may appeal to you.
If interested, please share how you feel.

 

[UKscotty]

Happy for them and sadness that my own cowardice gets in the way again.

I strongly believe in the universal right to die though so maybe I'm more biased.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

I'm terribly sad that they have to share their last thoughts and moments on a forum like this one and not with relatives.

I'm terribly sad because I think life is worth living : just another human which circumstances made it impossible for them to enjoy it.

I feel relieved : they finally managed that hard thing that CBT is.

I feel jealous : will I ever manage to do the same ?

And with the crossed out name + silence from OP : I finally feel terrified by the void that awaits.

 

[FuneralCry]

I envy them so much, they are very fortunate to be at peace from this cruel and futile existence. I see so much beauty in the thought of eternally not existing, in being permanently relieved from having the ability to suffer. To me suicide is self care as it's the way to take control over the inevitable and find peace from the burden that is existing as a human. Nobody who exists could ever be fortunate as existence is nothing more than undesirable and meaningless suffering. I admire those who manage to ctb despite the fact that it's so harmfully made inaccessible by deluded humans.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel happy for them that they were able to ctb. At least, I hope they were able to ctb.

Sometimes, when I see those posts along with their crossed out usernames, I can't help but wonder if they have successfully passed away or if they ended up in the hospital severely disabled or even straight up in a vegetative state. It terrifies me to think that there is a chance that some of those people aren't dead but are instead alive and are now trapped here and in even worse condition than before. It's this idea that both scares me and also makes me angry since all of that could be prevented if assisted suicide was more accessible for people.

Anyway, If they were able to successfully to that I am very happy for them. It also makes me feel like a pathetic coward for still being here...

 

[rozeske]

Sad that life lead them to this point
Envious of them for kicking SI's behind finally succeeding with ctb
Happy that they have now found their freedom and are at peace

 

[tsykoais]

it's a bittersweet feeling, some i got to talk to before they ctb and they were extremely amazing individuals that were just broken by society. however, they needed to get their peace and they got it.

 

[Seered Doom]

Sad and hope they're safe wherever they are

 

[Orange Cat]

I feel sad for them. Sad that the circumstances in their life were so bad that it got to the point that they felt they had to kill themself.

 

[tiredplant777]

I feel happy for them that they were able to ctb. At least, I hope they were able to ctb.

Sometimes, when I see those posts along with their crossed out usernames, I can't help but wonder if they have successfully passed away or if they ended up in the hospital severely disabled or even straight up in a vegetative state. It terrifies me to think that there is a chance that some of those people aren't dead but are instead alive and are now trapped here and in even worse condition than before. It's this idea that both scares me and also makes me angry since all of that could be prevented if assisted suicide was more accessible for people.

Anyway, If they were able to successfully to that I am very happy for them. It also makes me feel like a pathetic coward for still being here...

I wonder about this also. I remember somewhere looking at suicide stats and so many are unsuccessful and result in a lot of permanent harm to the body and it really scared me. I saw this like ten years ago so I can't remember what the stats are, but yeah that is the one thing that really keeps me not trying besides not wanting to harm my family.

 

[Tears in Rain]

Glad that their suffering is over, sad that their life brought them to this.
I'm not long posting here on this site, but @Lookoutbelow is probably the first goodbye thread that was tinged with a bit of sadness that they are gone(presuming that he's defo gone) because I had interacted with a few of his threads, and found him to be a good guy, from what I saw.

Sad to see good people go that way.

 

[haibane]

Im very happy for them as they found the peace they where looking for.
I hope i will have the bravery to do so too one day.

 

[littlelungs]

My feelings are complicated.

Part of me envies the fact that they're at peace; not in a malicious sense, but simply because I'm still here, tangled in my own suffering, because the overall pain and fatigue is so severe that it has significantly slowed down my "ability" to finish my exit preparations, which sometimes makes me feel so trapped that it's hard to breathe. Part of me is happy for them that they're no longer suffering, and part of me feels incredibly sad for them – these were real people with real families, friends, feelings, experiences, interests and so much potential, if only things were different and/or they had the chance, and it's tragic that life got so unbearable for them that it came to this. I also just really fucking feel for them – whenever I see someone who's suicidal, as much as it hurts my heart for them, my first thought is, "I get it." This world can be so unfathomably (and unnecessarily) cold, cruel and ruthless, and to say that life can be absolutely brutal would be an incredible understatement.

There are people who died shortly after I joined the forum over 5 years ago, people on here who I'd never personally spoken to, people who only posted on here just to say goodbye... I still think about those people sometimes.

May they all rest in peace.

 

[Aim]

I haven't been here for that long, but there has been a couple of goodbye threads that has hit pretty hard! Inn a way where you really understand that things are real! It's real. Real people that is giving up on life. At the same time, probably since I know suffering so we'll.. happy that people don't need to suffer. even if it's sad to think about.

 

[breezeboy]

Seeing the line through their user and knowing they'll never post another comment or thread is extremely unsettling to me.
Makes me think of the finality of their decision and what soon awaits me.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I feel odd about it because I revisit old threads where they asked about info about their chosen method, it's eerie because they aren't here anymore to communicate.

 

[Abyssal]

Pain I guess. I sometimes wonder if there's something I could've said or done. It's pro life of me as hell, which is why I don't comment on goodbye threads unless I feel it's dangerous/impulsive.

I want to die, but I wish everyone else could be happy. It's hypocritical.

 

[Mayonaise]

I didn't expect so many replies, I appreciate them very much.
I'm replying to those whose mindset is similar to mine:

@baabbaabbaab , I think life may be worth living, too: my life has been very intense and fulfilling until something broke. The awareness that I probably won't ever fix my issues is what is driving me towards ctb, but I have no hatred or resentment towards anyone/anything.

@tiredplant777 , I really feel you when you talk about your family, it's the same for me. I accept that my life may have come to a dead end, but the thought of my parents' suffering haunts me.

@Goku Black , I revisit old threads too. Yes, it's sort of surreal.

@Abyssal , I wish everyone else could be happy too. It's not hypocritical, it's compassionate and kind.

 

[Redacted24]

I haven't been here long either. One of the first posts I read was from a lonely feline who was in the act. It really hit me hard, especially when a friend she trusted posted confirmation of success.
Now I've seen a few others.
I try to respond because they shouldn't feel alone. It's their free decision and I respect that. I'm just sad, but supportive.
I wish they could have found the support they needed in the real world.
And I wish there were a way they could be assured of effective, painless end without suffering or risk to themselves or others. That seems only right, and dignified.
I sometimes reread their posts too. I miss them.