How do you even make friends

[ScaredCutter]

Since 2019 (last year i even had friends), i've basically lost all of them. During 2020-2021 i met somebody online and today we are dating but, we are only long distance and we plan to meet eachother once we have the money. Aside from that, i have literally no friends IRL, i used to hangout with somebody who lived really close by because she would visit her grandma but, she stopped going there and we stopped talking around 2018, the people in my area are either much younger than me or much much older (18 yo) or they have the most nasty attitude ever.

I have mentioned before in another thread that i have social anxiety and communication is just really hard for me, i freeze up, my mouth cant open and my body gets really hot and all i can do is walk away and cry because im so hopeless. I've been told to just "walk up to people" or "join in with them" but, those have all been fails. People in my state also tend to be undesirable to be around with too. i live in australia vic and theres nothing pleasant there.

some other things. im very judgemental towards others and it also affects how i make friends but, im also afraid of others being judgemental of me, my interests are also things people will just side eye and see me weird, i cant really express my feelings from facial expressions, i cant really speak my mind because im afraid of what others will say, i can be very dry in how i talk. honestly, im worried about what the other person thinks of me

i apologise for the way i format paragraphs and explanations, i just dont remember how to structure things correctly sob...

 

[NutOrat]

I could never uphold a single friendship when we stop seeing each other in-person. I guess I didn't even try, and even when we got in contact months after, it just felt like it was done. Both of us had separate things to do, all we had in common was due to circumstances of where we were, and now? It's like there was nothing left to talk about. You also know when it's over when people become more polite with you, especially old friends who used to tease you, now talk to you like a cool dude they knew, or even a stranger.

I'm sorry, downer, but I've had this happen. All my friendships are not necessarily ruined, but I've lost them all. Maybe I should've tried more, but when you're so depressed and self-hating and self-centered, all my thoughts are about me and how terrible I am, is it any wonder I didn't give my friends the same amount of attention they gave me. It's not worth it, to stay in touch with a person like that. Sometimes I wonder if they had to be "friends" with me only because they had to see me every week and couldn't escape my presence. Or maybe it's my negative perception of self speaking again. Quite likely it's the latter.

Glad you've found someone online though, I'm sure you can do it again! Don't let my downer talk make you feel worse, you can do it. As for judgement of others and likewise, I struggle with that too. I try to pay attention to whenever these subconscious judgements happen, and cut them off, but sometimes it's impossible. It's wired into us to judge and to compare, no matter how much we hate it. I guess the most positive thing I can hope for is that if you judge others less, show more compassion and acceptance, you'll *hopefully* receive a similar treatment, and if not - that's not a person you want to spend your time with.

i apologise for the way i format paragraphs and explanations, i just dont remember how to structure things correctly sob...

I stopped caring about that entirely because I know I'll screw up anyway. It takes a shit ton of time to just fix all the dozens of spelling errors I make, so don't sweat about it. It's a forum post, not a novel. Have a good <time of day>!

 

[darksouls]

my beloved pets were the only friends I ever had in my life, I was only exploited by people, my ex-boyfriends treated me like trash, it does not matter what I do, in the end, when I die, I am alone

 

[lost in the lilies]

my beloved pets were the only friends I ever had in my life, I was only exploited by people, my ex-boyfriends treated me like trash, it does not matter what I do, in the end, when I die, I am alone

Have you thought about getting other pets? It's painful to see them go but at least you can be happy that they lived a good life. And it really is something when you're having a really bad day and then you just have this living, breathing thing that just loves you so much and unconditionally

 

[darksouls]

Have you thought about getting other pets? It's painful to see them go but at least you can be happy that they lived a good life. And it really is something when you're having a really bad day and then you just have this living, breathing thing that just loves you so much and unconditionally

my time is up, I am planning my exit in the near future

 

[lost in the lilies]

I

my time is up, I am planning my exit in the near future

I'm sorry to hear :(
But I hope you find the peace you're looking for if that is your decision

 

[trying ungracefully]

Is there bumble bff in your area and would it be easier? When I'm ready to be friends with people I plan on using that, I tried it before I was ready to meet in person and I was able to have nice conversations with other people over text.

 

[telekon]

You make friends by being nice to people, having conversations, and doing fun things together. You might meet people through your hobbies, i.e., music groups, sports teams, yoga, cults, sex apps or friend meetup apps (especially Grindr if you are LGBT – this one is very easy to make friends on or at least used to be, I haven't used it in almost a decade), or by doing drugs. I'm sure there are other ways to meet people but those have been successful for me mostly. People also make friends at work, at school, conferences, or if you have some kind of project that you are working on.

Group therapy or AA meetings are also easy to make friends at. Make suggestions to go to the movies or dinner. Political or social movements tend to breed conversation so you might try that. Volunteering too.

 

[Pluto]

 

[ScaredCutter]

Is there bumble bff in your area and would it be easier? When I'm ready to be friends with people I plan on using that, I tried it before I was ready to meet in person and I was able to have nice conversations with other people over text.

i dont really trust apps like those because idk how honest people are on there or their intentions. ive been very wary of others online because ive been doxed before and i sometimes overshare too much.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I stopped looking for a new friends after some of my so called friends stabbed me in my back in the worst possible moment.
In the last 2-3 years my only friends are stray cats and dogs which we have them in my city Skopje by the hundreds.

In a dog-friendly coffee bar which I visit on daily basis, I always sit with the dogs and pet them, and sometimes feed them. This helps me tremendously with my depression. Here is a photo of this fella who enjoys taking naps after I rub his belly.

 

[ScaredCutter]

I stopped looking for a new friends after some of my so called friends stabbed me in my back in the worst possible moment.
In the last 2-3 years my only friends are stray cats and dogs which we have them in my city Skopje by the hundreds.

In a dog-friendly coffee bar which I visit on daily basis, I always sit with the dogs and pet them, and sometimes feed them. This helps me tremendously with my depression. Here is a photo of this fella who enjoys taking naps after I rub his belly.

View attachment 183486

im very sorry to hear that.
the dog is very cute! i have 2 cats of my own one is black and the other is a short hair tabby thats gray, both are very playful and lovely. i have a fear of dogs but its not as bad as it used to be, i approached one a few days ago and they were very friendly

 

[Macedonian1987]

im very sorry to hear that.
the dog is very cute! i have 2 cats of my own one is black and the other is a short hair tabby thats gray, both are very playful and lovely. i have a fear of dogs but its not as bad as it used to be, i approached one a few days ago and they were very friendly

That's quite alright. Please don't be sorry. I had so much disappointments from my "friends" I used to have, that these 2-3 years without a friends were like a peaceful blessing to me. In these past 2-3 years all my so called friends did were hurt, disappoint or trick me.

The dog in the photo is even cutter in real life, and it senses when someone is in deep depression. I will never forget the day when I was having a really bad day, and the dog came all by himself without me calling it, and he lay next to me, as if it was trying to comfort me. This dog is usually not that friendly. This dog offered me 100 times more comfort than my own mother ever did. When I'm extremely sad and all I need is a hug from someone, my mother would just push me away and say something like: stop hugging me, be a man, you are too old to be hugging your mother. It's no wonder why I'm so suicidal

 

[trying ungracefully]

i dont really trust apps like those because idk how honest people are on there or their intentions. ive been very wary of others online because ive been doxed before and i sometimes overshare too much.

Definitely get you. Had to make a new account on here after staying away from a while because a man found out the city I live in after saying extremely creepy things. Better to be safe than sorry!!!

 

[snow_in_summer]

That's quite alright. Please don't be sorry. I had so much disappointments from my "friends" I used to have, that these 2-3 years without a friends were like a peaceful blessing to me. In these past 2-3 years all my so called friends did were hurt, disappoint or trick me.

The dog in the photo is even cutter in real life, and it senses when someone is in deep depression. I will never forget the day when I was having a really bad day, and the dog came all by himself without me calling it, and he lay next to me, as if it was trying to comfort me. This dog is usually not that friendly. This dog offered me 100 times more comfort than my own mother ever did. When I'm extremely sad and all I need is a hug from someone, my mother would just push me away and say something like: stop hugging me, be a man, you are too old to be hugging your mother. It's no wonder why I'm so suicidal

Pets are really nice, had similar experiences when I was going through rough times so I always get the feeling they can sense these things

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Pretty sure that if you're able to date then you have to potential to make friends too.

As for anxiety, a good method is talking side to side instead of face to face, in other words talking during an activity of some sort.

 

[ScaredCutter]

Pretty sure that if you're able to date then you have to potential to make friends too.

As for anxiety, a good method is talking side to side instead of face to face, in other words talking during an activity of some sort.

its a long distance relationship, i find it easier to talk online but, im still unable to make friends via online because i dont know how to keep friends or what to really do with them. i had a few that lasted a few years but, it fell off because i gradually become more to myself, avoiding communication and just being alone instead.

the way i was taught when people were speaking, you had to face them so whenever i get reminded of it in my head, i get confused and unsure of where to look. my dad would get pissed because i'd be looking at something im doing while hes talking and sees it as me "not listening" and in school, just "mouth zipped, ears on, hands together, feet together" yada yada. teachers would also get pretty upset if u werent looking whilst somebody was talking.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

its a long distance relationship, i find it easier to talk online but, im still unable to make friends via online because i dont know how to keep friends or what to really do with them. i had a few that lasted a few years but, it fell off because i gradually become more to myself, avoiding communication and just being alone instead.

the way i was taught when people were speaking, you had to face them so whenever i get reminded of it in my head, i get confused and unsure of where to look. my dad would get pissed because i'd be looking at something im doing while hes talking and sees it as me "not listening" and in school, just "mouth zipped, ears on, hands together, feet together" yada yada. teachers would also get pretty upset if u werent looking whilst somebody was talking.

Guys in particular are known for being more comfortable talking side to side, but of course there's nothing stopping anyone doing it.

I don't really have friends either due to being very isolated thanks to illness so I know what it's like. And as for dating, well I'll never even get to experience that even once in my life.